Post-assessment thoughts (finally got the result today).

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Congratulations on your diagnosis rebbieh.

Can I just ask, you may have said this somewhere else and I apologise if you have, are you in the UK? I ask because I was surprised to hear how many appointments you had, and how long it took to get a diagnosis.

I am going to my first diagnostic appointment in a couple of weeks. As far as I can gather I will have just one interview or assessment and my mother will attend another, and that will be enough for the psychologist to determine if I am on the spectrum or not. They do have a lot of notes about me already though, as I've been under psychiatric care for some years. I wonder if I am being short changed, or if they are just doing it to stop me thinking I am autistic (I have thought this for about 3 or 4 years). Did you get assessed on the NHS?

Henbane, I'm not in the UK. I live in Sweden, which is where the assessment was conducted as well (incidentally, it was in the UK that I first started to suspect that I have Asperger's, but that's not relevant here).

Good luck with the assessment! I hope it all goes well.

Jensen, thank you for telling me all of that. The psychologist who assessed me mentioned that I could join a group like that if I want to. I was quite skeptical towards it but perhaps it's not such a bad idea after all.

Thank you, ASPartOfMe. "Your autistic brain..." It still sounds so strange to me and I still feel like I might be kidding myself.

Honestly, how can I be autistic if no one knew about it until now? How can I be autistic if people around me don't suspect it (unless they really know what to look for)? I think that most people wouldn't believe me if I told them about my diagnosis. From what I've understood I come across as a bit different (which is vague), rigid, anxious, smart, down-to-earth and quiet. But autistic? No. What if the psychologist was wrong?

I hope it's ok that I keep posting and that you don't get tired of me. I'm just trying to process this whole thing and you're only ones I can discuss it with right now.

Last edited by rebbieh on 13 Sep 2014, 1:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It´s quite ok We wont get tired.

Believe your psychologist for now. She is a professional, she did discuss your results with colleagues and she did a thorough job. She sounds very ok.
You don´t have to be obvious, and women tend to blend in more. It is not so visible in them.

My psychologist claims that aspies aren´t autistic. My group leader claims, we are.
Aspergers have to meet two criterias in Wings triade: Inflexibility and rigidity.
Autists have to meet all three: Inflexibility, rigidity and repetitive behaviors.
I don´t know. Aspies tend to do repetitive movements too, so I´m not sure about that theory.

It is how you function, that matters, and you will begin to see that clearer as time goes, you can´t know now. You have only been you. It takes a while to discover the difference.
I suppose, you have read Tony Attwood? The Complete Guide to Aspergers syndrome.
He´s done a lot on youtube as well.
Tania Marshall is working on a list of female aspie traits.
Find them on the net.

Rebbieh ? I felt the same way after I was diagnosed (in April 2013). Until, just recently.

So, after I was diagnosed, I posted this thread, Just Diagnosed, yet somewhat Skeptical (Long) <click>.

Why was I so skeptical?
- I am skeptical by nature. Usually, I do not like relying on any one person's opinion (for anything).
- Several family members (who are Doctor's in the mental health profession) have expressed surprise with the diagnosis and suggested second opinions.
- I am married, have 2 kids and have held a job (well, 15 of them, but who is counting) over 25 years.
- I don't experience the intense sensory issues that some people talk about on WP. I do have them, but not at the same level of severity.

So, I then spent the next year (well, actually a bit more than a year) wondering if the diagnosis was correct. I even started therapy earlier this year to, among other things, get a second opinion. I had other goals as well, but I really wanted to talk to someone about ASD. After my first session, I posted this thread, What can I expect from Therapy? <click>.

Unfortunately, the Clinical Psychologist (who I am seeing for therapy) hasn?t been too useful (in terms of providing that second opinion). While she has expertise in ASD (her dissertation was on Autism), she indicated that my behavioral could be explained by Aspergers or perhaps, a bunch of other things (including generalize anxiety, social anxiety, OPCD, SPD, etc.) that ?share a similar constellation of behavioral symptoms?. She didn?t understand why having any particular label was that important.

Anyhow, fast forward to a month ago. I participated in some experiments which were part of an ASD research study. The experiments included a series of eye tracking tests. After the experiments were completed, the researcher (who is also on the spectrum) told me, ?For someone of your age, you are a quite typical ASD male?. Several weeks later, the researcher sent me the results from the experiments. The results were consistent with other people on the spectrum. If you are interested, a video describing similar experiments, is available at: The Social Brain and Autism <click>. As a note, I stumbled upon this video only after participating in the experiments.

The net-net of this, is that after this long journey, I have stopped questioning the diagnosis. I now accept it.

In any event, I doubt my own story is that interesting to you. But rest assured, you are not the only person who has doubts, post diagnosis.

That's interesting, thanks for explaining Good luck getting your therapy: it was recommended for me during my diagnostic discussion as well, and I'm finally starting it now. Hopefully it results in good things.

I don't think blaming AS and using AS as an excuse are the same thing. Using it as an excuse would be saying something like, "Well, it doesn't matter that I hurt her feelings, I have AS, so I make social mistakes." That's not the same thing as approaching your professor and saying, "I have AS, which makes group projects really hard for me because they make me anxious/overload me/make it too hard to do my best work, is it okay if I work alone?" The first is glossing over your mistakes and not owning up to them because of your condition. The second is admitting you have a problem, which is related to the fact that you have a condition, and admitting you may need help for it. I have to have extra time on my stats exams because my processing speed is so low that I can't complete my work in a timely manner. That's not using AS as an excuse to "buck the system" and get extra time when I don't need it, it's acknowledging the limitations of my condition, and getting the necessary help for them where needed.

