Is your image of yourself way off from other people's?

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For whatever reason I think I look like an out of shape flabby nerd, basically intimidating to nobody. I don't know why I have this self image exactly I just do.

But from other people apparently they have a very different image of me, one of my wife's friends told her I look scary like a serial killer. My wife asked her why exactly she thought that, and she said I am too calm and nice, nobody is that calm and nice.

I've heard from other people too that I look scary or intimidating, which I can't understand at all. I mean I'm 5 foot ten inches in boots and have basically no muscles visible, I have a normal male haircut and I wear tee shirts and jeans mostly and have no facial hair or tattoos. The only thing I can think of is my lack of facial expressions or flat affect in speaking that creeps people out.

I was just curious if anyone else has a disconnect between how they think they look, and how people really think you look.

One time I was dragged along to a group hangout by a friend of mine at the time, I pretty much sat silently by myself just doing my typical watching/listening routine. At one point during the night, one of the guys looked at me and told me that I seemed like the kind of person that would randomly bring a gun in public- implying that I'd lose it and commit mass-murder. I was stunned, and even more so when others in the group agreed. Some times I will think to myself "Wow, you're totally fitting in socially and fulfilling normal social expectations", then I will realize that I definitely wasn't so.

I often *wonder* what people think of the way I look, but I never ask. I generally don't care...

Perhaps I should start asking one or two key people... for curiousity's sake..

I picture myself as quiet and unassuming. In a social situation I basically just sit and watch and don't say anything unless someone speaks to me.

And yet, Ive been told too that I come off as scary and unpredictable. I really don't understand how or why but if it makes people want to leave me alone then perhaps it's not a bad thing.

I speak only when it is necessary to. I hate small talk. I like to work quietly and don't usually interact with others when we share a space because I am absorbed in my work.

People in my age group use this same criteria to say that I am stuck up. People older than me think I am shy. I'm not shy. I would just rather not talk and socialize when it's not exactly necessary to do so.

I have no idea what other people's image of me is.

I am not even sure what my image of me is.

It's hard for me, too. And I get mixed messages. "Intimidating." "Weird." "Strange." "Perfectly charming." "Depressed." "Happy." "Poised." "Fidgety."

Most horrible really is that I have no proper self-conception. Since I always knew I was different, all I knew was to try to copy other people. So I don't know who I am. I mean, in a deep way, I sort of do. But if I had to describe myself as a character in a novel, I wouldn't know at all what to say.

That sums it up for me.

Me to. I guess there must be something to that cognitive empathy thing.

I'm sure it is.

I don't feel very big/strong etc, but I am 6'2 200lbs & in pretty good shape.. so I'm sure I come across that way to others more than I feel it myself.

A lot of people seem to think I'm distressed when I'm only tired or bored. A lot of people also think I have way more energy than I actually have. I have chronic fatigue, but I'm also hyper. Especially when my fatigue is bad. Mainly because I'm running on adrenaline and don't have enough energy to control myself.

Well, all of my life, pretty much, people have thought I was a space cadet. Then, in my twenties and thirties people added b!tch to the list. I think people thought I was a space cadet simply because I didn't talk, think, behave as they did. Their thinking I was a b!tch was justified 'cause I wouldn't put-up with anybody's sh!t----still don't!! !

Now, people tell me I'm intimidating. As many insecurities as I've had lately due to being unable to find employment, that cracks-me-up. I'm 5'11"----really tall for a girl----so, I guess that's it. People say that I look like I know what I want. If that means I'm not gonna put-up with anybody's crap, then that's ME!! !

I haven't a clue. I might as well be looking in a Fun House mirror.



I've always wanted one of those btw, for the home. Great to have in the bathroom for guests to find.

For a long time I didn't really know how other's perceived me except I assumed that they perceived me as an unattractive loser.

During my twenties I have learned a lot social skills, and learned to approach women etc. One problem I identified a few months ago that my face was always tense and stressed out when in public. No wonder that social interactions went badly. I also realized that my facial expressions are reflecting my inner mood and thoughts. So basically I couldn't mask my inner emotions, unless I made myself angry. Then the angry face would mask other emotions.

So I realized that in order to socialize successfully, I would have to learn how to be comfortable around people. After some time I stumbled on meditation and mindfulness practice. Also I realized that I had repressed a lot of emotions inside me, and I had to get them out somehow. I just tried to allow myself to feel those emotions. Just as I was writing this post, I actually started crying for a bit. I see it as a good sign since I believe it makes me a more emotionally stable person, when I allow myself to cry when I'm alone.

Together meditation, mindfullness and releasing my repressed emotions, made my baseline anxiety a lot lower. I would begin to have times where I would be rather relaxed around people. This was naturally reflected on my face. Subsequently, the reactions of other people improved a lot.

The final ingredient in my social performance improvement has been the bupropion medicine I am taking (known as wellbutrin and voxra among others). Somehow it has made social interactions more rewarding and generally just improved my ability to socialize with nonchalance. Together coupled with my improved social understanding, I have become a lot more social.

Neurotypicals are constantly pinging each other i.e. they are looking at each other and assessing the other person's mood by looking at his/her bodylanguage. And they do it completely subconsciously and automatically. This is the reason why aspies are often perceived as weirdos, creeps, angry etc.

This last weekend an older woman commented to me that I'm the kind of guy who talks to everybody. I was like WTF? I'm an extremely introverted person, and have spent massive periods of time in total isolation. Also upon leaving a nightclub, I just casually started talking to these two women, and we went to McDonald's to eat. When we departed ways the other girl just spontaneously hugged me.

So meditation, mindfullness, emotional release techniques and the bupropion medicine have caused significant changes in my personality. And other people are noticing. They are reacting much more positively. Hence the way I perceive myself is becoming a reality for other people as well.

Because really I am a charismatic, fun guy, but most people never got the chance to see it since I would not feel comfortable around strangers. Only the select few who I developed enough trust in would see this side of me.

I've been called "stoic", "confusing" , "difficult to read" and my favorite, getting the "what's wrong?" when nothing is wrong. I just tend to have a more serious demeanor. But when I try to look and sound "happy" it feels forced and fake. I'd rather just be myself and if it turns you off makes me seems unapproachable, my bad