I'm truly an odd person...

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For some reason I was sad yesterday, nothing actually triggered it to make me feel that way.
This is almost like an introduction of myself because I didn't do that properly last time.
I've talked to Nuttdan and realized that I am an intelligent and unique person and I now do feel better about myself but I just need this to express myself.

Even though I was diagnosed mild autism at 2, I still don't believe I belong here or anywhere else. I'm 100% sure I'm not AS but another ASD. Perhaps I was misdiagnosed and they just had to but a label because of speech delay and other weird behaviors.

That moment determined the next 13 years of my life (I'm 15, do the math) to be very confusing and messed up. I refuse to say that my life is tragic or miserable because compared to many people it isn't. I've had great times and many good memories but all the fun I had was very temporary. It was just a mere illusion to prevent me from being completely sad. If it wasn't for that, I would either be dead or in an asylum. I compare my joyful times to getting drunk or high, it's fun and even amazing for the moment but after it's done you feel awful. I don't do drugs or drink alcohol and I don't have any plans to do so, I just think it's an analogy to express myself better.

After being diagnosed I went to a special school (I know that sounds ret*d) where people were either delinquent (had self control issues and were hyper and violent) or mentally ret*d. It wasn't a place for autistics but a place to dump kids that normal kids shouldn't be exposed to. I was glad that I went there because it prevented the NT's from bullying me. I was placed with kids who were several grade levels behind their chronological age and kids who would beat the s*** out of you if you did the slightest thing to piss them off. Some of the bad kids teased me for not being like them and said stuff like "People go to this school because they are either bad or ret*d, you must be a ret*d" and one kid smacked me but other than that it was the best time of my life. The work was extremely easy and it was more like fun than work. I was allowed to be myself and show off all my strengths. I couldn't believe that there was a time when I looked foward to going to school. I often kept quiet and got along well with everyone, so the crazy kids (they probably would be dx ADHD, ODD and Conduct Disorder, now that I think about it) never picked fights with me and I even ended up being their acquaintances but I never had any close friends back then.

In 5th grade my parents decided to put me in mainstream against the school's wishes. They pulled me out of that school because they thought it wasn't academically challenging enough. I was so glad that they did at the time, I was finally going to be a "normal" kid. For awhile I was in the Special Ed. class for my normal public school but they took me out because they thought I was too intelligent for the class. So therefore I went from classroom to classroom until I was placed in the Honors Class. That was great for me but then there were rumors that I was ret*d. It was only because I took the Medical Bus and had to go to Speech Therapy. I had speech impedients and people kept teasing me for it, I was labeled "The ret*d who can't speak right" for about 4 years. I could name all the times that people made me a laughing stock and humilated me but that would take too long. It was common knowledge that I was the school ret*d and everyone knew that. I was also threatned to get beat up a couple of times but that's a long story.

I never realized how different I sounded until kids made fun of me for it. Instead of trying to make friends, which I should have because there were a few nice kids. I just isolated myself from everyone and tried to act as if I didn't exist. I was tired of making an ass out of myself by attempting to make friends. I had a hard time trying to start a conversation, I never knew what to say or how to react to things and other basic stuff that normal people take for granted. My Theory of Mind is half NT and half AS, I have a very hard time knowing when I'm deceived or when people are lying to me. I always assume that everything I hear is true because I can't tell. I don't know people's intentions. I also had a hard time predicting how people feel, I have very little empathy and some people think I act really cold and serious because of that. Some people have described me as being a robot because of that. Then again, I know when to lie (I don't do this to hurt people) and I don't say anything that is too blunt or offensive to others.
I think I can read facial expressions to some extent but it's only the really obvious ones like happy, sad, frustrated and shocked. All the other ones are very complicated and it's not until people say something that I know how they feel.

In my Freshman year I went to Catholic School, it was better than my old school but had it's fair share of problems. After a few months of being in Theology class, I decided that I no longer wanted to be a Christian and turned Deist instead. I love that decision and still apperciate it today.
In the first semister I made three really close friends, we did everything together and I had great times with them, then after rumors that I said something rude about one of them (which I didn't) they didn't speak to me for the rest of the year. One girl was incredibly deceving and couldn't make up her damn mind about being my friend so therefore I made up her mind for her and decided to ditch her.

