The Special Snowflake Slur

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Source please.


Well, I'm 44 and I find life to be a bit of a trial. Honestly, I expected inquisitiveness. Like, "oh how does that manifest itself?" That's how I would have responded. I never will get a handle on this TOM stuff.

I've lived more than half a century and no one has told me they are autistic or had Asperger's. I've never been in a conversation about it. It's just not an issue in daily life for most people... and when it is an issue it is usually with regards to young kids, and parents wanting the best for their children.

Yeah, it was an awkward moment. This happened a few years ago when i was first diagnosed. I was looking for support and acceptance - foolish move on my part. Only one of them is still a friend.

I think it's more ingrained in netspeak than anything else. I've always only seen it used online when someone is being attention seeking, trying to garner excessive amounts of sympathy for a problem or expecting special treatment. I even use the phrase in those circumstances myself when warranted.

Well if they don't know anything about this developmental disorder and they dont notice anything wrong with you then its logical they would assume you think your special.

We are not the victims here, make people understand your struggles and they won't resort to ignorance.

That's what I used to think. Turns out my friends weren't interested. Only my mother and my long-time boyfriend are interested in understanding why I behave the way I do.

I've never had that term thrown at me, but I've seen people use it as a derogeratory term for people they think are just trying to draw attention to themselves. I don't doubt that there are people out there who claim to be "autistic" just so that they can get attention, but I think they are fewer than people who actually are on the spectrum, who are simply being up-front about their condition.

I think it's normal for people on the spectrum to be up-front about things, but not so much for NTs. They're not used to it, so when they see someone being up-front about having some sort of a condition, one of the first things they probably assume is that the person on the other end is merely seeking attention.

Seeking attention is probably one of the last things most people on the spectrum want to do, though there are some exceptions. I'm strange in that I crave good conversation, but I don't actually like most of the other aspects of socialization. That's why I hang out a lot on internet forums, they give me an environment where I can converse with other people without the pressures of face-to-face socialization, like using body language or replying in a timely manner. For these reasons, I probably would consider myself to be more of an "attention-seeking" aspie. Compared to most people, I'm a huge introvert, but compared to the "aspie stereotype", I'm kind of an extrovert.

Another thing I should mention, a lot of people online feel that since it's "not real", and that they're safe behind their screen names, that the words they say don't have real world percussions. The opposite couldn't be truer. The Internet is possibly THE most public place on Earth, and the things a person says online can have a huge impact. People have lost their jobs over stupid things they have said online.

Totally agree with this. When people use "special snowflake" to mock or attack people it makes me think that they have an unpleasant and mistaken outlook. I lose respect for people who talk that way.

Aha, that's it! I didn't think of that. I will probably forget and someone will have to remind me of this again. lol

Yeah I really dislike drawing attention to myself. It's always confused me that simply being open and honest about something would draw attention. And then if people say you're doing it on purpose to get attention it's even more confusing because god, no, I'm actually horrified by it. Then if you get upset over being under such scrutiny they consider that more evidence that you're just seeking attention.

Only if you were a popular or well-liked person IRL. Otherwise, no, they probably wouldn't care any more about your diabetes than your autism. I have had an invisible physical disease - Crohn's - for 14 years. People are no more inquisitive about that than my mental issues.

You have to be a loud-mouthed extrovert who hogs conversations to get sympathy. I've known people who've gone on more about their cold in a 15-minute phone conversation to my mum than I have about Crohn's to them in 14 years. Which one is the more unpleasant, chronic ailment? Gee, I wonder.

I have also seen people accused of doing those things, when it does not seem like that is the case at all...I think some people are too quick to jump on anyone that's struggling or feels like they don't fit in and expresses that. I mean its like someone could say 'I've always felt different, got picked on a lot growing up and have various struggles other people don't seem to' and i would not be suprised if they got 'oh what you want an award for being a special snowflake', 'everyone feels unique', or 'quit trying so hard to be different.' or 'you're just seeking attention and want pity. Its like people aren't even allowed to wonder about such things without such accusations. Not saying you personally accuse people of that for no real reason....but just seems people are quick to make negative judgements before really thinking through what the person might really be after.

And thus terms like special snowflake get thrown around in a derogatory fashion at people with autism and probably other more 'invisible' disabilities where the person does not 'look' disabled or like they have a disorder.

