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Can people tell you are autistic when you meet?
Yes they can 23%  23%  [ 18 ]
No they can't 25%  25%  [ 20 ]
Maybe if we talk for some time 43%  43%  [ 34 ]
There's nothing outwardly "strange" about me 9%  9%  [ 7 ]
Total votes : 79

Andrejake
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15 Sep 2014, 6:19 am

Only by looking at me i don't think they can know that. But if we talk a little or stay a little closer for a while they start to see the autistic traits.



neobluex
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15 Sep 2014, 7:34 am

What I've seen: Probably not (unless the subject is low-functioning). If they do, they won't say anything.



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15 Sep 2014, 7:46 am

If Aspergers was well understood when I was young (60's/70's) it would have been easily picked up. But as an old adult, my 'symptoms' are so suppressed that they just think I'm a little odd.


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15 Sep 2014, 8:47 am

Of course the only way to know is to ask, and then only if people are honest.

We aren't necessarily the most skilled at guessing what people think.



autismthinker21
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15 Sep 2014, 5:51 pm

they cant tell because we use our own communication skills proper and not neglected. its seems we are going to be able to change the way everyone views autism as. but who knows. some lie and deny they have anything going on. i am getting very drowned out with ways of meeting people now.


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Raleigh
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15 Sep 2014, 7:13 pm

Most people at work identify that I'm autistic. Maybe it's the fact that I get excited about things like sorting the Lego or untangling the apron strings after they come out of the dryer. Maybe it's the fact that I swivel on my chair the entire lunch (instead of eating and talking like everyone else) or vibrate my legs - and that little flappy thing I do with my hand when I'm absorbed in something else. Maybe it's because I don't make eye contact or speak to people much. I also meltdown fairly frequently. But I work in an area where autism is common so most people know what it looks like.
Outside of work, people just think I'm strange, shy or social phobic.


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skibum
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15 Sep 2014, 11:19 pm

Charloz wrote:
sharkattack wrote:
I can flap if I get flustered and I make a moaning kind of sound too.


I wasn't aware this was a part of Asperger's. Especially not the moaning sound.

You seem to be rather uneducated in ASDs.

I am curious. Is that a picture of you in your avatar or of someone else?


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skibum
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15 Sep 2014, 11:26 pm

Charloz wrote:
But society as a whole requires certain things of it's members. That is, to act in a way that isn't too crazy. Not to make weird random sounds, not to flap your arms around like a bird or throw yourself on the ground crying, or curl up in a ball. Behavior that is more fitted for an angry toddler or a kid of a sugar rush does not belong with a grown up man or woman. I feel that people who act in such a disgraceful way hurt the entire name of the spectrum and all those on it. So I advocate for all of us to at least somewhat appear normal. So that when someone hears you are autistic, they'd go: "Oh my! I would never have guessed it of you," and then you can tell them: "why, because I am too 'normal'?" And then the other person would go: "I guess the way I looked at autistic people was wrong, then!" ;)

I understand what you are trying to say and I think that you actually have a good intent. But coming from a very high functioning person whom no one suspects unless they know what to look for, even I have had some public meltdowns. And I think what you are saying here, although, in theory might be understood, it really is not very fair. If I am overloaded to the point of having to meltdown in public, I am not going to care what anybody thinks. Now hand flapping is not one of my stims but rocking is and if I need to rock in public, I will and I am not going to care what society thinks. I don't owe society anything. If they don't want me to stim, they can enforce the laws that people break everyday when they play their car stereos so loudly that I can't survive it. If society doesn't want me to stim, they can stop playing stupid music in every store, they can use softer lighting. Unless they make significant changes in the way things are done, I am not going to care if they see me stim. Why should I? I don't expect them to change everything they do to accommodate my sensitivities. So since they have no intention or ability to accommodate my sensitivities, and I have to live in this world that overwhelms me, they can turn the other way if they don't want to see me react to the things they have created that overwhelm me. If they don't want to see me stim, all they have to do is not look.

