I HATE having Aspergers

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People treat me like complete crap. They don't trust me. They treat me like I'm younger. They think I'm weird.

I only have 3 friends. That's it. No one else really talks to me. So many people bully me. I can't make friends, because I'm socially awkward,& really don't know to make friends.

I'm ugly. No one ever compliments me, besides senior citizens.

I'm such a slow learner. It takes me forever to learn. I need specialized tests,& need extra help. I'm way behind on learning. I'm doing what 9th graders are doing. I'm 12th grade.

I can't do push ups, sit ups, anything like that. I can't lift 50 ponds.

To be honest I want to end my life. I've contemplated suicide-to the point of where I've had a plan. I feel worthless. Completely.

I don't get why I should be here anymore

What are your "special interests?"

There is probably lots right about you. You just have to think about it, and know these "right" things.

it was said Einstein was a slow student when in primary school. IOW IMHO it is poor educators more than anything, because people do not all learn things in the same way.

I have written your post so many times in my journals. I've made it almost 30 years before finally deciding that I am me and I don't want me to change, I actually like who I am. I do not like how society treats me or people like me. I don't like them treating me like I'm an alien, I do not like being told I should change who I am just to fit in with them while people post "Be true to yourself" crap on facebook.
It doesn't make the hurt go away to accept myself though. I find what I like to do, I focus on my obsessions and I pour my frustrations out into it. I go online anonymously and rant or even troll, depending on the subject and audience. Sometimes it helps just to talk to other people going through the same thing.

For what it's worth, I am glad I failed at suiciding all those times I tried. I'm glad I was stopped. At the time I wasn't but I've found things to live for now and I treasure those. Even when I feel like crap, I do things for me, screw everyone else. I have to be mean to myself, too, remind myself that depression is a war in the mind, that my brain is lying to me and making things seem worse than they are, even if they're bad. If that makes sense... Maybe because I'm just feeling really depressed myself that I really want to reach out to you to tell you there are things to live for. Suicide affects me deeply, because I've been there. It's a horrible place. I hate it. Without my obsessions and hobbies, I'd probably be there right now.
I'm not very good at motivational speeches, but I guess I just wanted to reach out. I don't mind listening to anyone who wants to talk.

Hey man, your not alone. PLEASE don't kill yourself. This world wouldn't be as great of a place without you.

OP, one good thing about you is your love of dogs. And I am sure there are many others not really evident to you right now.

I think that probably most of us here have been through what I might call "the tunnel of Asperger despair" and many of us more than once, where our feelings were very much as you describe. In that tunnel, things do seem hopeless. There is an old saying: "the only way out is through". You are passing through this dark place; you will not be stuck there forever.

Take this on trust: it is an open ended tunnel and sooner or later you will emerge from it. In the meantime you are doing the right thing: reach out, talk about your painful feelings, maybe ring anonymous helplines for a safe place to talk about dealing with this, seek out safe people who are good listeners, go to depression support groups online, cherish yourself in any way you can - a good meal, a good sleep, - one of the most important things is to get the rest you need.

I know that hopelessness is a very difficult feeling to cope with, though it is a feeling, not objective reality. Until you are able to hope again, let others hold on to that hope for you, or at least one person. Someone who cares and understands and accepts you just as you are.

I hope you emerge from the tunnel soon. Don't give up.

You don't have to be "great" at anything. "Great" is just a value judgment, anyway.

I'm a "jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none. I'm no Da Vinci!

Some of the posters have offered fine advice. One of them has been to the "hell" of suicide and has survived it.

Just hang out and "talk" to people.

You mentioned you like dogs. People with autism tend to be excellent with animals. Do you feel a special connection to dogs that you don't have with people?

Why can't you have a dog? Would you enjoy volunteering with dogs (at the humane society or something) or an animal therapy program? When I was looking into getting a dog, we visited the humane society and the guy who helped us, had autism (he told me so) and appeared to have some delays of some sort- but I would imagine they hired him because he's great with the dogs. Also, my kids go to animal therapy about once a month- they get spend time with different animals in a supervised environment.

I'm sorry you feel this way. I don't have any direct experience, but as corny as it sounds, I'm sure you have a purpose. Have you told/ could you tell your parents about the depression you feel?

In 12th grade you're just about to enter what is literally a whole new world of possibilities for you. Once you finish high school you will see just what a different, wider world you will enter into.

You may not own a dog but there's no reason you cannot work at a vet or kennel/pet store. Pursue your interests/passions and you will be doing what you're good at. Just remember, no one is born with a mystical talent that lets them do something super-good without learning and practicing it. Talent is really nothing more than a natural facility for something...you still have to put some time and effort into it.

Talk to someone you trust about your feelings. Depression is not something that goes away by bottling it inside.