needing to love and be loved

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Add me to this list. Anymore if asked if I have children, I reply NO. They care not about me and I've not heard from them in years. As far as my ex's go (2), that was enough to show me I will never be accepted as normal. Back then I had NO idea of what AS was or was all about. These last year or so have shown me more about myself and my difficulties in my life then all the preceding years I have been alive. No it doesn't fix anything but it does explain to me wth is wrong with me. Now instead of obsessing over it, I have accepted it as who I am. Actually I am thankful now as I no longer worry about fitting in, what other people think, etc. If anyone ever wants to be part of my life, they have to accept me for who I am. I will not change another and I don't want to be molded into someone's idea of a potential mate/lover/friend. My response is to FIND one that is that way already. Changing someone (or attempting to) to what they are not NEVER works for any but a short amount of time. Life (what is left of it) is way too short to be worrying about how others think or perceive me.

Yes I am married. It is in fact my 2nd marriage, and some of the issues are similar to my 1st marriage. 1st one ended badly tho, and I had to escape him (he was threatening my life). The issues that I mentioned are similar, are me not giving them enough attention, me not hugging/touching enough (I am not talking about sex here, I'm just talking about hugging/touching in general), me needing time by myself, me being like a child in some ways, me (strongly) disliking cuddling in bed (both like(d) cuddling lol), etc etc. So far tho, you seem to be able to love a lot more than me.

My intention when I escaped my 1st husband was actually to buy a small house (I had some money from my inheritance after my parents died, which I don't anymore because I used it all to help my present husband with his child support payments), and stay single.

Just wanted to add this:

There is also other expectations that I have a lot of trouble with. For example organise some things (I can't even organise a whole dinner and have everything ready at the same time, unless its really simple), remember some things (birthday dates for example, when I even forget my own), remembering some things that were mentioned before at some point eventho I might have been completely focused on something I was doing when it was mentioned - in which case I can totally miss something someone says (just as an example, I am expected to remember that a few days ago my husband mentioned that he wanted to eat steak today, but I didn't think - and sometimes couldn't even remember him mentioning this - about that when it was time to make dinner, and then he will say something like "how could you forget, I told you 2 days ago", and then he's all upset). Or to understand some other person's feelings about something I may have done or said, while I didn't even realise at all that the person was upset (or whatever else), I mean not just being told "this person was upset because of something you did or said" (which would be ok, I don't mind being told if needed), but being told "you didn't notice he/she was upset????! !! !!" (as if I was a terrible person not to have noticed). So many things are so complicated lol.

Last edited by Shadi2 on 19 Jun 2014, 5:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I agree with you very much.

If I could pick more then one, it would be parents, siblings, pet, and friends.

My goodness! The results of the poll is very shocking and sad. This lack of love must not continue!

He ought to be thankful you made dinner for him! To me this is totally mean and ungrateful! What if you didn't want steak today (putting aside you forgot his request)? Sorry to say this but he sounds rather unappreciative of you! Especially since you were kind enough to help him with HIS child support payments. Legally that wasn't your responsibility however I can understand in the context of marriage and love why you would.

If I were in your shoes, I'd have thrown the supper at him and told him straight away where he could shove it. Throwing a fit over a silly steak... -smh-

I would vote children if given the option.

Yay, first post .

Aside from my parents, my affection mostly comes from the pets in my life.

I tried the relationship thing once and it was a slow-motion fiasco. I'm not wasting my time trying to form intimate relationships with people anymore (at least not NT people).

He gets upset for stupid things like that. And yes, sometimes it ends with an argument that is just as stupid. Like I said, its complicated. But anyway, I wish I had known myself better before jumping in a 2nd marriage.

Last edited by Shadi2 on 20 Jun 2014, 2:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

I made the mistake on my 2nd marriage as I was on the rebound from a relationship I thought I could truly be happy with. This one lady I had known for a long time was going thru a divorce and I ALWAYS had liked her. Mind you we never lived together or anything and I was working in Canada at the time. We had seen each other off and on for a long time and of course huge phone bills. All of a sudden she cut me out of her life and I didn't hear from her for well over a year. By then I thought it was over and started seeing someone else. That someone else became my 2nd wife and I should have known better. Oh well, just shows you to NEVER be in too big of a hurry for something especially of this nature.

Very true.

Myself.
Friends.
Family.
God kids.
Nephew.
Friends' families.

There's a lot of sources of love out there, but I started my list with Myself because I think that's an area that many of us could improve on - self acceptance/appreciation/love and so forth. All too often we're our own worst critics. Meanwhile we have the capacity to love as we think of others we love.. yet don't stop and ponder what life would be like if we loved ourselves just as much as we love others. Whenever I slip into a bit of a mental/emotional funk I think of others I love, then remind myself that I'm equally deserving of the love I freely give others & to think kind loving thoughts and affirmations about and to myself.

goD has kids?!?!?!?!

he therefore had sex
but.....but.....wait!! !!

I can be the most honest with the online friendships I've cultivated over the years, so I'm not sure if I should choose that option instead of people I know offline who are fewer and less knowing.

I'm astounded by the results of the poll so far. I always thought I was alone in getting no love from anyone but my pets!

I spent 50 years of my life trying to get love from humans, making it my first priority and giving it my all. Now that I know about AS, and know myself and humans a lot more, I've given up on humans. So much so that I think if a human did show up in my life, I wouldn't even feel like having a friend or life partner.

I would like to pick multiple options here. I love my siblings, I had a girlfriend, and still want one. But I feel like love comes more from people who I allow to know me, rather than restrict their view of life.

Yes I do derive pleasure from cuddling. I used to go to my girlfriend, but she's not around anymore, so I try to go to my siblings, who aren't as happy to accommodate.

I'm another who can't answer accurately because my primary source of love is those I give the most love to: My kids. It's a very flawed list not to include them as an option.

I also get love from my mother, mostly expressed in practical terms by all she does to help me and my kids.

I've never truly been loved in romantic terms.

I can't really control the love I get but I can control the love I give, so I try to concentrate on that when I remember to. I have to remind myself a lot or I start dwelling on the hurt which isn't helpful or healthy.

I don't really have close friends and I don't have siblings.