There was also a short lived time where this kid laughed at my voice everytime I spoke in class and that one girl was just rude to me but that's a long story.
I felt incredibly lonely and it was as if I didn't exist at that school. I was just another face in the crowd of 1600 students. I tried to make friends and get myself recognized but at the end people just left me for their closer friends. I had nobody to go to.
Those students are what I call "superkids" because they were extremely intelligent, athletic or both. I was a nobody compared to them and I didn't know what the hell I was doing there. At least 10% of the class of '07 got a 95+ average and many of the Freshmen ended up being Varsity athletes. If you were'nt honors student straight A intelligent or an amazingly gifted athlete you were at least very rich and had stuff that I could only get in my dreams. If you aren't either of those, you were at least very popular or really hot and had guys or girls (depending on your gender) crazy over you. I had NONE of that and I would kill to be like one of those kids sometimes. My private school is the home of the preps, jocks and the super elite and if you're not one of those kids consider yourself useless.

I had people to sit with in my lunch table and one girl wanted to call me over the summer but the feelings of loneliness still lingered. There was no one to talk to.

Like many aspies, I dislike being touched and hate it when people do it affectionately or plafully. It just bothers me and I don't know whether they are being rude or just bantering. It also feels as if someone is trying to pick a fight with me. There was even this one instance that I choked a girl who was mean to me just because she touched me (that is a psyco thing to do and I regret it). There are so many symptoms that I could go through but I just want to get to the point.

I have many interests such as writing (students and teachers alike praise it) and reading a variety of books on several topics on social sciences, I also like to watch quality TV and not the superficial nonsence that is on TV today. I also like playing basketball and solitaire. I also spend plenty of time going to google.com which is my favorite website. Geography is also cool too (I own two globes, one that is huge and one that is small enough to fit in a purse, lol) I like to learn the capital and location of places. History is great also, especially the World War II era but unfortunately I never get the chance to read about it. Genetics and DNA is also one of my favorite things to learn and I'm also highly interested in psycology and like to see how the mind works.

Many people who actually get to know me say that I'm very intellectual and an interesting person to meet. Some people say that I sound intelligent, but it's only a few people and the overwhelming majority who don't bother to get to know me call me a ret*d.

Some people reading this might say "Oh she's just a misunderstood smart kid." Not at all. My IQ comes nowhere close to how I represent myself. I'm not even going to say what my IQ is because it's just going to make some arrogant smartasses feel better about themselves by teasing me.
My actual IQ indicates that I'm a stereotypical superficial teenybopper rather than someone who actually thinks. It makes me wonder whether I might as well drop my books and go do something ret*d because I'm wasting my time.

My Performance and Verbal IQ is 30 points apart which sometimes indicates autism. It's probably why I'm so bad at math but that's another story.

My parents are ok people and it's not they're fault that I am the way I am. If that was so, my sister would act just as screwed up and that isn't the case. My sister is an NT who has it all, the looks, the friends, popularity, intelligence, athletics and even musical talent. She does it all without even having to lift a finger, a truly lucky 13 year old kid.
My parents probably think "What the hell did we do to this kid? The other one turned out perfectly fine" That's at least my mom's additude anyway. I don't know about my dad because he doesn't show a lot of emotion about this kind of stuff. My mom is constantly either yelling at me or being just plain rude for stuff that I can't even help. You won't believe how many times I've heard stuff like "Why can't you act normal?" or "I'm going to lock you up somewhere" at times I swear that she sounds like those annoying kids that I've met in middle school.

I spend most of my days having conversations online that are more than "small talk" which I'm horrible at. All of my conversations have to be indepth no matter what, it's like all talk needs a purpose.

I simply go on the Internet and ponder about several things on my mind this summer. I hope I didn't bore all of you to death with my life story. Have a nice day.

I just read your message and I am not sure I could write so much about myself but I would like to reply because there some things I have experienced myself.

At my school, there had never been anything special for disabled kids. So when a student was special, either he quickly left, or, like me, went through ups and downs all the time. In primary school, I was a good student but I did not work with the other kids. I had a desk in a part of the classroom where I worked alone. The teachers thought it was better this way.

What you wrote about your experience of school is quite similar for me, from teasing to not having friends. But I do not think it would be interesting enough to post a whole message about my own life, which I think is boring.

Concerning not liking being touched, I am like that too. My parents think I act and just want to bother them, so they get very mad when I overeact to that. It is the same when I have what I call "sensory overloads", when I think there are two many things going through my mind at the same time (too many sounds, bright lights, thoughts).