Jensen, I think the psychologist who assessed me is really good and I like her. Anyway, I don't know why I find it so difficult to realize that you don't have to be really obvious in order to be autistic (I believe AS is on the autism spectrum). It's like my brain only sees the extremes; either it's obvious that you're autistic or you're not autistic (I'm very aware that's not the case, it's just difficult to comprehend).

I seem to remember I started reading The Complete Guide To Asperger's Syndrome a few years ago when I first started to suspect I have AS. I never finished it though. Not sure why. Perhaps I should try it again. I remember being able to relate more to Aspergirls by Rudy Simone.

Rocket123, thank you. It's good to know I'm not the only one feeling like this. It's also nice to hear you eventually stopped doubting. I hope I will too.

StarTrekker, thank you and good luck with your therapy.

I was, until I checked up on the test. I'm going through disabilities services to get tested. I asked my counselor about the tests, said the disabilities place said they do "comprehensive testing using several tests and interviews". She said "comprehensive" is the generic for "all the above" and usually means the same amount/type of battering no matter where you are. So I went with it. Turns out their comprehensive testing does not include as much as they originally claimed (I guess things were lost in translation somewhere, not too uncommon, surprise ). So they will do a few tests, but it sounds worthless when it comes to getting a reliable diagnosis.

I learned one other interesting thing while participating in the ASD research study. Well, actually, I learned a lot of interesting things, but this one in particular may apply to the situation.

I mentioned to the ASD researcher that I thought I came across as being fairly neurotoypical. The ASD researcher told me that it is not uncommon for people to not recognize how they ?come off?. More so, even if that person has the opportunity to watch a video of themselves interacting, they still would not recognize how they ?come off?.

Yup! AS is on the spectrum as one autistic condition among others! FINI!
You say it yourself: You think in extremes. It is or isn´t.You like things to be concrete. That is typical. Categorical thinking = rigidity.
When you talk to people on casual terms, these things, - if they are picked up at all, won´t make anyone think: "Aha! An autistic person". A few categorical ideas won´t make anyone autistic.
It is the psychological habitus and pattern of abilities at large.
A professional would notice and start listening for more and maybe look at body language and eye contact and then put two and two together.
If you are socially good, even if shy/awkward, you won´t come off as obvious to the average person.

I often think: Rubbish. I am VERY neurotypical, - but then I remember all the time I spent trying to understand social games and ideas, other ways of thinking and how to read indirect communication....and how I still have to think like a mad-woman to keep up in social situations.

Yes. Try The Complete Guide once more.
The first time I read it superficially, thought, "boys" and left it. Then I grew suspicious and began to read it as if it described me....OUCH!

I never could identify much with Rudy Simone. She is way more girlish, than I ever was.

Yeah, Rudy Simone is way more girlish than I ever was as well but I could still relate to some of the things she wrote. At least that's what I thought a couple of years ago.

And yes, I really like it when things are concrete and I tend to think in extremes in most (not all) areas of my life. Things are right or wrong, true or false, I'm "obsessed" or disinterested, I do things wholeheartedly or I don't do them at all (unless I'm forced to) etc. Things like that. That's just the way I work most of the time. I don't know why but things feel safe that way. It's a bit difficult to explain. Do you know what I mean?

Exactly! I was exactly like that earlier. I am more than twice your age, and I have looked, learned and softened up a bit over the years, but basically I´m the same.

Tomorrow it's been a week since I got my diagnosis. I still don't know how to process the whole thing, what to feel, whether or not to believe the psychologist came to the right conclusion etc. I should probably trust the result after a half a year long assessment and a diagnosis confirmed by three or four of the psychologist's colleagues, but I keep worrying that perhaps I subconsciously faked or exaggerated things. Also, I can't let go of the fact that I don't seem autistic to other people. I don't understand. I don't know what I'm supposed to be like. I've got so many questions (I've written a list of all the questions) and I don't know what to do about them because I won't get to see the psychologist for another two weeks. I feel like I'm going to explode (metaphorically).

(I feel like I'm writing the same things over and over but this is really relevant to me. I'll keep writing here for now instead of starting new threads. At least when it comes to this subject.)

Hey there,

I'm like you - been around here for a bit, but just finally got diagnosed myself. My shrink leaned toward it on the 11th, my first visit, and confirmed it last night. The process was shorter, yes, but the end result's the same.

As far as exaggeration, maybe it might help to ask yourself - what is the alternative? That's one of the best questions to ask with any difficult conclusion, I've learned. There are reasons for things, and if we're fretting over a conclusion, it's important to ask whatever else might be possible. If there aren't any good alternatives, I think you can rest more assured.

Finally, don't worry about subjective things like "seeming" autistic. My fiance, who's known me over ten years, didn't think I was, either. And as someone who worked over a year with mentally handicapped individuals, I know some of them didn't "seem" handicapped at times, either, but there are criteria for those things that they met, however subtle, and that pretty much answers it objectively there.

Best to do is just be patient, save your questions, and present them when the time comes. I'm really anxious to see what my WAIS IQ score was - are my strengths and weaknesses what I thought they were? what are my subscores, etc. - but I have to wait until the 30th.