I know this is self centered of me but read if you will

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I recently viewed a doctumentary that briefly interviewed a teen with Asperger's and it prompted me to research more on the subject. In the past, starting at about age 16, I developed an obsession with figuring out a diagnosis for myself because I knew something wasn't right. Something was different. I eventually ended up finding depression, anxiety, social anxiety, and ocd (loosely) related most to my symptoms but I felt like there was still more wrong with me that was unanswered. I could go into deep detail on how I match the criteria for AS but that would be too much. I'll try to keep it short.

When I ask about how I was as an infant I'm described as quiet, easy, smart, "could set me on a pile of dimes and wouldn't grab any of them", particular about clothing and food. When I ask about how I was as a toddler and child and how I remember it I was shy, hated eye contact (it felt extremely uncomfortable), was highly sensitive to trains, fluorescent lights, fireworks, food touching/mixing, textures, clothing (eventually only wore hoodies jeans and converse and the occasional basketball shorts) hygiene, volumes and other numbers I could control had to end in a 0 or 5, the list goes on. When in high school I was very particular about my clothing, hair, scent, hygiene, body hair. My interests were very specific and organized. I have an great ability to intensely focus on things. I would play guitar hero, Mario Bros on the NES, watch the same movies, listen to the same music as well as research all of these things for hours on the internet. I had an intense interest in Led Zeppelin, Steve Perry, Mario Bros, Steve Jobs, Quentin Tarantino, and Zodiac Signs. I would let those things distract me from a social life and school. I also would pick hairs out of my arm for hours til I was bald.

Now as an adult most of what I listed as a child still apply to me today along with lifelong social issues aside from 7th and 8th grade being my most social years but still pretty odd, detached, and rebellious. At ages 13 and 14 I attempted suicide and was hospitalized a couple months each time. I had also been through a few therapists and was put on the highest recommended dosage of Lexapro for 6 years. I flunked a lot of classes grades 7-11. My senior year I attended charter school and graduated with a 4.0. Now I am 20 and have had too much anxiety, not enough motivation or drive, or much support to attend college and have had difficulty getting a job. I had a few temp jobs through family hook ups and eventually became employed by my father who owns a IT company. I moved in with him and felt as if things were going fine but things turned sour because I had an "I don't give a f**k attitude", never socialized, ect so I moved out and quit. After 3 months of bad interviews I finally got a job at a fast food restaurant. Things seemed good again but my manager and fellow employees started saying I seemed sad, upset, as if something was wrong, quiet, asked why I never talked, asked why I never say hi, ect and my hours were getting cut so I left and am currently back at my dads where I see a future their as an Operations Manager. I have been able to bring myself to express my concern about AS to them and they agree I should seek a professional opinion and are calling a center this coming Monday. I guess I just wanted an opinion first. And should I mention all this when I go their? What should I expect? Are there any symptoms I failed to go over?

Update: there are a couple things I forgot to add. I unfortunately do occasionally go into fits if something goes wrong, something gets lost, someone is late, I can't find the right thing to wear, someone asks me to many questions. It's difficult too control.

Thanks for taking the time to read all this if you made it this far. I would appreciate any feedback and apologize for any errors.

Take out the zodiac signs, Steve Jobs, replace Led Zepplin for System of a Down, and you've got a replica of my life Welcome aboard!

First things first, no, it is NOT self-centered of you to want to know who you really are, and why you've always felt different. Don't get that kind of mentality in your head, it's your right as a member of society to know that.

Now as for the doctor's appointment, here's what I would do: tell him you think you have Autism, possibly Asperger's, and if he asks why, tell him you've done some research into it and feel like it fits you quite well. At this point he may probably ask for examples, in which case you can provide them. If not though, don't worry about it, but either way he will either forward you to someone else to get a diagnosis (keep in mind not all doctors can diagnose it, just like how a brain surgeon can't give you a hip replacement) or he will administer the test himself. Then go from there.

If the test comes back as negative, to be perfectly honest with you, I'd get a second opinion. Your story is eerily similar to a vast number of members on here who found out they were on the spectrum later in life.

Best of luck, and feel free to ask us for more help if you need it!

Yes, ThirdEyeD-, that was self-centered. And it was great. I think your self-diagnosis is a good one too. Do share it with any professional you see. And please believe there is a niche in the world where you can be happy. You have to look for it and even carve some though. I didn't have the benefit of a diagnosis or any help - and life was hellish for decades - but now I'm glad to be here and glad to be who I am. I'm just a sample size of 1, but I don't know any aspies IRL (wish i did), so 1 is all I got. I think you have a great advantage just being aware of AS"D" and being willing to see a pro. I envy you that, I really do. I recommend job-hopping for the young. It's great to have a nice car, aparment, etc, but it can trap you in a job you hate, while a job you could love is right down the street.

edit: I agree with Shep too - get a 2nd opinion if your pro seems off the mark. Also, i think i would have liked being a truck driver at 20 - 30. Hell, I'd do it now. Riding down highways, seeing the sights, above it all, all alone or even with a dog or a cat, fresh air, good-enough money, low expenses, ...

