Aspies and suicidal thoughts

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Years ago I worked counseling people. I talked with over 400 people as they were attempting suicide. I observed what I would call three types of suicidal thoughts;

1. Event driven like the death of a child or spouse.
2. Transition driven such as getting out of the Army and not finding a way to fit in.
3. Successive approximation where over time the idea becomes more attractive.

While number one can be intense emotionally, it can also be the easiest to leave behind as the event diminishes into the past.

Number two is tricky because a transition from one environment to another may not seem like a big deal but can rip away a context for a persons life and leave them feeling quite hopeless.

However, I have found number three to be the most difficult. It is most often associated with depression and a person over time can begin to see this option as increasingly attractive.

Depression can follow a destructive path similar to alcoholism. The alcoholic may find that he starts to lose friends, then starts to lose jobs, then starts to lose family members having an interest in him. This increasing isolation is usually the result of excessive self-absorption. I am not talking about isolation by choice, but that which comes from a life whose preoccupation with self has reached unhealthy levels and often sees others as just resources to be exploited.

Many people have depression and can think frequently of suicide. It is more of a danger for those who have used threats of suicide to attempt to manipulate others or those who fantasize about it as a "solution" to everything.

There are some things those who feel they are being drawn to suicidal thoughts can do to stem the tidal effect this can seem to have. It usually involves filling our lives with people, structure, and activities that can help carry us along.

1. Family. Unfortunately we live in a time when families ties are thin at best. However, a focus on others and how we can help them, serve them, or provide for them, can often give context, meaning, and hope to our lives.

2. Work. When we are young, work seems to be a curse. As we get older, we can find that it gives our lives purpose and meaning. People pay us for work because they need us. The need to be needed is powerful and while it is best when this need is also extended into our families, it is useful to have this need fulfilled through work as well.

3. Faith. We all have to trust in something. Many trust in the government, some in an activity such as environmentalism, and some trust in their religion. Faith can be misplaced, but it is an important way to contribute structure to our lives.

4. Friends. A kind word or encouragement said at the right time even to a stranger can have a powerful effect. While nice to receive from others, much of the same benefit can be received if you are the one originating these verbal connections.

5. Entertainment. Diversions seldom last, but in a time of decreasing relational connections they can help draw us out of ourselves. Old age at a time when we are rejected by our families and placed in nursing homes can be depressing and the diversions offered by TV can be useful to deal with it.

Since Aspies can be somewhat more isolated from others, it can seem to amplify the isolation for those with depression. One person responded by describing the difference between content and context. For those intrigued by content, there can be many opportunities to focus outward. However, for those who feel their lives have less content or cannot summon the energy to find content or relationship, life can come to be seen as bleak or hopeless.

For those who have been drifting closer to this for awhile, it is important to reach out. If someone can join a support group, library book club, church, political party, or any group that has meetings and relational contact, they might be able to add context and content to their lives.