What do you mean when you say AS is part of who you are?

Post Reply New Topic

It has been a popular line of thinking among Aspies that it's not worthwhile changing anything in your personality because Asperger Syndrom is a significant part of what you are. I would like to know what you mean by that. Is it your beliefs? Your behavior and habits? Your childhood memories? If it's behavior, then I don't see why many Aspies don't want to at least try acting in accordance with the generally accepted social norms if doing so means winning the society's acceptance, which, in turn, means better life. This is the way the world works: the majority makes the rules and everyone is measured against those rules, no matter whether the rules themselves make sense or not. There are exceptions where following the rules can be compromised: it can be due to a religious belief; or, it can be because not following them makes you happier and more fulfilled. But in most cases the reward the society offers for complying to its rules is just too tempting to forego.

And if it's your viewpoints or your childhood experiences that makes Asperger's part of who you are, then I need some explanation why you think so. Why do you think a remedy from Asperger's (if it ever becomes available) would kill your current self and make you someone else? Do you think your basic core character traits will disappear simply because your brain becomes enhanced with ability to read social cues? I don't see why.

For the record, I suspect having something like Asperger's but I don't want to be diagnosed because that would put a permanent clinical label on me, which I intend to avoid at all costs. Instead, I firmly believe in my capability of learning the society's rules and abiding to them, even if those rules are contrary to my "natural" inclination.

AS is a fundamental part of me, just as my green eyes are, I was born with both and they are permanent features in the wider mix of who I am.

I would say I am Kraftie, more than I am Mr. Aspie. However, I feel no shame in being on the Spectrum. In fact, at times, I feel a bit of pride.

I live in Queens Village. Where do you live, New Yorker?

I am defined by my compassionate heart, my spirit/higher self.

In this life, my autism affects how I experience the world. I see autism as neutral, presenting both significant challenges and tremendous gifts. These gifts fill my life with joy, and provide me with a way to give back and care for others. Regardless of the pain and struggles, I feel blessed and lucky.

Autism impacts how I perceive the world, so it is part of my experience of the world.

I guess I think about it a lot like I think about being a dad. It's something that touches just about every aspect of my life. It colors my perceptions of everything around me. I shapes my priorities, my values, and my entire worldview. Without it, I would be a completely different person than who I am today. It is woven into the very core of who I am. And yet, it does not define me. There are an infinite number of ways that I can be a dad, just as there are an infinite number of ways that I can be autistic.

Thanks to all for your answers; they're very informative. Let me clarify my position, though, because apparently you misunderstood me a little. When I say that I value social acceptance as a reward for the "right" behavior, and better life that supposedly comes with that acceptance, I refer to two areas of life that are probably most important (for the majority of people, at least, not sure about all Aspies): a successful career and a happy love/marriage. Both of these areas present a certain degree of challenges for people on the spectrum, especially for men (at least with regard to love/marriage). In my case, it took me years to land a respectful and, hopefully, stable position at the regional transportation agency; a position that is in sync with my special interest. I perceive this turn of events as a special Divine intervention. On the love/marriage front, however, I'm still waiting for such an intervention while I'm already in my mid-thirties. My interest in transportation, combined with aforementioned difficulties, is what makes me suspect AS in myself. However, I understand that making it official could jeopardize my chances of finding a right person and getting happily married. And this is something I'm not willing to compromise on - both for religious reasons ("It's not good for a man to be alone") and for personal natural longing for sexual and romantic life. While I don't think my current supervision really cares about this, I intend to keep moving up the career ladder (within the agency or beyond), which requires good social skills. Social skills are also important to initiate and maintain relationship with the opposite gender. So, that's why I associate social acceptance with better life.

I'm sure my way of thinking in many ways differs from that of most other people, but then everyone has his or her own way of looking at things, so this might not necessarily related to Asperger's. And if you are smart enough to acknowledge that your way of thinking could be misunderstood by others, just learn to keep it to yourself. Unless, of course, people are welcoming your unique input. Additionally, hypothetically speaking, if some "cure" was affect your way of looking at things, perhaps there's nothing wrong in experiencing new ways of thinking. If it helps you achieve your goals, perhaps it wouldn't be all bad.

As for AS being as much part of who you are as your green eyes, do you think there's anything wrong in changing some of your inform features if those features impede your success? If some congenital things cause you physical discomfort, you would likely go to a doctor to fix it. So why not do something similar with those symptom of AS that keep pigeonholing you? If there's any psychological (or, if necessary, maybe even psychiatric) way of dealing with this, why not trying it out? This won't diminish those your positive attributes that possibly result from AS as well.

To Kraftiefortie's question, I live in Midtown Manhattan.

Like you, New Yorker, I don't believe Spectrum status equates with inherent inferiority.

