Chameleon?

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Does anyone else ever feel like they are a chameleon? Because I do. I feel like I am constantly changing in order to fit into the environment/ expectations/ social rules of those around me. I kind of feel like I don't have a real personality, except for what I have shaped through seeing others act. I feel like this tends to get me taken advantage of... what I mean is: I will be with someone and they do not like how I am or how I act, so they get me to try to change. Since I try to fit it, I will change to how they see fit. Obviously, not everyone has the best intentions or is just trying to be controlling or just don't like me, and so they want me to be different. This has happened at least twice (the last time was four years ago.) The last time, by the time I left the relationship, I felt dead inside, like I did not exist and had no identity- because I was constantly changing to fit whatever he wanted me to be. Obviously I had ptsd and depression after ending the relationship, and I haven't been in a similar situation in awhile but does anyone else constantly feel like they have to always change to fit every situation? Prior to being DX'd with AS I was convinced I had borderline personality disorder because of the fact that I don't really feel like I have an identity, apart from the labels I have been given (female, student, 25, short, runner, girlfriend, book lover, tea lover etc).

I was very much a chameleon and am able to be one pretty well. But since I found out that I am on the Spectrum I have not felt the need to do that so much anymore and that has been very liberating since constantly being a chameleon can be exhausting. But I remember when I was little my brother actually criticized me for that. But now I think it was an Aspie thing.

I can't remind myself being a chameleon. I show a little more of myself since my self-diagnosis but I can't say I wasn't myself before that. I definitely have a steady personality inside of me - I am smart, willing to be useful, honest, simple, enthusiastic but also somehow lazy and constantly worried. I tend to be reserved and observant when I am in a situation that's new to me but I show my better side once I feel confident with the situation or the excitement gets stronger then my worries. I don't change easily just because someone else wants me to, the changes I show are related to my emotions, not other people expectations.
My personality changes with time but it is a long process that goes slowly, naturally. It's called growing up.

I used to chameleon a lot, and I still do some, but it's with purpose now. I'm aware of putting on a particular mask for a particular situation, but now I do it because I want to, not because I have to. I am able to actually be myself now that I have the diagnosis under my belt, and I don't have to fear that I will somehow be "caught" wearing a mask.

I kind of feel like a chameleon, but I have a strong sense of identity and who I am, I just hate drawing attention to myself. I would rather blend in than stand out.

When I notice myself changing around people, or sort of mirroring them or feeling puppeted by them, it's a different thing. It comes from mental confusion and being slow to process and respond to what is going on around me. Like if I get stuck listening to someone run their mouth a long time, I will start to lose my bearings and feel very disoriented. I might end up just nodding or agreeing to things I don't even believe in. I can get in a hazy place where I just can't think clearly. But as soon as I walk away from them or hang up the phone, I snap out of it and feel like myself again.

If I'm being a chameleon, it's different because I'm a lot more conscious of what is going on and what I'm doing. Like if I am trying to get through a family gathering, or a meeting, and I just want to murmur some polite boring things and not say anything weird that would make everyone turn to look at me like I'm crazy. I'm just all too aware that if I would really be myself, or say the things I really believe in, it might turn the whole situation upside down and create havoc.

I was going to post this youtube video of a chameleon changing colors to match a set of sunglasses until I found it was fake

Damn shame because the species of chameleon in the video is cute. Some others look ugly or brutish.

Yes - I call them suits of clothes I put on to go out in public. If I was to let everyone see the full-on true and unvarished me I'd probably have been exiled to some remote uninhabited island many years ago.

There's a suit for work, another for family, another for the general public.

The challenge is remembering the person inside the suit and to what extent you want that person to shine through the suit. It takes some thought and a continuous thinking approach to things. Also, the suits have to fit well and be somewhat comfortable.

At home, your significant other / family needs to be OK with you relaxing and "letting it all hang out". If you can't have a safe place to be yourself, then things are not good.

I felt this way for most of my life, to the point where I was 100% out of touch with my own wishes and desires.

I have only recently learned to live for myself and not others, and it has been a slow and painful process, getting back in touch with what I like and even love about this world, while trying to accept the things I dislike or hate.

The change came when I finally accepted that as a person with AS, I was not personally going to have a varied and active social life, or be a respected member of many (or any) social circles/society.

After accepting that, I started to see that a lot of the things I was striving for regarding people and society are just not good goals for anyone, NT OR AS.

Not me. I've just always been myself. I don't care what people think.