How to keep a friend
Hello all of you Earth Dwellers out there, I am in my sophomore year of high school. And I happen to have a few questions about ....friendship.
I do have friends. I actually have several friends Whom I can be myself around in my youth group. That is very nice, however, it is in SCHOOL that I am having problems. I managed to get 4 people whom I consider real friends at my high school. One in particular I want to specifically mention. I obviously will not reveal her name, but she has been an amazing friend to me. At the beginning of the school year, I interviewed her for a class project and after a minor flaw in composure on my part (long story) I decided to tell her about my Aspergers. So I sent her an email, not going into to much detail, but it basically explained a few things about aspergers and such... anyways she sent me back an email saying that I could talk to her anytime about anything. Since then I pretty much talk to her everyday, but I can really only talk to her for a few minutes at the end of everyday. more recently she has really encouraged me after I came to her after a dilemma about presenting something in front of people, which I am very thankful to her for. I did say thank you. When I do talk to her she is very adamant about remembering anything I tell her, and she i great at being...FRIENDLY! (Yes, emphasis was necessary)
The problem here is that I am the exact opposite, sometimes I wish I could tell her with a full heart how thankful I am, but I can't! I wish I could at least appear interested when she tells me things but I don't know how to do that either. Most of the time I am, I just never know what kind of questions I am supposed to ask. I think I have destroyed other friendships in this way (NOT being friendly that is) and This one is one I do not want to end. Thank you for any advice in advance...
Campin_Cat
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2014
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 25,953
Location: Baltimore, Maryland, U.S.A.
You've said you've told her "Thanks", so she probably knows. I think, sometimes, we are more understood then we think we are. I think maybe, sometimes, we don't think we're being understood because we're not confident that we explained "whatever" well.
As for "appearing interested"----I know how difficult it is----but, you have to focus more. One suggestion is to, kind of, repeat back what someone says. Like, let's say she tells you she just got a new red dress. You might say: "Is red your favorite color?", or something like that. That will open, hopefully, a whole new "channel" for discussion. The whole thing is really paying attention----don't let your mind wander----stay in the "here and now". Whether you're male or female you may not have any interest whatsoever in red dresses but, like I said, it opens a channel, and you would like to get to know her better, wouldn't you? Also, taking an interest in people / what they're saying, is "polite". Look how grateful you are because SHE'S so friendly. If she's as good as you perceive her to be, she'll see / recognize / appreciate your effort. If you have nothing in-common, though, that's totally different----that would be difficult to sustain----and not because of any "fault" of yours----it makes neither of you "wrong", it just makes you different-----something I have to remind MYSELF of, on a daily basis.
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