Stagnation in life

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Does anyone else feel like a complete loser when almost everyone you went to school with has fulfilling lives and you are exactly the same as when they last saw you? It only hit me just now as I was bored and looked up some people I used to know and thats when reality hit me again. I don't even know why I do this to myself. Its like purposefully destroying any chance of being a bit more confident in myself.
I really can't describe the feeling of hopelessness and dread that I get everytime I think about the future. I don't even know what is the purpose of being born with this condition because it makes no sense to me.
I dunno. Life to me is like being punished for something you did not do.

It all depends on how you look at your spot in life.

Leonardo da Vinci is believed to have had AS and/or ASD, and his life could be described as stagnated because he did the same thing (sketching, inventing and painting) from the time he was a teen-ager until he died. But, the quality of his work is what amazes us today.

Look for the quality in your own work.

I know what you mean but I think you don't need to compare yourself with others. Happy people often tend to just be focusing on their own lives. I think you should just focus on what you want to do with your life. You can't suddenly feel confident and happy. So start doing small things and gradually move toward bigger goals in life.

Also people often try to show how fulfilling/happy their lives are even when they might actually be having problems. They often hide the ugly side of their lives.

I occasionally have those feelings (of being a complete loser). Nowadays, I try my best to not compare myself with others (as advised by jk1). Yet still, I occasionally have these feelings (of being a complete loser). As, growing up, there were expectations set (from a social perspective, from a career perspective), that I will never achieve. I try to remind myself that trying to achieve the neurotypical "game plan" is futile. And, I do my best to keep my mind occupied with other things.

I am currently at that point, although most of the time I don't think of it, it occurs to me at random times that I am behind in life. I try to see that everyone is different and I will get there eventually, I think I am slightly immature compared to my school colleagues

I used to feel that way. It is hard not to compare yourself to "normal" people. I feel a little bit better now that I have my own place. I still get down on myself for not having a family or kids. I expected to have that a lot sooner than now. The truth is I might never have those things. If that is the case, I guess I will just have to accept it. I wish there wasn't this one-size-fits-all narrative for people. It makes people feel like losers unnecessarily. Every person is different and will have a different path through life. Not everyone is meant to graduate at 18, get a college degree, get married and start having kids in their 20's, go on to live in a house in the suburbs with their 2.3 kids, and be members of the PTA, but our society does a number on the self-esteem of those of us who don't follow the endorsed life plan (which is most of us).

I like the advice of others: don't compare yourself to others. It's a hard trap not to fall into sometimes though.

yes. i'm 17 and i fel that way.
everyone i'm close with has changes so much and i haven't changed a single f*****g bit.
i try not to compare myself to others but it's pretty much impossible when i'm forced to mingle with them and be around their achievements.

I can relate. I used to feel that way big time.

Since treating my symptoms I've managed to catch up to a lot of my peers in terms of work/financial progress, and because I'm working harder and smarter than them now, it won't be too long before I blow past them and achieve greater success than they have to date. Heck, I already have by some metrics.. and I'm not slowing down any time soon!

See the link in my sig for my story & the details of what I've done.

I am always saddened to learn that others can relate to my ordeals and I can truly empathize with you all. I guess that no matter what I have accomplished would mean anything without someone to share it with and I guess thats why my life thus far have felt so meaningless. To be on the sidelines and see normal people being happy so easily makes me always get that sense of something missing.
To be honest, I am skeptical of posting because of fear of ridicule and embarrassment when it comes to my true feelings. I have never shared them with anyone before and even now under anonymity I am still paranoid.
But I am glad that somewhere in the world, someone listened and for that I am truly grateful for all of your replies and advice.

I would say this (i.e. being on the sidelines) more so than anything else describes how I feel (though, not certain if it's more than a thought or feeling -- as I constantly confuse the two).



I would suggest writing a journal. I started doing this in December 2012, after learning about Aspergers (I wasn't diagnosed until 5 months later). The process of writing down my thoughts (I am up to > 400 pages) has been quite therapeutic. I hope one day to write a book, once I figure it all out.

I feel stagnated sometimes, but not with lack of confidence or measuring up to others. My routine and family duties do so mostly, but it's a compromise I'm okay with. Even with an ADD, I can be single minded and resourceful about accomplishing goals sometimes.

They are rarely of a social nature, though.

I do.

Yes, I understand that the "pursuit of the brass ring" is largely a farce that one is smart not to buy into in the first place, but there is something to be said about having a good job, or at least...a rewarding career or occupation.

I have NOTHING.

Although AS explains the WHY behind a lot of this, it still hurts to see people who have done very little (certainly not MORE than I have) attain their goals while I languish going nowhere.

I've given up trying for a lot of stuff because I honestly don't have the energy anymore, and there has not been anything to ignite my passion for anything of late. Without passion, I don't focus. Without focus, I can't give my best. Without my best, I have little hope of success.

As I see it, if others can have good jobs without having to bang their heads against brick walls, why should I have to?

Hard though it is, you have to do things, then wait for the stagnation to end. Which it will, if you say "I will do this", instead of "I will fail if I try" or "I can't be bothered trying because it didn't work last time." That doesn't mean it is an easy thing to say. I know people hate reading this, because I used to hate reading things like "You just have to get started and have a positive attitude about it." However, it turns out they were correct. Just work out what you want to do with your life, not what other people have done with theirs, and make a plan to achieve that. As for sharing it with someone, do you have friends? Maybe it's not the same thing as love, but having friends actually does mean you're sharing it with someone, doesn't it? There are always options anyway. Dating websites might not be ideal but they're a resort you can try if nothing else is working. Of course, maybe this advice is something you've already thought of, but I thought I'd try anyway.

What you're seeing isn't the way things really are. Those people are probably having as tough a time as you. I know that isn't apparent from their online profiles. But I guarantee you that is the case.

I think you already sort of knew that last bit, and you've already admitted that looking at their profiles makes you depressed. So, I think you already know what to do.

When feeling the way you describe, I think it's important to remember that no one has that great of a life. There are of course individuals who were born into a lot of money, or who are very talented, and are able to use their talents to get way ahead in life. However, most people don't make that much money, don't have that great of a social circle, don't have that much fun on the weekends, etc. Also, EVERYONE has their own issues. Looking at pictures of people on facebook and elsewhere, and seeing all the happy smiles, you may think that everyone else except you has a great life. I guarantee, however, that there is not as much separating you from the average person as you may think.