Concerning my interests (maybe it will make someone want to talk to me about them, because I just can not talk when it is not about something special and interesting. I only talk when I have something to say.)
I like writing, but I think my writing has nothing special so I often stop mid-way, and reading non-fiction and some fiction. I like chess and Minesweeper. Concerning geography, I am only interested in learning countries, their capitals, population and area ; I would say statistics about countries. I do not think I will list everything I am interested in talking about because as long as it is interesting and as long as I can learn something INTERESTING, I would discuss it. But to name a few, computers, sports, music, analysing movies, some social sciences/psychobiology issues.
But I have one main interest which is astrophysics. I am currently studing the theory of time and wormholes (you can read a short article I have written about it on my website ; there is a link on my profile).

You wrote that there is a big gap between your performance and verbal IQ. I read that it is a sign of autism but that the diagnostic depends which is highest. My verbal IQ is higher than my performance IQ (although it seems I have a scientific, reasoning mind) ; according to the specialists I have asked, it is a sign of AS/hyperlexia. But I would have to check it.

Loy

As you pointed out, the fear of touching is a common AS characteristic. I used to run away when my parents tried to hug me until they gave up.

And I really detest the "Why can't you act normal?" nonsense from people who profess to love me. My personality and my mind are myself, they are not normal, so if you detest my current personality you most manifestly do not love me but only my genes/body, as such.

I used to be extremely resistant to being touched by my peers (girls always tried to hug me in 9th and 10th grade), but now I welcome this tactility as I like touching others and being touched. I'm sometimes resistant to my sister's attempts at contingency, however, because, out of the blue, she comes and hugs me when i'm in the middle of doing something such as eating dinner. I don't think I was ever resistant to being hugged by my parents.

I like psychology too- Its one of the four subjects I'm taking next year but I'm still debating whether or not to take sociology as well. Do you find yourself analysing your own mind? I do- I find it fascinating to 'watch' how I think and I can sit and analyse other people for hours.
I would have hated being put in a special school I guess thats one advantage to a late-ish diagnosis (I was diagnosed last september). From what you have put I think I'm very lucky, I tend to ignore what my family thinks of me anyway. I've got a good, small group of friends and my school is very understanding- in no way have I been made to feel different.

A special school isn't very good unless you are planning to stay there from elementary school all the way through high school. You feel like crap and that you are a huge burden to the world when you realize how not normal you are. Just today I was riding bikes with a few NT's and I had a bad experience, for a moment I was thinking "Why can't I just be like them, my life would have been a whole lot easier."
I would've had a life just like my sister's or even better than that because the only thing that truly ruins my life is me.
People with AS are lucky because their intelligence and gifts often shadow they're actual problems. For me, I don't have that so therefore I look like a ret*d whether I like it or not and I have nothing to hide it.
Where I live weird=ret*d unless you can amaze people with your intelligence, then you'll be refered to as an odd, eccentric genius which is 10x of a better reputation than ret*d, insane or dumba**.
If I was put in a school full of ret*ds, handicapped people and violent kids and no regular school in their right mind would have in their school, that must say something really awful about me. That school was a place to just dump kids who are too stupid or weird to set foot in a normal school. I'm just trying to be honest with myself and use the plain truth, just lying is just going to hurt me in the end.
This is my rant. I honestly don't give a damn if you feel do or don't feel sorry for me, I'm NOT looking for pity. Great and very helpful advice would be nice though.

((((enigma)))))

this is jake's mom, i was previewing the board to make sure it's okay for jake to read tonight when i saw your post. even though i'm not sure what to say i wanted to tell you i am sorry that you are hurting.

your worth is not based on your looks, your iq, your athletic ability, or anything like that. you are worth a lot because you are, and that is all.

it really must hurt to have your mom tell you to act normal. (confession, i have said this to my son and i am very very sorry. sometimes we moms get frightened for our children and we say stupid things. that doesn't make it right though).

you sound so sad that i am concerned about you. i don't care what your label is, i still think you are a special and worthwhile person. i hope you find peace and happiness.

~jake's mom

Hi Jake's mom.
Thanks for being sympathetic and understanding. I hope that I didn't write anything that is too inappropriate for Jake to read.
I know that it's frustrating sometimes for parents to deal with kids, especially ones that are different and people slip at times and say the wrong thing. My mom just says stuff regardless of how I feel, she even said "I don't care about how you feel" a couple of times. I know that you don't say rude stuff like that to Jake and it's nice to see a parent who really cares about their child.
I've always wanted to prove people wrong and show them that I can do anything, despite what they say. Having autism could be difficult sometimes but I want to have a happy life one day and contribute something to this world.
Jake should be lucky to have a great mother like you. Have a nice day and remember that Jake is a very special person no matter what.

