Do you feel like your family loves you?

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Best thing is to dust your feet off and be on your way SoMissunderstood. I firmly believe something much better is out there waiting for you. You deserve to be happy for once in your life and hopefully this is your chance! I know it is never easy. All too soon I will be in a predicament myself but I am preparing slowly but surely. And then I will just disappear and not leave them with the satisfaction of knowing where I am or if I am dead or alive. I am still hopeful I will find happiness as well. For all I have done for so long and only one appreciates and loves me for it. But I know she won't be here forever. She will be 87 in a couple of months and has CHF. So all I can do is prepare for that day and I am not looking forward to it. Just have decided I will make a life away from all this drama and crap they perpetuate. I for one DON'T need it!

I have no alternative but to leave, but I have asked them, out of respect to give me two days to find alternative accommodation (as it is only humane to do so), and during those two days, not to speak to me or approach me, for I shall be locking myself in the garage and then this precious space I occupy shall be yours forevermore.

I am not angry...I am highly amused, actually.

They call themselves 'Buddhists', yet they wouldn't know what Dharma was if it bit them on the arse....seriously!

I am a Hindu and Sanatana Dharma is my code and life-blood!

I have done nothing else but to carry out and fulfill my personal Dharma as scripture dictates...doing my duty as a a guest in my brother's house...doing whatever my family asks of me without question or hesitation and making sure my 'chota bhabi' (little sister) is happy and comfortable.

I did everything to the letter of law.

If there is some kind of 'Karma' involved here, I get the 1up next lifetime. :p

Last edited by SoMissunderstood on 04 Jul 2014, 2:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

This life is far from over, you are younger then I. I sincerely hope and even believe that your time will come. And I do believe in Karma.

From what you've said, there's no doubt about your position in the next life. Keep up the good fight!

As for me, I feel like most of my family loves me, but I don't think many of them truly understand me. Autism can be daunting, so I don't blame them, but sometimes I feel isolated.

I suppose they do but I feel no sympathy for them.

my mother often told me she wanted to abort me, so there was no love there! - as for my own grown-up kids, they regard me as really difficult and odd - which I am - and don't understand me in the least. I am not sure I understand family feelings anyway, my husband has put up with no end of crap from his parents and still loves them, which baffles me.

Yeah I feel like that, they want me to be physically alive, but don't care about my freedom very much, and want to change me in multiple ways, and don't really like me as I am. And have a bit of a god complex about me being created by their biological matter, and if not a god complex, at least big egos about it.

Heh...the sister-in-law just came to the door with a;

'Don't take it personally...it's just that your Autism is way too much for us to handle and we cannot cope or care for your physical and emotional needs anymore because it requires hospital staff'.

I'm like;

'so why haven't you told Social Services this yet, so they can bloody put me in one? sign me into a care facility saying I am insane?....but 'BEEP' you have failed in the 'I give a damn' dept, because you'd rather see me rot in the gutter than in residential care...so go away!'

She came back with a 'you're not getting rid of me that easily - we need to talk'.

I'm like 'Of course, I am always open to discussion and resolution of problems if voices are not raised and nobody lets their emotion cloud their judgment, so can you at least promise me this?'

She then apologised for my brother's behaviour, to which I said 'the sentiment is noted, but you don't need to do it. I want to hear it from his lips or not at all' (he'll never do it).

Anyway, the whole 'gist' of it was that she said she 'cannot take sides' and must 'support her family and husband'. I said 'of course, I would do the same and I expect no different'.

Then she said "I came out here to tell you that he is totally wrong about you and even though he is your brother, he said a few things tonight that were totally untrue and unjustified because I witnessed it for myself...and no matter how much I love my husband, I cannot deny the truth. I cannot deny what I heard and saw vs what he accused you of doing. He was making up a whole lot of bulls*** as he went along and you were very right to catch him up on it, no matter whose house it is.

Having said that, it's not your fault entirely, but there were a few times you pissed me off (unintentionally, as I now understand it), but if only I knew I could just talk to you like this...without having to hold anything back, but without getting angry or showing any emotion...I would have done so much sooner than this and possibly prevented what has just happened from happening".