It's funny since I was a child a truck driver sounded like a perfect career

I have a cousin who drives. My mom managed and dispatched for years. It's hard to fake the logs (some have GPS or other gadgetry to track break periods etc?) now so less of a yo-yo lifestyle for most drivers, I think. I'll have to ask around. Google "YMOYL" too - a financial education I wish I'd read at 20. Now updated for 21st century, they say.

What is something that someone can say "if you....then you DEFINITELY have Asperger's"

I'm hitting a wall.

I reached out and expressed that I believe I have this and I'm getting weird responses. My step mother is being weird. I don't know how to describe it but it feels sarcastic? My dad just seems blind to it all. In fact, in conversation with my father he would repeatedly say things a long the lines of "Well sure you (insert AS symptom) but that doesn't mean!" and I felt so frustrated.

Before my step mother said she would make an appointment for me but after feeling like she took it as a joke I texted her telling her never mind and she replied are you sure? and I didn't reply and that's the end of it.

I think my biggest drive behind wanting a diagnosis from a professional is getting people around me to understand me. I think everyone around me thinks I am cold, mean, uninterested, irritable, and all these other bad traits when I don't know how to tell them that I can't help it and if certain situations could just change a little bit or people would slow down and take it easy, let me come to them type of thing, life would just be better and my relationships with my immediate family wouldn't have such a strain.

Probably for any trait you could use as sort-of "proof", there is an aspie who doesn't have that trait. A pro will likely look for a constellation of traits. Have you taken the online tests? There is a sticky topic in the forum with links to them. I hesitate to say it, but you'll have better success trying to adapt to the NT world than trying to get NTs (even family) to adapt to you. Just my opinion, i think many ppl reject HFA as a phenomena and suspect you are trying to be seen as "special" or making excuses for being <insert-insulting-label-here>. Now, your parents probably care for you a great deal and also don't want you putting artificial limits on yourself. That is a real danger for some. But some of our limits are not self-imposed and I think a pro can help your parents accept that. Trying to do the NT dance tires me out, but at work I have to try. And I'm a good actor for short bursts. I'm lucky my job doesn't have me in a group setting all that much. But I still need long stretches alone to recharge enough that I can tolerate the charade. Would I rather not do NT rituals at all? You betcha. But I accept it for some tradeoffs. Many NTs will find an aspie quirky and entertaining. You may find yourself getting befriended by some nice people. But soon you find yourself trying to escape them because it's too much, too long, or too often. NTs get their feelings hurt. Getting an NT to understand (and accept) your tolerance and/or style is a good thing to aim for early on - before they misunderstand. I hope you get to see a good pro and he/she can help you and your parents. Especially if you have "executive function" difficulties. But if no pro helps, you still have a great advantage (knowledge) and with some effort you can improve your situation over time.

I have taken a handful of seemingly legitimate tests and they all come out positive..but you can't tell someone "I've done extensive research and taken multiple tests online" because they translate that as a Google diagnosis and everyone says "don't do that!! !" *eyeroll*

I'm high functioning enough that I'm not going to get fired but I also feel stuck. Trapped in my head, as if their is a barrier between my thoughts and ideas and the way I'm able to communicate and express through social interaction. One daily obstacle is answering phones. It's a main part of my job description and happens about 6-15 times a day but it's always a disaster and has never gotten easier like everyone says. Basically I pick up the phone and make sure I say the greeting I'm supposed to say and the whole time my eyes are wide and focused on an object and I'm pushing myself back and forth in my chair trying hard to focus on the conversation always accidentally interrupting them or not knowing when to reply and getting off the phone is always the most dreadful I NEVER know how to properly end the phone call. Tips would be helpful.

If you do go get tested, you don't need to know what to do. Just be yourself. If you've got it, you've got it. They'll pick it up.

When I got diagnosed, I wasn't even there for Asperger's. I'd heard of it but never knew what it was. I was there for depression and suicide and they picked up AS in me.

Now I know what it is, I can see why they diagnosed me with it (twice)!

It definitely sounds like you meet the criteria for being an aspie, especially with how you described your obsessions and sensory issues. I would definitely recommend getting an assessment, so that you can have it on record in case you need to apply for things like disability funding, schooling/workplace accomodations, etc.

Just a quick FYI, it's not officially called "Asperger Syndrome" anymore. The DSM V merged it with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

@ThirdEyeDeaf, tips for taking phone calls, ... yeah I don't have any, except let people finish what they start. And do the hello and goodbye rituals. When they ask "how are you?" they don't actually want a real answer, but they're going to ask some version of that and they want you to reciprocate. NT communication is very inefficient for the stated, implied, ostenstible purpose. But that's hardly ever the whole of an NT's purpose.