Does your family talk about you like you're not there?

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That's just the thing, mine didn't.

My aunt does that all the time to me so I just stopped seeing her. Haven't seen her in two years. To me friendship earned is more important than blood ties. I've cut off huge parts of my family, but am practically family with my friend's relatives.

Took me some searching to find this. I couldn't remember when was the last time this happened. Well it happened again. Just like before, my aunt is here visiting from out of state. My mother knew I was coming over to my grandfather's house today, but they all took off and left anyway. I get there, and the house is all locked up. I just cannot believe this is happening AGAIN. It just slowly sinks in again and I really cannot believe it.

I have no idea where they went. I realize, crap, this time I don't have my other set of keys with me, so I can't even go inside. Must have left those in my other bag. Cell phone doesn't get any service there so I have to drive around until I can get it to work. I ask where are you. My mother says they are out shopping. Immediately starts denying that she knew I was coming over. I am super pissed and start arguing, yes I did tell you, but the call drops.

I decide, ok, I have some time to kill before they get back. So I do some shopping on my own. Like, for awhile, trying on clothes and stuff. Then I think, surely they are back at the house by now. I drive back there, but nope. They are still gone. I leave and go do some more shopping. Then I think, surely they are back by now and I drive back to the house. NOPE. Still gone.

I start back up the road and about halfway back to town, I see them coming. So I turn around and follow them back. My mother and I start arguing in the driveway. The gist of it is she claims she didn't know I was coming, and I say no that's not true. She tells me to leave. Okay well this is becoming so obvious, she thought she would piss me off enough so I would just go home, because she doesn't want me to be around the rest of the family.

Then she puts her hands on my shoulders and pushes me. I yell at her not to touch me. My aunt tries to step in and calm things down. We all start going in the house. Then on the threshold my mother grabs at me again. We are just yelling in each others faces and she won't let go. I slightly push her back just to get her out of my face. She is standing on the steps, and I could have pushed her hard but she might fall down the steps so I don't. I just want her to let go of me. Hands off. She will not let go. I finally spit in her face and that does it. She turns me loose.

It's all chaos and my aunt is still trying to calm things down. But anyway the next thing I know, I realize something feels weird around my ear and neck. I reach up. My earring is gone. I want my earring. My aunt is trying to help me find it. I tell my mother that she ripped it out of my ear. She snaps at me, NO she didn't. Swears up and down she didn't do anything to me. My aunt keeps trying to say maybe it came out in the car. No, there it is right by the threshold where we were standing. I tell my mother again, YOU RIPPED OUT MY EARRING. She still denies it.

Now my aunt is trying to talk to me. I keep trying to go to the bathroom. I REALLY need to pee. Every time I walk towards the bathroom she keeps asking me another question. Finally I yell, I NEED TO PEE IS THAT OKAY? CAN I GO PEE? I look in the mirror and wow. My neck is bleeding. There is a claw mark in my neck, and scratches all along my jaw. I really cannot believe this. This is not happening. This was years ago, right, and it was always my dad who hit me and not my mom. Is this real?

I go back out and show them. I ask my mother, so are you going to deny you ripped out my earring, when I have this on my neck?!?! Now all of a sudden she acts contrite. She says she is sorry. I say, no, you can't just say you are sorry for something like this. She says let's put some antibiotic on it. Now she's talking to me just like I'm a little kid who got hurt playing outside. Like she's not even the one who did this.

Then we do some more yelling. She tells me she came at me because I was acting crazy. She brings up the one time that I hit her, almost 20 years ago, when I was a teenager, like that is somehow supposed to justify her attacking me today. She says I left a mark on her then. I say well what about the marks my dad left on me, and you stood by and didn't do anything to stop that. She claims it was only one time. I tell her she is in denial and begin describing in detail the things he did. She suddenly clams up and walks out the door.

Then my aunt started trying to talk to me. This went on for awhile. I think she really tried to understand things from my perspective. However she asked me if I could cut my mother some slack. She said she thought my mom grabbed at me to keep me from hurting myself. I was like, REALLY?! You think my neck is bleeding because she was trying to help me? It sure didn't come across that way to me. I really wonder if my entire family is delusional.

My aunt says from now on I should tell HER when I'm coming over. Not my mom. She kept trying to get down to the bottom of why this keeps happening. But said the main thing is we just need to stop it from happening. I mean, such a huge relief to realize, my aunt really does WANT me to be there. She wants to see me. I don't know what my mother has against me. I think she is trying to keep me from seeing my aunt for some reason. I don't know why. My head is spinning trying to figure this out.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. It doesn't make any sense that she would attack you like that if you weren't physically threatening her in any way. The situation with your mom sounds very abusive and maybe even dangerous. Is there a way for you to avoid her? Does she live very close to you?

Thank you for replying. I thought no one was going to reply and I was thinking, I'm getting ignored here too.

