should I tell?

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I have a brother in law who obviously has Asperger's syndrome. My sister tells me about certain aspects of how my brother in law reacts to certain situations and she cannot understand it.

Neither of them are aware of their situation! I am amazed at that as there is so much info about Asperger's these days.

Do I tell them what I suspect or not? Would it make their lives easier if they knew?

thks for your help.

For a second I thought you meant he was practising law. An autistic lawyer, that would be something to see lol

Should you say something? Not unless you're prepared to deal with the fallout - that is, them not talking to you because they took it badly.

Should you be strategic if you do? YES! Maybe do it within a compliment, like "wow, you're REALLY good at that! Aspie superpower?"

Is there some reason why them "recognising" it would matter to them or you? Only you can answer that.

Just, please, don't go the "devious" or "under the radar" routes and administer your own little tests or experiments. That's a really detrimental way to go about trying to help a loved one, even if your intentions are 100% positive, it won't be received that way, not even "in the long run".

I would just plainly bring it up in a very straightforward manner. Personally, when people have something to say to me, whatever it is, I prefer it very much when they do it directly. You are not accusing him of any crime, so that's even more reason not to hold back.

I don't know about you, but I find it very hard to be dishonest about something like this.

You mentioned that your sister mentions things he does that seem like symptoms to you. Why not just mention that to her the next time she describes some behavior of his to you. You could show her whatever resources you accessed to form your own conclusion about this.

Just because it seems obvious to you that he has Aspergers, it isn't necessarily so: there are other conditions that may produce behavior that looks similar. The important thing, I would think, is how these traits are impacting their relationship. To the extent that understanding that the traits are there may be helpful in improving their relationship and perhaps making other areas of functioning in life a little easier for him, it might be useful for them to read up on these things, regardless of the applicability of the label.

I think you first have to prepare the ground and make sure they understand what you mean by Autism. Many people have a completely wrong impression. If you can first just drop into conversation what high function autism or Asperger's or Level one ASD is like for many people. Try to dispel some of the common myths like the idea that Autistics have no feelings for anyone except themselves and have no imagination of their own. Let them know that many people with Autism live reasonably happy, productive and successful lives and most are nice and compassionate people. I once believed those myths myself and was always insulted whenever anyone suggested I was "a little bit autistic." Which I frankly heard a number of times over the years. But once I understood what autism actually is and had dispelled those myths in my own mind - An old friend and former employer of mine came right out and said directly, "Doug, I think you are autistic in the Asperger's sense and I can't for the life of understand why I didn't see it before. It's pretty obvious." Fortunately, the ground had been prepared a and I understood what autism is and what autism is not. If he had said that before I understood and was still believing all the myths - I frankly would have been very upset. By the time he said that to me I was very grateful because I was ready to hear it and needed to hear it.

I don't think you should. Not unless they bring up the subject first - then you can share some of your thoughts. But remember, its only a supposition on your part. I would be more asking questions and perhaps talk about how to investigate it further, and not limiting it to your suspicion only.

Thks so much for all your replies, I only ask this as it is obvious my sister is puzzled by her husband's behaviour sometimes. I in no way want to hurt either of them and was just wondering if things would be better if my sister understood some of the things her husband does or doesn't do which she finds odd.

If that's truly the case, then perhaps the best way to go about it would be to inform her of what Autism/Aspergers/HFA is and make ZERO mention of her husband. That way she understands more about what they are, how they appear, and she can decide to either find out more or not, she can decide to think about a possible connection between her husband or not. Sometimes just giving people more information will lead them to make their own connections if they see a reason to do so.

It is really up to her to tell him.
If your sister knows about your autism you should tell her .
A lot depends on your relationship with your sister, how she views autism etc. If you have a poor relationship with her, autism is probably not the best topic to start improving that relationship.

What sort of behaviors are you seeing? It'd be easier to figure it out if you knew his quirks or special interests. Anyone can respond to situations differently, NT or AS..