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L_Holmes
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17 Aug 2014, 5:27 am

The reason I am considering this is because I am so sick of the pressure I am feeling from family. I went my whole life up til just about a month ago not knowing I had Asperger's, and when I read about it I related to almost everything listed as a sign or symptom, at least in some small way. The biggest ones for me were the social interactions, specific interests, and sensory issues, in general. Every day I read more about it in books, like Attwood's "A Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome", and I feel so much like it is describing me. I have never had that feeling before. Yet my family can't open up their minds and shut their stupid mouths long enough for me to explain this. I might get to describing what I feel like I have and why, and then they give me the same old crap I've been hearing for my whole life. It's basically like they're saying, "Oh, so you figured out what's wrong with you? Good, so fix it and don't bring it up again."

I am SO damn sick of hearing things like that from them. I don't understand why they wouldn't be just a tiny bit curious to know more about it and why I think I have it, or willing to consider it beyond "Well, you might be right, I guess. Maybe. BUT, if you'd just..." You'd think they would be more supportive and willing to help, considering they are my family and usually you help family out. But I honestly feel like they aren't even my family anymore, just some people I have to deal with and put on a show around, and can never really talk to. I don't belong with them. I'm starting to think I'd rather be homeless than be with them anymore. I always feel like I'm being judged for every little thing I'm doing, and if they aren't saying something about it now they're saving it to use against me in a future argument to show me I'm wrong. They always have to prove me wrong about everything, and the fact that I detest this somehow means I "always have to be right". Even my grandpa, who is supposedly really wise and loving and knows a lot about everything, outright insults me, and laughs at me, and makes me feel stupid all the time. Why? I don't know.

I've often felt like I've never been really in with a group, and my family is included. They don't seem to like me, they just like the idea that if I'd try harder I could be really successful and make them proud. I don't want to see them anymore. I'm always made to feel bad about everything because I'm not up to their standard. I thought maybe now that I had a real diagnosis from a professional, FINALLY they'd believe me and start being more supportive and understanding. No, it was the same, "Good, so fix it" speech. To be honest, I want to kill myself. I've wanted to for a long time, but that isn't really an option for me. The next best thing would be to just go. I've got enough for a plane ticket, so I could go pretty much anywhere in the US. I figure the way they treat me, they'll probably just kick me out soon enough anyway. They've threatened to multiple times for the dumbest things, so I might as well do it on my own terms.



Jensen
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17 Aug 2014, 6:28 am

Yeah! It might be the easiest way, but consider how you are going to get a job instantly.

Going for a prof dx is probably the best. If ONE of them listens, it may get you some support.
Isn´t there a group in your area?


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Tufted Titmouse
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17 Aug 2014, 6:35 am

If you have the life skills to get you by independently then sure, why not. I wouldn't waste money on flights though - move somewhere within driving/public transport distance so it doesn't cost you as much to move. Put that money towards things you need like food, furniture, rent etc.



Claradoon
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17 Aug 2014, 7:34 am

You'll probably be better away from them - but you must build your own world with people of your choice.

I have a brother who absolutely will not allow discussion of anything that he considers negative. He believes that paying any attention to it creates it. Example: If you would stop thinking of headaches, you wouldn't have one. He carries this to ridiculous extremes. Once I said I expect Dad to be drunk, and Bro said, "Don't say that, you'll make it happen." When Dad arrived drunk, Bro believed it was all my fault. We were kids then but he still thinks that. There's nothing wrong with anybody that running won't cure and he despises people who have problems.

But when I got my Dx from hospital, on its letterhead, signed by a psychiatrist and a psychologist - he accepted it! I was amazed.

And the rest of my family? We went along with Mom, who believed that we were all in perfect health and grateful for it. But she never blamed us if we got a headache, she'd make it better. (There's nothing wrong with you that TLC can't cure.)



KazKazKaz
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17 Aug 2014, 8:03 am

Plan things out. Coordinate with a friend you can trust, who you know can accept you and take you in before you have enough money to support living in your own place. Make sure that the place you're moving to has the resources that you need. Do everything official that needs to be done, change your address, etc. - if you really want a break from your family, make sure that it's completely spelled out and final. I know there are a lot of support sites that can give you tips on how to do this, find confidential advice and make sure your family doesn't know until you are absolutely prepared and ready to leave. Good luck.



r2d2
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17 Aug 2014, 8:27 am

I knew from quite young that as soon as I finished high school - I had to get away. I did it the most brutal way possible - by joining the Air Force. I must say the basic training thing is not something most people with Asperger's are going to find acceptable. But, it did at least break me away from an intolerable situation.

I certainly would not recommend doing what I did - but if you can put together a plan where you can survive and perhaps learn a vocation that will give you a future decent income - I would say - YES do that as soon as it is practical.


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