Violent thoughts towards animal

Post Reply New Topic

So I'm a really quiet person, extremely deferential and I go to almost doormat-like lengths to make sure I don't offend other people (after being abrasive and unthoughtful as a child/teenager and becoming aware of how much I bother others)

I don't like confrontation at all and will do everything to avoid it, I focus so much of my attention and effort on socializing normally and feel really happy when I'm able to carry out a conversation and navigate a social event successfully, and I like being liked by people.

So it's confusing for me and feels not at all like myself when I have these thoughts - always in response to very stressful or upsetting situations (fantasies about killing someone who assaulted me, or other people who have taken advantage of me) and I feel like this is normal to a certain extent, but I've also been experiencing these thoughts towards a dog I've had to take care of. The dog belongs to my boss (B) and I was told to take care of it for a year without being reimbursed (B told me "Yeah, the dog's staying with you") and it's been 8 months and I'm experiencing so much stress and anxiety about this dog to the point where I am afraid of actually doing something to it.

The dog was never trained by B and does not listen to any commands, bit people under B's care, has killed other people's animals while it's been with me, keeps biting, and has almost caused road accidents.

I have the dog tied up to a tree now and I feel like this is inhumane.

I've told B about the killed animals and B has expressed a kind of feigned concern (almost like B doesn't really care) but still hasn't taken the dog back, and is actually considering leaving the dog with me for good once B finishes B's job and moves away. B told me that I should find someone else to take the dog, but I don't feel like that is a morally responsible option considering the dog's behavior and the possibility of it killing more animals and biting - I would not be able to lie and pretend the dog is a good pet. I'm so upset about this and today was the last straw, I was standing staring at the dog for 10 minutes shaking in anger before finally getting myself to walk away. I had to close my eyes and imagine myself killing the dog in order to calm down and leave it alone. I've fantasised about different ways to kill this dog and feel relaxed afterward, and I know this is not healthy.

These thoughts have been happening ever since it came into my care and started acting up, but this time it was so emotionally overwhelming and a kind of breaking point.

I'm so afraid of myself and don't want to feel like this, I feel broken and this is so urgent and I need to get this dog away from me. I've considered euthanasia for it if B doesn't take it, but am afraid of repercussions from my boss and it's just all around an awful situation. I'm so afraid of confronting B because of our unequal power and all I managed to do today was send B a text message saying I can't do this anymore. I'm so scared of looking at my phone and don't know if B has replied.

Sounds like your boss has taken advantage of you big-time. You need to stand up for yourself and tell him you aren't keeping it any more so he must either take the dog back or you are taking it to the dog-shelter or vet for euthanasia - and giving him the vet's bill.

To kill this dog would be against the law. Do you realize that if you are found out you could be convicted of a felony and go to prison in most states? Don't make stupid violent choices that will ruin your life, and if you feel this way about the dog, please, do him a big favor and take him to a No-Kill shelter as a final act of kindness. Besides being illegal, I doubt you would ever forgive yourself for killing the dog, so don't consider that a solution to the situation.

Sounds like B is an @hole and really could care less about this dog or you. And it sounds like you started off with good intentions but are about to do something really, really inhumane and stupid. It does sound like B has pushed you to the limits and you are about to take this out on the dog. We all have stupid thoughts when pushed to our limits. So, just take the dog to a No-Kill shelter! Someone out there may actually be able to love this poor dog, you'd be surprised.

First off, if you just have to leave the dog tied outside (I don't recommend it at all) be sure he has accessible shade and plenty of fresh water during the entire time he's tied out. Make sure he doesn't get his chain wrapped around things where he forgets how to get himself unwrapped. Where does he sleep at night? I'm saying this mostly for the benefit of the dog but if someone reports you to animal control you'll get fined if the dog appears to be neglected.
WTF kind of a boss just forces an employee to take his dog for a year and WHY would he want to ditch his dog for a year?

Dogs can be taught to behave. There are dog training videos on youtube and books on the subject. I don't think there really are bad dogs, just neglected and poorly trained dogs.
I hate to say it but if you really REALLY don't want the dog then find a no-kill shelter to take him to. Humane Society or SPCA would be a good place to start. I'm a Humane Society volunteer and that particular shelter is no kill but I don't know for a fact if all Humane Society shelters are no-kill. Same for SPCA. City and county shelters are typically kill shelters and will euthanize dogs and cats if they are not claimed or adopted within a period of time.

Don't kill the dog!

There's a whole zen approach to an unwanted thought, which is to neither try to push it out of your mind nor try to hold onto it, for either one would give it more power. Just let it be. It's just a thought.

And I know, this can often be easier said than done, but this is the general zen approach. In addition, you don't need to be perfect. Another aspect of the zen approach is to embrace imperfection.

There are also animal rescue groups. Like in Houston, there's 'Pause for Paws'. Just lay it on the table, maybe saying something like, 'My boss has asked me to take care of his dog. This dog has already killed other animals.'