Why do I think you live in Hell's Kitchen? LOL

I'm interested in reading old subway maps.

I'm 54 years old, and I remember the old black trains with the quilt seats--maybe the R-7? They also had very large fans. There was little working air-conditioning on trains until the early 1980s. Some of those trains had "straps" where you "hung" your arm so you don't lose your balance--hence, "straphanger."

I also remember the EE train running local in Queens, with the GG. The E and F ran express, as it does now. Now, it's the M and the R which runs local where the EE and GG used to run.

The RR used to run where the N runs now.

In the 1960s, we had the QJ and the QB, both of which run where the J runs now.

If somebody asks me directions and I have to direct them to a "numbered" train, I still call it the IRT, even though it's now an outmoded name. The lower letter trains were the IND, and the upper letter trains were the BMT.

I am hypersensitive to sound (as well as having green eyes!). This has both advantages (music) and disadvantages (noise is magnified and things like leaf blowers or a door suddenly slamming when caught by the wind) can be extremely unpleasant, splitting my concentration and actually upsetting me physically. I can see what you mean by going to a doctor to delete out the downside, as it were, though obviously that would be counterproductive.. sometimes I have to wear headphones to cancel noise, sometimes remove myself from particular environments or not go there in the first place. Like anyone else, I have to adapt myself with my own peculiarities to the environments in which I live. And I do.

I feel its a part of who I am as its a neurological condition I was born with and has effect on how I experience the world, so not really something I can separate myself from. I don't feel that means I should never change anything about myself...there are things I end up unhappy with myself about that I try and change, not that I always succeed but I don't try to change that I have aspergers as that is not going away. Also as a kid I did try to fit in, and was still perceived as 'weird' so still got ostracized and bullied and over years of that I got to thinking I didn't really want to be friends with people who would treat someone like that, which later developed into I don't really want to fit into such a profoundly sick society if it allows for that kind of treatment of its more vulnerable members. I mean as of now even if I could choose to fit into society and gain all the 'perks' that comes with I probably wouldn't do it....I would not mind being more functional so I wouldn't have to depend on SSI, food stamps and such things but still would not strive to fit in with this society, not to mention popular culture/media is something I tend to dislike as well. But I am in therapy doing what I can for mental issues....

I think more changes need to be made to society...guess I am more inclined to do things in that direction, than change myself to fit in with it. Admittedly I don't really know what to do in that area as of now I try to spread some awareness of issues going on including local issues, have signed petitions...like the one that helped make marijuana legal in the state but yeah not sure how to be more active with 'changing society'.

It's part of me like my blue yes are and brown hair and 34D boobs and average build body.

If I'm an NT to begin with, I won't be the same as I'm now. In past, present, or future. I might never even posted on this site. I won't be me, if I'm not in the spectrum.
Generally, simply being on the spectrum could bypass certain things where most NTs couldn't. (Their perception of success and milestones, their limitations of their respective social norms, their easily deceived judgement on face values on their respective cultures)
As much as NTs simply see things not the same way as the ones on the spectrum. (The privilege of belonging without conscious effort, no burden over oddity, no burden on senses)
But told to be truth, being an NT isn't always a perk.
Some are simply luckier just being born with extra privileges (born rich, 'race privilege', talented), some of them are worse off than anyone else (born poor, lower social standing, or something more tragic...), sometimes, they get the different incentives; regardless the neurology.
And many have tried to fit within the world, in their respective majority standards. Being in the spectrum only made it more or less of a challenge.
An NT with less attractive features are on a challenge too. More or less than those who are on AS, regardless labeled, with attractive features. Who knows who could judge which is easier?

Sometimes some NTs thought being in the spectrum had more freedom than cursed or burdened. While ones on the spectrum being NT means privilege and lesser effort of belonging.
Just because it's the world's minority, nothing's wrong being in the spectrum.

In the end of the day, everyone is a human. And I'm who I'm, and being an aspie is not a just a mere label, but both a gift and a curse that I'm born with.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

We are what we are. Self-acceptance and embracing the truth of oneself can open doors to a far better quality of life.

10 Keys to Happier Living

Giving – Do things for others.
Relating – Connect with people.
Exercising – Take care of your body.
Appreciating – Notice the world around.
Trying Out – Keep learning new things.
Direction – Have goals to look forward to.
Resilience – Find ways to bounce back.
Emotion – Take a positive approach.
Acceptance – Be comfortable with who you are.
Meaning – Be part of something bigger.

and believe in your own right to be happy.

Asperger's is what makes me unique in a quirky way.

It's part of my personality...and even though it has many downsides, I cannot escape it and I cannot even pretend to be normal because that would entail some degree of understanding about what it means to be normal.

For me, being normal is having Asperger's Disorder.

Ergo, having AS is part of who I am.