Anybody more socially perceptive than most NTs?

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Obviously, I have some pretty big social deficits, but I have always been highly perceptive when it comes to social situations. My mother often tells me how as a small child (3-4), I was always so observant and pointing out flaws when it came to social situations in ways that children that age rarely even understand. Usually this pertains to me analyzing other's interactions with each other, but sometimes it's also me observing the person/people I'm interacting with. Whenever I say something or see somebody else say/do something, there is always a specific and "appropriate" reaction that I'm expecting to come next. I know instantly when something is off. I usually can't tell the "hows" and "whys" of the situation, but I 100% know that something is wrong. I know a lot of people on the spectrum are oblivious to these matters, but I'm wondering if anybody else is similar to myself in this way?

I'm not sure, because I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean. But I have at least a somewhat similar skill in that I find it easy to tell when social interactions aren't going the "smooth, pleasant" way they are supposed to. Like if someone says something a bit off, I can tell the other person wasn't impressed even though their reaction is very very subtle. Or more broadly, if someone isn't really wanting to be conversing with someone, and alternatively if they are really happy to be. Stuff like that. I pick up on it very easily.

When it comes to my own interactions, however, it's a lot harder to tell. Or more to the point, I don't know what to do about it. And I err on the side of "they are bored with me" which I don't think is correct as often as I think it.

In summary, I couldn't always tell you beforehand what an "appropriate" reaction is, but I can tell once the reaction has occurred whether or it was a good fit in the conversation/interaction.

Yeah, very similar to what I'm talking about. For me, it's all in the slight tones of voice and body language that is hardly noticeable (as in, majority of NTs wouldn't pick up on either). Like I said, I don't really understand the whys and hows, which is basically me saying I don't have a clue what to do about it. So, it's really kind of a double-edged sword, because if I was more unaware then I wouldn't have to deal with all of the negative emotions that result from me being able to pick up on not being responded to well while I don't have the social skills to fix it or understand t. I guess it might have something to do with the way I analyze/interpret things in a much more detailed way.

I'm with you yellowtamarin. I can tell when a social situation is not running too smoothly and anticipate that someone will get or is already upset more so than most NT's I know. For me it is a really bad feeling, as if I pick up the bad vibes and they resonate through me making me feel quite ill and incapacitated. But I also find it hard to gauge whether I am the one causing the bad vibe or not, or if others pick up on my bad vibe. I also scored higher on a EQ test than my Wife did and she seems to be more socially adept than me.

To the extent I had to teach myself social interaction rather than instinctively understanding it, which often gives me a better insight into why people act in certain ways than people who just got it in the first place.

NTs sure do pick up on these things, just usually not consciously Instead it translates into judgements and feelings about the other person, such as a desire to distance oneself from them, or becoming attracted to them, or getting a "vibe" about them and not knowing why...

When I get a certain "vibe" or feeling about a person, I usually know why. I'm aware of the subtle things they have done that have made me feel a certain way about them. In some ways this is a good skill, because I can choose to analyse the reason behind my feelings towards someone, and decide if these feelings are justified and useful, or if I should perhaps get to know the person better, give them another chance, etc. before I let these feelings sculpt my OVERALL perception/opinion of the person.

Yes and no. I think a lot of the time I pick up on little details that others might miss, like people giving each other furtive glances, a subtle change in the tone of voice, or the tiny flicker of a muscle in someone's face. And I pick up on multiple meanings in the things people say, that seem like unconscious slips or like they are implying something other than what they are saying. I'm just not always good at figuring out what some of those things really mean. Sometimes I interpret things differently than other people, and over time I may find out that what I picked up on was totally accurate, but in the meanwhile people may be lying or hiding things and it confuses me. And then sometimes I just flat out miss stuff because I don't think the way other people do.

Hell no

I can often easily pick-up-on if somebody is subtly lying or in a bad mood by their tone of voice and/or facial expressions. Might be related to the fact that adult autistic people often feel guilt more easily than NTs do, even when something isn't their fault at all.(i.e. more sensitive)

Yes.

Though being sensorily overloaded lessens this ability. But if I remain fully present, it's quite scary the things I pick up on. Also it can be frustrating to know what someone wants from me, but knowing that they will never admit it.

Right now I'm looking for ways to capitalise on this. Both to avoid the exhaustion that comes with picking up vibes and also to to find ways to leverage this ability in order to have a better life.

Meditation and mindfulness are showing great promise in helping to stay present and calm in many situations. Also some medications might work. Bupropion is under testing right now for me, and we'll see what it does.

Instead of being crippled by my sensitivity, I want to leverage it to its fullest extent. Essentially the ingredients of becoming a magnificent socializer are right there. The only problem is how to manage the emotional drain all of this causes. It is literally the only hurdle there is. And also to keep in mind that other's think very differently from me. If the emotional impact could be nullified then this would be a true superpower.

I've often been called insightful, but when it comes down to everyday, interpersonal interactions I'm not sure what many people want emotionally. I had to learn what was expected and why in most settings.

My mum says that when I was 4 we were at a park with my aunts and uncles and cousins, and there was a woman breaking down (crying like anything), not out of madness, she was just yelling out that her dear husband had an unexpected and untimely death, and so she was obviously helpless and devastated. And I started crying and pulling at my mum's hand because I felt really bad for the woman and wanted to go over and help her. A few people went over to help her, but I wanted to go over to her too because I could almost feel her devastation, but my mum said that she probably wouldn't want everyone crowding round. My cousins didn't seem to care, they just stared and one or two of them smirked at each other, and then all they were interested in was to play on the swings. But I was feeling so disheartened for this woman, that I didn't want to play. Is that weird for an Aspie child?

Yes. I see all kinds of things. But when it comes to my turn, I can't manage myself in the moment.