Searching for where you belonged?

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Does anyone else on the spectrum feel like they spent the last part of their adolescence/ early adulthood trying to figure out where they belonged? For example, for the longest time I tried to figure out what disease or what might be the cause that made me different from everyone else. I remember watching the Montell Williams show, when psychic Sylvia Browne would be a guest and an audience member would tell her that they have always felt different and she would say... "Yeah, you are on your last life" or "You're an alien, coming back to visit the planet to see how we are doing." etc.. For the longest time I thought that maybe one of those reasons was why I never felt like I fit in here. Then doing my early adulthood, I considered that maybe I had BPD and maybe that was the reason I did not fit in... it was like I was constantly searching for where I belonged/ what the reason was that I did not fit in. Finally, I found where I belong (with all of you guys) but what was everyone else's experience of that, like?

Yeah. I always wanted to know "What is wrong with me?" (or "What is wrong with all the people around me?" ) so I was looking for explanations
.
And I was pretty creative. During my teenage years (13-18 ) I was considering myself: a witch, an alien, half-alien, an incarnated demon or angel, an indigo child, an old soul but new on earth. Even a vampire (due to sensory issues).

Later on it changed and I started to consider myself just an unusual human. I was sure I am "somehow crazy" but instead of looking for a name (I decided it doesnt matter because "Noone is normal, just most of people was never diagnosed") I was focusing on small parts of my personality - like not understanding emotions, having prosopagnosia, considering people similar to things (I remember explaining it to a guy: "People are like computers with a boring, badly programmed OS, they are all the same, any differences are because of OS errors. The errors are unpredictable so I will never understand people, I don't try anymore.") etc. It was a time I gave up on everything and decided to accept myself for whoever I am and not trying to fit in anymore.

I spent the longest time searching for somewhere I belong, and recently, I finally gave it up.

I knew I didn't fit in with kids my age (and now adults my age) throughout my life. There were times were I thought I may be some type of alien, or that I was the perpetual victim of a universally agreed on prank, or that I in fact died and went to Hell, and my day to day life was punishment.

When I self-diagnosed with AS a decade ago, I made a concerted effort to improve my social skills and weaknesses and fit in. After all was said and done, I still couldn't fit in, even with people who shared my special interests.

I figure at this point, I will only fit in with a few select, tolerant people, there isn't a group or community at large that will just collectively accept me.

Yes, from about the age of ten on I always felt that way, I felt like I was not a real person and that I did not fit in anywhere with anyone even though I could never understand or figure out why or what my problem was. It was not until I was told that I am on the Spectrum that I finally felt like I fit in somewhere.

Definitely. Haven't found it yet.

Yes. I was about eleven or twelve years old when I started to feel different from others. After this, I was desperately trying to look for answers for almost five years. I felt so relieved after I was diagnosed with autism.

I still am searching to be honest and I don't know if I will ever find that place.

Well I can concur with all of your posts and I too have been wondering what is wrong with me and where do I fit in this world. After not fitting in my entire life and am still alone in every sense of the word, I find solice in knowing that atleast I am still able to walk and appear normal and for that I am truly grateful. Though I am doubtful that I can truly find someone like myself to form a real relationship with, I get the courage to crawl out of hed every morning hoping that today would be better than yesterday.
If I could tell someone younger than myself who has the same trials as me one thing, it would be that time is something for everyone and not just normal people. If you let time go by you would look back after ten years and still be exactly the same as you were back then so try and be happy every chance you get.

It is typical for humans to search for identity in that period of life. Erikson's psychosocial stages of development may be interesting for you to read.

_________________
Unapologetically, Norny.
-chronically drunk

I don't think I actively searched for somewhere to fit in, but I always had an idea in the back of my mind that eventually my life would come together and I would have a normal life with a husband and friends. My parents and brothers would treat me like I was a normal part of the family and we would all get together.
I just assumed my life would end up that way because that's the way it was suppose to be.
I really only had a vague idea of what a normal life would be like.

It wasn't until I got quite old that I realized that it wasn't going to happen. The universe was out to get me. Something was wrong.
But it was other people who were always telling me there was something wrong with me. I didn't think there was anything wrong with me. There was something wrong with the universe.
I didn't realize how socially ret*d I was.
Actually I thought I was more like an animal than human.

Being a member of WP has been my social life. I like it here.

Always and forever. One of the saddest moments was when I thought I'd be around people like me. Instead they were mostly normal. I felt so alone. After a while I couldn't take it and broke down crying.