My beliefs probably make no sense to anyone but me. I have been living for almost five decades, so I have a bit of experience with them.
Religion was a hot special interest for a number of years, but no more.
From my earliest childhood, I was a natural atheist. Religion, as explained by other people, was not congruent with observed reality.
I have dabbled in various faiths over the years but could never abandon my essential belief in the natural world.
The first religion that I liked was the version of Taoism presented in Archie Bahm's "Tao The King interpreted as Nature and Intelligence." This seemed like an almost sensible religious approach. Respectful of reality, observant and thoughtful the main idea seemed to be that there was a subtle flow to events that had a pattern that could make sense if observed closely, carefully and analytically.
I also like aspects of nature worship in Shinto and the romanticized versions of the old religions of Europe at the core of neo-paganism. But I can't avoid also seeing the dark side of putting faith in these systems. Looking at Shinto, it's hard not to come up against Yasukuni and the way the Shinto Kami can support state religion and cruelty and dehumanization of "outsiders."
The same problem can be seen in the with some of the African gods and their syncretized new world versions: the Orishas, Voduns and Nkisi. Some of them are really attractive, but there are others who are really unattractive.
But however much you might learn about these gods and their attributes and systems, it seems perfectly clear that they are human creations, projections of and metaphors for the inner forces of our emotional beings.
I became interested in Buddhism through practicing martial arts. I learned to meditate while doing hyungs and kata(taekwondo chungdokwan and Seido karate) and these practices opened my mind to a new way of understanding Zen/chan/dhyana. I practiced Buddhism for many years and received training in specific techniques from Pema Chodron and the Dalai Lama at retreats. These teachings are one of the most valuable things I have ever encountered. They emerge from a background of mystical nonsense, like all the other religions, but have a core of insightful perception and skillful cognitive practice that is both compatible with a scientific worldview and highly effective. As long as you don't get tangled in magical thinking, these are excellent systems.
At a later time became interested through humor in Jewish culture and then became fascinated by the bible and how it was interpreted. I found that these books of troubling stories and myths could make a kind of sense if read in the same way as Buddhist stories--the direct meaning of the words might be trouble, but if understood as signs to a thing for which there are no words, there could be a some psychological value in them. I read the Tanakh with some commentary and then became curious to see if the short additions of Christianity could be read in the same way.
At certain points in these explorations, I had "religious experiences" of the kind described as epiphanies. I had these experiences while contemplating a variety of deities from systems of belief generally held to be mutually exclusive and in the end I conclude that this is a psychological reaction to a certain kind of thought.
Today I am a born-again atheist. After dabbling in various systems of belief for years and professing agnosticism with respect for spiritual experience and the beliefs of others, I find myself returning home to a simple belief in things as they are. Religion is dangerous, but it represents powerful forces in people that cannot be dismissed. From this position, I maintain a syncretic buddhist-christian spiritual practice, understanding that the form of these systems is just a device for accessing certain states of mind. I reject all dogma, notions of heresy or efforts to use spiritual authority to coerce political or social conformity.
I don't think this system has a name. I don't believe god is a being, but I find it personally useful to pray at times. I don't believe in magical entities out there eavesdropping on our thoughts like a cosmic NSA, but at times I use ritual that seems to rest on such ideas. I find buddhist practice very helpful, but don't believe in the core idea of a single unitary mind trapped in the illusion of reality.
26 Jul 2014, 8:28 am
