Best way to refuse a "would you mind..." request?

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The only way to say no that I know of without offending is to suggest something better. In your case, maybe to say you take lousy pictures and have noticed someone else looks more capable. But that's really reaching.

When I'm in this situation, I just do it and try to enjoy seeing I've helped someone have a good experience rather than inflicting my dark mood on their bright one. Works better. For both of us. And if the person was creeping you out, lying, avoiding eye contact, ignoring etc are legitimate, whatever you are comfortable with.

Actually you should have told the truth and nothing but the truth:
I have the Autistic

The Autistic=
The non-existent malady that one catches by being around Autistic people
"John visited the WP forum and now he is acting weird he must have caught the autistic!"



Back to the main subject: you could have waved your hand and simply say no (in a "don't bother me" sort of way).... when they say thank you sarcastically you can answer back: you're welcome

"I don't really want to, sorry."

We are answering the question you asked. Our answers are about saying no, and that presumes you are, for whatever reason, ok with causing offense or distress in the person asking. You may feel that is unreasonable, but it is nonetheless true.

I really don't see any good way to say no to this. They asked because they want something they need help to get. To me this is a bit like asking how can you say no when you're sitting on a train to someone who asks to sit next to you as the train gets more crowded.

I'm just wondering, why didn't you want to take the photo?

They may have thought you where being sarcastic...not that it was your intent but may have worked better to say something like 'sorry I can't right now' or something. But with the wording you used I could see how they might have taken it as sarcasm so where being sarcastic back in their mind....I mean if you asked someone 'would you mind doing this or that' and they said 'well yeah, actually I would' how would you take it?

Or a simple no

It also seems you are over-thinking all this 'my own reasons, I don't want to discuss' its not like they'd expect a detailed explanation.

I would have been much more rude about it. I think you did fine. Some people just don't recognize that their not the center of the world.

Yeah, it would bother me more to lie. So perhaps the response was mostly OK, except that, like Sweetleaf said, they may have thought I was being sarcastic with the way I phrased it. Whereas I really just wanted to say "I have no problem with you asking, but I refuse". The whole thing wasn't a big deal to me, really, I just wondered if there was a better way.

The "would you mind if I refuse?" idea is an interesting one, but that sounds like it would only confuse things more. I mean, what does one say to that? I think that could also come across as a bit sarcastic, like I'm mocking their question by paraphrasing it.

"No, thank you" seems confusing, too, since it implies "no, I don't mind" in this case... and "thank you"? It's unclear, but could be taken as "thank you for the opportunity to do this, I love taking photos!" or something like that. If they asked "would you (do this)?" then "no" would work.

"I don't really want to, sorry." might be a good one! It avoids the words "yes" or "no" and the whole reverse wording of the question, but still communicates refusal and doesn't sound sarcastic. I think serenaserenaserena is the winner so far.



No, the two situations are quite different. I have no right to disallow someone to sit next to me on a train, but I have the right to not do them a favour they asked, which I don't owe them.



I intentionally avoided saying that, so the discussion wouldn't get off-topic, but some people went ahead and assumed a reason anyway. Alright, my reason was: you were not supposed to stop and take photos there, you were supposed to keep walking. There were signs about this and security guards saying this verbally at the entrance as well. Plenty of people ignored this and were taking photos anyway, but if I was take one of this group it would totally block the way and hold many people up. So really, they shouldn't have asked me to begin with, but the whole point is that I didn't want to get into a discussion with them about whether they should do it or not (hence not giving reasons), I simply wasn't willing to help them with it.

In that case I would have just said 'you're not allowed to take photos in here you know'. And if they persisted 'I don't want to in case they throw me out'. Maybe even throw in a funny comment 'I'm sure you can find a rebel in here somewhere who'll take one for you'.

If it were me it depends. If it's a group photo I'd probably be obliging. If it's for a vain selfie I'd probably make an excuse.

There's a reason no photographs are permitted, whether it's a good reason or not, and I wouldn't argue with the person about the rules either.

I think rules against photographing are similar to rules against blocking other passengers sitting down with you on a train, but maybe that's just me. In any event, the fact that photographing isn't permitted is the reason you don't want to do it makes a big difference in how I'd respond as well. Now you're no longer just being asked a small favor of taking the picture, you're being asked to break rules for this stranger as well. Big difference.

"I'm so sorry I don't want to break the rules" is what I would say. Though I'd not criticize his asking or photographing directly. But I often travel as a mom with my kids, not saying you should say this in different circumstances