I wish that I had some good-advice for you enigma but I don't completely relate to your experiences. I can tell you that you are not a ret*d. I know this because of what you have written. You write very well. Although your testimony is painfully horrible I still feel good about your abilities. Reading your writing is quite enjoyable. Your experiences are yours, not mine, but I feel like I know you well. I also know that your age can be rather horrible itself. I hope that when you are not overwhelmed with school that you can have fantasies about your future. The future that you will create for yourself. I hope that your future includes writing or literary arts of some sort. Thanks for shedding your light or darkness for me, I think that you are great. I want to read about your goodness sometime.

I do have plans for the future and I hope that nothing gets in the way of them. When I do get a career, it's definately going to be in the literary arts area.
I'm planning to write fiction and non-fiction books that would hopefully impact somebody one day. I even wanted to do write a script for my very own TV show because books and TV today are just going to the lowest common demoninator and insults people's intelligence.
I live for the fact that my future will turn out the way I want it to, I can't just give up on myself yet.
No one has to completely relate to my experiences to respond, focused. Thank you for you encouragement and compliments.

To cheer people up, I'm going to mention some positives that my life has had so far.
As a child I was well liked in the elementary school I went to. I was easily on top of the class and all of my work was put exactly at the ability that I could do so I would never struggle with my work.
I've never had any close friends at the time but there were very nice kids that I would occasionally play with once in while and it was a fun time.
For my entire school career every teacher respected me. There was one exception where a teacher mocked my voice but at the end he respected me. Teachers constantly tell my mom what a great kid I am and apperciate having me in class. There were even a few instances where teachers complimented my writing. My 7th grade English teacher once read my entire story to one of her classes and the students loved it so much that they asked for more.
I was active in the school newspaper and people say that they still remember stuff that I wrote years ago. That is amazing!
I remember the times when I used to play games in the park or backyard with other kids (they were my sisters friends and they let me play with them) and since I was good at sports and had the speed and coordination that was great, I was often able to keep up with them. Most people with AS aren't good at that kind of stuff but I'm HFA, I just want to say that to make things clear. The downfall to that was even though I was physically compatible with them or even superior at times, I didn't develop socially fast enough to get along with some people, especially the kids who had a huge extrovert personaility. I was extremely competitive and took winning too seriously. Some kids were deceiving and tried to cheat and change rules which made me start arguements with a lot of people. Other than that, it was a great time.
I've always managed to get good grades through all my years in mainstream school. I haven't failed any subjects except for honors math back in 7th grade but that wasn't a big deal because I didn't have to go to summer school and simply went to a regular class. I've always had trouble in math and it was a mystery how they accelerated me in the first place. I did manage to skip an entire year of science in 8th grade and took exams earlier than the average kid. I've gotten several rewards such as Honor Society for example because of my grades. There was a time when my grades could have been better but I didn't work to the best of my ability because I was sad about everything that was going on in my life. Luckily, I did much better in my new school enviroment and got better grades.
I'm actually supposed to be in the 11th grade next summer but for some odd reason I was put in the grade lower than people my age. I'm glad I'm born in November because if it was any earlier, I wouldn't have the excuse "I started school late" so no one would call me stupid. I have NO idea why I was put behind in elementary school, I hope it wasn't because of intelligence. Despite all of this, I am glad it happened because I can do my school work with more ease.
I did get a few friends online and in real life even though it's hard to keep in contact with people because my life is so busy. There were a few people that I talked to on the phone all summer and I even got to go to somebody's house once. It was so great. Too bad I left my old school and had a hard time talking to old friends. It wasn't until the end of 8th grade that I actually made friends with anybody.
Remember when I said that I've lost three friends? After that I made a few acquaintances. The sad part was that when they were with closer friends I was excluded. It was as if I was supposed to just listen to their chatting in the background. I still had good acquaintances though and hopefully, I'll get new friends next year in 10th grade.
I remember the times when I went to vacations and had good times. Especially when I went to Jamaica and went to the hotel's pool. It was good because there were a few people that talked to me. I've spent about 10 days with that group of teens doing a countless amount of fun things. I've also been to Pennslyvania and visited Disney World in Florida. I also took a class trip to Washington D.C. back in 6th grade.
I'm also a natural speed reader, I can read many books in less than a day and comprehend everything that I read. People have admired this gift and even take classes about speed reading. I can't believe people have to take classes for something that comes so naturally for me!
That's all I could think of right now. I figured that I throw in some positives in my life. If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask.

