Is this ableism?

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I'm not sure it's discrimination but you may have been bullied.
Each to their own regarding how people identify themselves. I prefer "I'm on the spectrum".. there are so many things that define me as an individual and autism is just one part.

Oh ya, I told this guy I'm autistic and the first thing he said to me was that I shouldn't be ashamed...I'm not (nothing to be ashamed about really).

What does "person-first v. identity-first" mean? I don't understand the concept. Isn't a person and an identity the same?

Person first language puts the person in front of a disorder in context of a sentence.
"The mafia boss with autism drives a Mercedes-Benz S-class."

Identity-first language puts the disorder in front of a person in context of a sentence
"The autistic mafia boss drives a Mercedes-Benz S-class."

I wouldn't say you're a victim of ableism moreso than you are a victim of internet trolling. Either way, it takes nothing away from how you feel. Considering you said this is an "anonymous" website, I wouldn't be surprised if the posters use that anonymity to troll.