This is the first time she's ever done something like this. I doubt she will physically attack me again, but then...who knows? Sometimes it's hard enough for me to predict ordinary behavior in people, much less anything out of the ordinary.

My mother is the most passive aggressive person I've ever known...I mean usually she's very passive about it. It's really unusual for her to just come forward and be physically aggressive like that. The reason that happened is her usual methods of trying to control me didn't work. So, I don't know, it may happen again, because I'm not going to allow her to use those tactics on me anymore.

I live next door to my parents, and they own the house I live in. That's what makes me nervous about the whole thing. I'm already feeling a ton of anxiety because I know they are in a lot of debt. And if something happened to one or both of them, the house I live in might go towards paying off that debt. I've brought up signing the house over to me, and she said she and my dad had been talking about that. I think it needs to be done, soon.

Yeah, that sounds stressful. I think being passive aggressive might even be worse than being aggressive directly because it's harder for other people to notice what their intentions are and if you try to talk about it and resolve it they can easily deny it and just keep doing it.

I hope the housing situation works out for you.

Yeah...well in a weird way I feel relieved that this happened because, by coming at me physically, she finally came out in the open with it.

My aunt is not around often enough to see what really goes on...which she knows and said herself...so I was glad at least she heard me out. But she really doesn't get it.

Today my mom wasn't there, but some other relatives came over. These are the ones I referred to in the first post in this thread, who talk about me like I'm not there. Well at supper this woman tried to cut my meat for me. And I mean she actually grabbed the knife and fork out of my hand and started doing it, as if I'm a child. I said, OKAY, you know what, I really should be going home. My aunt came after me asking what's wrong - like she doesn't know? She can't stand the woman either, really no one likes her, because she's so bossy and overbearing. They all talk about her behind her back, but then act nice to her face, but I can't play that game so I'm the nasty one right? Anyway my aunt told me, well you know that's how she is. I felt like snapping at her...so what?! what about how I am?

I feel like I'm constantly put under pressure to accept other people and be nice and amiable towards them NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO. And other people are allowed to act however they want, and that's just "how they are" but I'm never allowed to be how I am. I mean, apparently I'm not even allowed to hold my own f*****g knife and fork and cut my own food. Unbelievable. And no one can wrap their head around the concept that I'm not the kind of person who wants to humor people and play along with this BS.

It would be hilarious if I saw this stuff in a movie, but it's real life, and it's my life, and god it is depressing.

My mom talked like I wasn't there sometimes sense I was little & it continued till I moved out.

Ah, parents talking about their children... Yes, I do feel that sometimes.
At earlier days, especially after my diagnosis, I'll be very pissed off. Especially the fact that my own mom is practically a social butterfly.
And these days, it's not as worse anymore. I warned my mom never bring it up 'things', and so she did what I told. Sometimes she's rather bragging about me, yet I won't expect that it'll stop soon even though she knew I hate attention or being noticeable. (What's worse is, other parents 'agreed'. As if they're intimidated to refute that their child is any better.)

As my culture don't bring the word 'shame' but brings 'pride and luck' instead, to parents whose child is disabled or different abled. Especially the 'odd' ones, who could think outside the box that is. So, I get more patronizing than bashing from adults. (Probably because of their still fascination about foreigners. I act rather foreign to them, so they assumed stuffs like me had been studying abroad - which is more or less an 'elite' thing - when I never left my hometown. Or maybe it's just because of my childlike appearance and body language that would make them go easy on me. It's funny, but it's also annoying.)


In group chats, I'm practically invisible. Whether a relative is involved or not. And so I have to shout out whatever I want to convey with them. Then they'll mistook me for being angry all the time.

Sometimes I take advantage of people thinking I'm not there whenever I'm right at front of them. That is, if they're talking about stuff aside about me. About where they're going, what are their business, what are they planning, and so on... Stuffs that I might fish off or picked up from their loose lips. Many thought that I'm unaware of their chattering, sometimes their hidden agendas or problems, but I do remember most words of it while they're unaware that I'm being aware about it. If nothing is interesting, I'll just go to my 'world' and do whatever my mind's business is.

I couldn't say that 'I understand' you, OP. But that still sounds sucks. But even so, I still didn't get (or feel) any equal treatment. And about that feeling that people are going to ignore you, that they won't reply you... That, I can feel.
True it's frustrating but thinking about it (even it hasn't happened) is already anxious.

My aunt is telling people that my mother was trying to "help" me and she didn't mean to claw my face and neck. I can't figure out if she is lying on purpose to cover things up, or if she really believes this load of crap.

If I had been wearing anything other than a post earring, I think she would have ripped my earlobe off.

I feel so sick right now, not knowing if things are going to settle down, or if she might attack me again, or is she going to try to manipulate the situation behind my back somehow.

I mean if she has been holding in enough anger at me to claw my face? what else is she capable of?

I feel like I don't have a single person in my life right now who really cares about me. I don't know who I can talk to about what is going on.