I warn people not to touch me. This one kid always taps me on the shoulder or other stupid things like that. I nearly ripped off his arm once with even thinking about it. I said sorry afterwards. I do a pretty good job of containing my self, but some people just don't know when to stop.

I suppose its kinda cool to grab someones hand in a blink of an eye, it ussually stopes people from pestering me. Its hard to keep up my guards constently, but I find my self required to, because otherwise I mgiht break their fingers. My only other option is to tune it all out, but that just makes me look dumb.

I belive there is a phycological condition of hyper-sensitivity. Its not like I have better senses, but my brain is more alert about them. It really doesn't help that I have and off and on phobia of bugs, because when you really listen, you'll find thousands of them just making noises.

I'm lucky enough to have a parent with a similar conditon, although for her's is from a truamatic childhood experiance.

Your comments about early elementary school, Enigma, have reminded me of some observations that I have made in my 28 years on earth. I want to convey a story that I hope will become yours soon.

I was miserable throughout highschool. I can remember sitting there and trying to figure out what happened to all the other kids and what made them so rotten. I could remember how nice it was when I was in the first grade. Why were 9th to 12th grade so horrible? Why were my classmates so mean. I came up with several theories, right or wrong, it didn't make things much better.

While examining the other kids I started to wonder if I was as cruel as they were. I even apologized to a few people that I thought I might have offended. Meanwhile, as I was trying to figure things out as I always am, something happened to me. I made my first adult decision.

The decision that I made was concerning a friend of mine when I was about 17 years old. My friends name was Eric. Let me describe Eric upon my first impression. He was a tall big guy. About six-foot-four, 200 pounds with long curly/frizzy blond hair. He looked kinda cool but what really got my attention was Eric himself. This guy was smart. He was creative and enjoyable to talk to. I started hanging out at his house and enjoyed very much all the information he could provide to me about topics I found interesting but had not yet begun to explore.

Then as we became better friends our relationship gave the oppurtunity to do things outside of his house. Being in highschool at the time and being exposed daily to all the social pressures of that environment, I began to fear hanging out with Eric in public. I was made fun of at school already and at that age I was afraid of leaving the house already because I thought I would get picked on some more. The idea of going out in public with Eric, I felt, would definitely cause myself more misery. This is when I looked at Eric the way my classmates would look at Eric.

I thought that my classmates would see Eric as some over grown high school dropout. Eric was cross-eyed without his coke bottle glasses. Eric's middle tooth was yellow/brown. Eric always wore MC Hammer pants or those baggy ninja style pants. Erics pot belly always slipped out from under his clothes. Eric had a receding hairline. Eric drove a primer gray, mid 1970's Pontiac Firebird, held together with bungee cords, a moving violation even when it was parked. Eric came from a lower income family. Eric dropped out of school because people were horrible to him, not because he was stupid. None of these things bothered me about Eric. I was just afraid of giving more ammunition to the people that hurt me. Finally came a moment when I had to go out into public with Eric or just stop being his friend.

This is what I consider to be my first adult decision. Although I was 17 at the time and really just a child, there was something very adult happening to me. I know that with that age came something that gave me the ability to make a decision that I could not have made a year earlier. I decided that I would be Eric's friend. I decided that even if it made more people pick on me then that would just be the way it is. I liked Eric and Eirc was different and all of this was okay. I decided to go where ever Eric wanted to go and I would just tolerate the stares and comments of rotten people.

I have told this story to many people and often they tell me a similar story of thier same age. I am telling you this, Enigma, because I want you to know that many of your peers are about to experience what I experienced at 17. I think there is something fundamentally flawed with the human body in the highschool years. It must be a human flaw. For some people this flaw is only temporary, not present in the elementary years and very adundant in the highschool years. Some people overcome it. People around you will overcome it. Your peers may not be HFA but the are suffering from another condition. The condition is best defined as "human." Not a pretty word. I just want you to know that soon there will people settling down and becoming more chemically balanced. Soon some of your peers will be able to act like ~adults~ for lack of a better word. I think that you will have more and better friends in the future.

I don't know if my story makes any sense but I see your life getting better. I thought I could end this story with a quote from William Burroughs' "Naked Lunch", not actually a quote because I let a friend borrow the book, but in it he writes something along the lines of...

"The term escapes me. I think it is a 'simiopath'. The tendency for young males to act like monkeys. It is often cured by discharge from the military."