If the person on the other end of the phone is in a bureaucratic mindset, they're likely not to be helpful. If they're in a human mindset, then maybe there's a 50-50 chance whether they'll be helpful.

I feel this way sometimes and I have fantasies of killing burglars and child molesters that are imaginary in my mind

Yes, take the dog to a shelter. I guess, that ego-boss of yours has probably never cared about him anyway, but his animal is by no means your concern at all. Do the best for the dog.
Sometimes they can work miracles on animals in these shelters.

It is natural, that you are angry, - especially, when you have a history of being too compliant. It has bottled up over many years.

Last edited by Jensen on 17 Aug 2014, 12:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thank you for your replies and your clarity. I am doubtful that the thoughts would actually manifest in something, I feel very strongly that if I were to actually move towards doing something I would quickly stop because the reality of killing is terrifying to me, it's the thoughts alone that are cathartic. The thoughts upset me in retrospect and I know that it's not right but whenever I'm stressed it calms me down in the moment, and I don't want this to be a thing that I have to think about in order to calm down.

Because of where I live, there are no shelters or agency that takes dogs but I am going to confront B and get B to take the dog ASAP. There is shade for the dog and it has water and food. I'm avoiding looking at the dog now because it worsens my feelings of awfulness about myself, I just feel like I'm trapped in this unhealthy state of mind and even my thoughts are going to have karmic repercussions.

You won't actually hurt the dog, because this isn't really about the dog. It's about your boss taking advantage of you, and people taking advantage of you in general. If you stand up for yourself, you won't have these thoughts as much.

I am more worried about the dog hurting someone, since it is biting and sounds like it has behavioral problems.

One time I had a supervisor who tried to get me to do the same thing. I had JUST been hired for the job and this women wanted me to keep a dog for her until she could take it home with her. She was very pushy about it but I said no way. It made me very anxious and I was afraid I would lose the job, or that she might bring the dog to my house anyway and force me to take it.

The dog needs to go, pronto, because it is causing you stress, and because the dog may hurt someone. If it does bite someone and cause a serious injury you could be held responsible for that, and you could be fined or sued or god knows what. Call animal control see if they can come get it. It sounds like B doesn't really want the dog anyway. He dumped this dog on you because it's a problem animal.

Exactly!

You have to get rid of that dog. I don't know where you live, but if it's in Western Europe or North America there WILL be an animal control service run by the local government.

I am very concerned about this dog. If it is out of control and biting other animals it is danger to other animals and people. The very likely outcome of all of this is that the dog will die. But that is not your fault. You did not take on this dog willingly. You are not the owner so it's not your fault the dog is untrained and unsocialised. The owner very likely knows how much of a problem this is, and that's why he dumped the dog on you.

I don't know how you should deal with your boss. But you have to tell him to either take his dog back or you will turn it over to animal control. Tell him your neighbours are upset (they probably are!) and they are threatening legal action.

Plus what about getting compensation for all the food/supplies/etc that you've purchased for the dog over the last 8 months? Me, I'd have been keeping every single receipt and if your boss doesn't recompense you you could hire a lawyer and take him to court, and you'd probably win.

How exactly is the dog getting free or escaping the yard so that he goes killing other animals and biting? You might have to buy a muzzle for the dog if he keeps escaping - I'm surprised the SPCA hasn't already ordered the dog be muzzled. Be sure, however, to buy the type of muzzle that allows the dog to open his mouth inside it so he can pant in the hot weather - it's how dogs cool down in hot weather.

Do you know where your boss lives? If so I'd drive the dog over there and assuming there's a shady yard, tie him up to a tree with water & food, and if B's not home, leave a note saying you can't take the stress of the dog anymore. Or that you've developed a dog allergy. Especially as he's killed other peoples' animals - even if this dog isn't yours you could be held legally responsible and that's something you don't need.

Keep us updated on what happens!

Last edited by little_blue_jay on 17 Aug 2014, 3:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Do not kill or otherwise harm the dog,

Make sure it is well fed, has shade / shelter and water.

Tell your boss to come and collect his dog.

Good advice above. Remember the dog is also just a poor animal being handed off and doesn't have anyone to really love them. If boss will not take it back bring it to animal shelter. Perferably one that might be able to find it new home, but ultimately putting it to sleep humanely is better then harming an animal.

Under no circumstances harm that animal.

dont get the dog euthanised,he coud actualy do well as a farm or security dog with training,his behaviors coud be lessened by a nokill sanctuary as well so he coud even be a pet.

as for the thoughts of killing towards people and animals...
are aware its wrong to do those things and these are just thoughts,these coud be feelings translated into visual thoughts in the minds attempt to understand/process what are feeling, am only aware of that because thats what mine does though have only ever had thoughts towards other people for the pain they have caused,not animals.