People do tend to notice something is 'off' about me even if they don't know I am on the spectrum...though I cannot say I have really gone up to anyone in real life and told them about having aspergers. The only real way I see it coming up is if someone asks me why I have trouble with eye contact or something else that the aspergers effects then I'd maybe try and explain.

Also while I don't doubt I could explain my aspergers difficulties to some people and have them gain a better understanding...I doubt it is possible to make everyone entirely understand my struggles, and some people really do like to cling to ignorance even when presented with evidence that shows that it is ignorance. I am sure many of us here have been victims of ignorance, or rather nasty treatment from ignorant people...maybe you have not.

Either way why would someone want an award for being autistic?

Interestingly enough when one attacks someone for supposedly seeking 'attention' perhaps they should look in a mirror most humans seeks some kind of attention. So even if an aspie was 'seeking attention' a neurotypical attacking them for that is kind of ridiculous it's like 'oh you're such an attention seeker'...now i gotta go do my hair, make up and make sure I look nice go out and flirt with the guys.' uhh so seeking any attention is a shameful terrible behavior but yet its one of the staples of social interaction since if no one pays any attention to you there is no interaction.

But I mean even facebook can be summed up in a few short words 'pay attention to me'....and the vast majority of people especially neurotypical people use facebook.

But what if I'm actually a special snowflake?

I've went over this with therapists in terms of being unique and "special" and I've been interesting enough for them to give me free consultation hours after work, just because I was so interesting to converse with.

As for special treatment; meh... I don't feel I need special treatment, but I feel that the general treatment on how we deal with other people, especially in certain places (such as workplaces) could use major adjusting anyway. It might be more of a princple matter than me being special. Doesn't help if even psychologists who specialize in workplace things actually agree with that sentiment. So that in turn puts "special treatment" in perspective IMO

Some of the special snowflake crap is projection and hostility. The people accusing others of being special snowflakes want or have wanted to be special themselves, and they assume that other people are like them. Also, being "special" sometimes grants people social rewards that the special snowflake accusers are jealous of.

I also detect a bit of fear when faced with people who are different, and calling those people special snowflake is a way to shut them up so the accuser doesn't have to deal with the reality of human diversity.

Also, socializing is largely based on conformity. Telling people that one is different in some way can be seen as disruptive to the social situation.

Yeah I was going to mention the projection thing...I do find it interesting though because I always got made fun of because people thought I was 'weird' and 'different'. Then I have always had a hard time with stress so I am sure I might have scared people away a few times without meaning to due to meltdowns, but then some kids somehow figured I couldn't really control it so they'd start picking on me or sometimes had stuff thrown at me or they'd sutbley shove me when the teachers not looking so I'd push them back and they'd happen to see that and the other kid would deny doing anything. But yeah stuff like that till I'd get overwhelmed sort of freak out/meltdown and get in trouble from the teacher so they could all laugh at me.

So when ever I get the 'oh you think you are so special attitude or different grrr' its like, I am not the one who even decided that I started going to public school/socially interacting as a kid wanted friends and not to be 'left out' just like any other kid and they are the ones who told me I was 'weird' and then excluded and picked on me, that persisted throughout life till I was out of public school but certainly has done lasting damage. Not only is it hard to interact because of the aspergers difficulties, but I have a lot of anxiety about it to and always am worrying I've done something to annoy or piss people off or that people will get malicious because I seem weird so I avoid a lot of social situations, have missed concerts just because I was too anxious about that. I largely avoid places where I am more likely to run into 'normal' people or if I have to go somewhere that has them I dress weird or very metal with my patch vest and ripped jeans and such if people are a little freaked out by my appearance they'll leave me alone long enough to go in the store, get what I need and leave I like dressing how I dress but I admit sometimes part of it is makes them focus on that before anything else like that I am awkward and weird if I was dressed normally people would wonder 'what is wrong with that weirdo' if I look like some metalhead or someone who was too stoned to figure out a proper outfit then they think 'oh they're just that weird metalhead/stoner' somehow its ok if you can be catagorized as something else before just plain 'weird'. But luckily my area is not exactly full of these normal people which is nice.

So yeah its like really people you're jealous of this kind of existence? Or maybe some people feel ashamed they aren't 'normal' and dis-validate others out of fear to confront their own 'differences'....It is hard to say.