I couldn't stop laughing the first time I read that. It is so true. Young males are pretty useless. Actually quite nasty. They don't really make much of a contribution at all. Perhaps it is best that they join the military. Maybe they do need somebody to yell at them all day and tell them exactly what to do. I suppose that when they are ready to think for themselves and can make decisions without being told what to do, then they do not re-enlist. They leave the army. They are discharged with honors. Young girls are not exactly pretty either, maybe even more cruel than boys. If there are any Burroughs fans out there, I realize that there is another layer to what he is writing about. Please do not point it out as there are many children on this website also.

Sorry that turned out longer than I expected. I'll stop now.

focused, I've heard the expression "Kids can be cruel" and it's very true. I'm glad that you were able to be Eric's friend despite how mean people get to those who are different. It was sad that he had to drop out of school, do you know what ever happened to him? How is he now?
Your post makes plenty of sense to me and I'm glad you wrote it.

I can't believe that people actually understand how I feel and what I'm trying to say. Throughout my entire life people have assumed that I shouldn't be complaining because people (especially adults) think that everything is perfect about my life. Just because I have both parents, I'm in an upper middle class family, I don't look deformed or sick and go to private school doesn't mean that I have no problems. Whenever I talk to somebody about problems like this they think: "This kid is a spoiled brat that doesn't know how good she has it, she has no problems so therefore she makes up drama to make her bland perfect life more interesting."
I HATE that so much! I thought that I was going to get the same additude here but I didn't. I'm so greatful for all the kind people who responded to me.
They don't understand anything! The people I know just look at things at the surface, they think that my life is so perfect so therefore I have to act normal. Like there is no damn excuse why I am the way I am and I'm just being this way to be difficult and annoying. That's not true at all, I DARE some of those people to live my life for a month. I want to see how they deal with autism itself and the intolerant a**holes that surround me.
That's why I don't talk to my mother about anything anymore and just solve my own problems. She doesn't want to hear my opinions, my expressions or nothing special about who I am. All she wants me to do is act "normal" and conform to her way of life. I swear that she was expecting a younger version of her before I was born but when I turned out to be nearly the polar opposite of her, she was frustrated and hurt at the fact that God didn't give her what she wanted for a child.
If only they knew, if only those ignorant fools understood another person's point of view.

If there is a bug buzzing on the other side of the room, I cannot concentrate, and I have to kill it before I am able to work again. Its something about the buzzing combined with knowing that I could stop it just by walking to the other end of the room. If a bug is on the outside making noise, it doesn't really bother me for some reason, perhaps because I know i can't do much about it.

For enigma, ( tell me if you prefer "the enigma") about my friend Eric. It has been a while since I last talked to him but I can tell you a little more about him.

Eric was a bit oblivious to social skills and manners. A perfect story is when I went out to eat with him at a chinese restaurant. Maybe you have been to a chinese restaurant and seen a small child get a little too excited by the decorations and then the child begins to exercise karate kicks and make that "hi-ya" noise. Usually the parent will stop this before it gets offensive. My friend Eric at age 24 or 25 was still that same way. He did not do the karate kicks but he would do one worse. When the chinese immigrant (the restaurant that we were at really does employ true immigrants) would come to take our order he would hear the thick chinese accent. Eric would reflect the exact accent back to the waiter or waitress. It was very embarassing but I never could tell how the waiter or waitress was taking it. They never should a sign of displeasure. I tried to explain to Eric how that was rude and Eric would argue that he was not mocking them. Eric was completely convinced that his fake accent was really another language. Eric said that he was speaking to them the same way that he was being spoken to, in chinese that is. I know it is hard to believe that Eric could believe what he was saying but I think that he actually believed it.

About the same time that I discovered that Eric was insensitive to racial differences I also observed Eric doing something rather surprising. I don't think that Eric had ever had a girlfriend until this time. He was working for Hermann Miller (Eames Lounge Chair and Ottoman rule by the way, I have a nice replica) who also employed immigrants, even ones that spoke less english than the chinese restaurant employees. This is where Eric met Rosa, his first girlfriend. Rosa (mexican) did not speak any english, but somehow the two of them started to date. Four weeks later Eric was fluent in spanish. He never picked up a book about spanish or anything instructive. He just learned it by impersonating Rosa and the other immigrants that he met at work. Maybe foriegners are more tolerable of different people, I don't know?

I originally met Eric at an after-high-school job. I saw him frequently until I was 23 or 24 years old. Work is what brought us together and I guess it is what brought us apart. Our preference for different sorts of work just naturally over time caused us to move in different directions. I guess he is off working at his goals just as I am working on mine. I think I will try to get in touch with him soon as it has been to long since we last spoke.