So yeah...now she FINALLY gets it. *sigh*

She continued:

"Having said that, I am not about to come between you and your brother but I gotta live here TOO and this has gotta stop at least for the sake of the children, no matter whose 'fault' it is.

As far as I can see it and if you want my unemotional, unbiased opinion here, you are just as 'bad' as each other and you are both to blame....but then again, neither of you are.

You have your problems, he has his and neither of you want to share your problems, but you only serve to antagonize each other with them and at least if one half of that equation is gone, it becomes a 'problem halved'...do you get what I am saying?

Let me spell it out for you...you are too much alike in every way to be able to co-exist under the same roof for any more than a few hours...why do you think I am able to have this conversation with you now? why do you think I am not pissed at you? because you remind me of him.

However, that's one too many strong personalities for this household and I can see that him accusing you of being ungrateful and you accusing him of being unappreciative is getting absolutely nowhere (although you BOTH have a point)...but I am not going to have the household thrown into disarray over it.

I'm sorry my husband had to go and shoot his mouth off the way he did, but diplomacy isn't his strong point and I was also hoping to have this conversation with you before that unfortunately happened....but it did and cannot be taken back.

You can stay here tonight while we look into emergency housing for you, but whatever happens, you must leave here by tommorrow or we will get social workers involved...I just wish that you wouldn't put us in that situation...with the kids and all, you know?

In other words...disappear very quietly and as early as you can...I have even stretched my neck out to give you tonight because your brother never wants to see you again.

I'll calm him down, but it's gonna take months and months for him to get over it (and I still don't know what I did and I can't get a straight or logical answer)...I know it's going to be hard for you...it's hard for us too, but it is even harder with you here.

You must appreciate that it's just a bad situation and nothing more than that, really. Yes, you are a huge help and I really have liked having you here and helping me and yes, I know it's a lousy way of showing it, but you've had a week now to find alternative accommodation and have you? have you even lifted a finger towards a newspaper? the only way you are going to start looking around is if we 'force the issue' and that's what we are doing.

A few nights 'in the gutter' (so to speak) may be just the impetus you need to change your life".

As I sit here and squeeze the last few moments of remaining electricity and internet access (I don't know when I will be able to get online again after the next 8 hours, so this will be it for a while).

I have made an 'executive decision' after this latest episode.

I cannot afford it right now (not for the next 10 days, at least), but as soon as my next pension check comes in, I am going to pack up my station wagon and head up to far north Queensland....far, far away from the miserable and cold Sydney suburbs.

I have some land down here (that I cannot afford to keep paying rates on or develop it in any way), but I do not have to be down in Sydney to sell it, nor do I need to hang around anymore thinking that my family needs me in any way...that 'illusion' has been totally and finally shattered today.

Actually and right now, this whole place just has too many 'bad memories' for me and I am not just talking about here where I am, but also 4 places within a 500km radius of here.

I'm tired of this...all the NSW bulls*** and I'd love to make the move to a warmer and more 'hospitable' clime (in more ways than one). I have tried moving up there before, but my family always told me 'stop running away' and I stayed. Now I realise that I am actually running to and what anybody else says at this point is all totally moot.

I don't know what my life will be like up there, but it would be definitely better than here, if only for better weather and less overcrowding alone.

Next payday, gaiz....next payday...until then, I gotta suffer because I just had to pay my rates on the land I hate owning.

I wish you the best of luck.

My family was/is the same way toward me, they feel duty bound, but there is little kindness and interest. In fact, my father prefers to have very limited contact.

In my case, my parents have a lot of emotional issues they have carried since childhood themselves, so are unable to show much genuine affection. It took me a long time to realize that, and I blamed myself and the AS for years, but it's true.

Luckily, there are people out there who are capable of showing real love to you. The challenge in life is: finding them.

I know my immediate family cares about me, but I believe that they don't love me just because I'm the only male in my immediate family. However, I still believe my sister is an Aspie, even though my sister has no intention on getting herself a diagnosis.

As for my extended family? PLEASE!
I don't care about them in the same way my extended family doesn't care about me and my immediate family.