I am also wondering, have you ever had a public meltdown? Have you felt so much sensory overload that you could not stop its onset no matter how hard you wanted to control it so that you would not have to go through this public embarrassment? How is it for you when that happens?


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Last edited by skibum on 16 Sep 2014, 1:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

ASPartOfMe
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16 Sep 2014, 1:22 am

Charloz wrote:
The more 'normal' we manage to come across the better we will be treated.

True

Charloz wrote:
and the more we'll be understood

False. All we did is fool people for necessary survival not make them understand Autism because
1. They do not know we are Autistic
2. If you tell them they will have no idea the effort that went into appearing normal.

While those who are obvious are pitied or feared. Those that are not are believed to have character flaws like laziness

Faking normal as you know requires being on guard 24 hours a day 7 days a week. That causes other problems such as stress, anxiety, paranoia fear of that one slip up that will reveal your autistic self. These added difficulties make it even harder to keep up "acceptable" behavior because a stressed exhausted person is more likely to slip up.

I had a couple of people know I was autistic before I did. But I have little idea of what people think of me


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16 Sep 2014, 8:16 am

I don't think anyone has ever asked if I'm autistic, but I think it is fairly obvious to most people that there is something going on. After my husband and I had been married a few years, he told me that very often after people met me they would ask him what was wrong with me. This was several years before I was diagnosed so he didn't have a good answer, and he would tell them "that is just how she is."



Johannes88
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16 Sep 2014, 4:00 pm

This is an interesting topic for me,

I don't think most people know that I have it except that I'm not a great conversationalist most times when I first meet someone because I can't really get the approach to look completely natural and hide my discomfort on certain occasions. No, actually, the real problem is I just can't comprehend how to high five someone for the life of me.

I'm usually normal and make a lot of good friends but I'll have the tendency to say things that are really rude and innappropriate or just won't quite know how to play something off. 95% of the time, my brash openness is appreciated so it's kind of a good with the bad type of thing. I'm never apologetic afterwards, I can't be apologetic. I mean, unless it's work related or something, then it's just because I don't want to be in trouble. One time got yelled at by a girl in my college dorm, she said, "you really just don't know how to make people like you, do you?". And that was in front of everybody, can't really remember why she said it, I was shocked, but nope, didn't feel in the least bit sorry. I'm sure when I go to hell there will be a list of all the bad innappropriate things I said and did and I'll just be forced to watch them all day. And I'll be like, "oh God, I'm a horrible person!"

I get the meltdowns sometimes but only under extremely stressful circumstances, and I keep it together enough so I only do really strange behavior at home. I don't think I'm really any worse than any other normal person in that sometimes they get stressed out.

Had a girlfriend who didn't know but then looked it up and was like, yeah, that's totally you.

Why is everyone all about their little strange querks like jittery hands and being sensitive to light but nobody has any stories about how they really suck at reading the atmosphere or empathizing with people?

Or at least how you get hyperfocused on things...

Kind of a problem when I'm eating, get so focused on the food and forget to care about other people. I mean, I kind of realize it but it's sort of wired into me. I try to follow table manners but I still eat like a starving orphan.



skibum
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16 Sep 2014, 4:17 pm

Welcome to WP Johannes.


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WhatHazard
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16 Sep 2014, 4:31 pm

I think people can tell there is something off about me, people have always tried to give me advice about how to talk, what to say to others and how to carry myself.. but as far as most people can tell I'm an eccentric introvert and that's about it.



tetris
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16 Sep 2014, 5:07 pm

To be honest I'm not entirely sure as I don't really realise how obvious I am. But I think the average person realises there is something off about me and those who are more informed about autism would realise I am.



FluttercordAspie93
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18 Sep 2014, 11:27 pm

I've maybe only had one person guess that I was autistic before.

But that was about it.



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19 Sep 2014, 1:35 pm

Yes they can, people tell me i have an 'autistic face' and the way i walk is autistic and facial expressions.