Why don't you like to talk?

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I like this.

I need to remind myself of this everyday.

I often don't have anything to say, confuse people, say the wrong thing, don't hear what was said, am distracted by other noises, am distracted by one thing that was said and am thinking about it instead of listening, if its a group discussion I am content to listen.

Sometimes I really want to say something, but by the time I put it into words, the conversation has moved on, or someone else says it instead. When I'm upset, I can say some standard polite responses, but cannot communicate anything deeper. When I'm angry its best that I don't talk at all.
Being quiet has better consequences for me.

I'm an atypical aspie in that I like taking to people but the words don't always come out right, so for the most part I am better off following ben franklin's old dictum, "'tis better to keep silent and as a fool be thought, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."

This is pretty much me exactly. I love talking (read, "lecturing") about my special interests, or about topics that I have a vested interest in, such as politics and the like, but other than that, I find talking to be a tedious and laborious exercise. I always feel obligated to reply to something someone's said, even if it doesn't necessarily need one, and I find that tiring and annoying. I'm seriously toying with just not saying as much to people, acknowledging their pointless "no-response-required" comments less.

I hate talking. I love being in my fantasy world. I would stay in there forever if I could. I spend ages there just thinking about my special interest. It's so quiet, pieceful and relaxing.

I cannot stand being interrupted while 'away'. I usually snap at people for pulling me out.

I HATE talking on the phone. Will put off any phone conversation I need (such as making an appointment) for as long as I can.

I am most comfortable communicating via textual means (text messages, emails, forums, etc.)

After peer abuse it took me four years to really talk to people again, I was afraid of being attacked. I am ok but some days I prefer minimal interaction from people. Though sometimes I find that even if I do talk people tend to misunderstand how I feel about something. Talking on a forum or online I am quite fine with.

I don't like talking because...
1. After I talk (with family), there's always an awkward silence. (like when somebody Then somebody does the "so as I was saying" thing. Or somebody talks over me.
2. NTs seem to want to talk to friendly, bubbly, pretty women who smile a lot. I'm not ugly, but I still feel ugly, and feel even uglier when I smile.
3. I feel that compared to other women my age, I'm pretty boring.
4. Small talk=so silly and pointless

I often find that talking for more than a few minutes at a time is a physical strain and when i talk I feel like I have to expend a lot of mental energy to talk and I often instinctively feel that I am being interrogated for possible ties to terrorism even if someone just wants to make small talk with me. I also have a mind that regularly drifts off into other worlds when I it is not preoccupied with important matters at hand. And when my mind is drifting, being called on the phone or asked to talk about something feels, in my brain so to speak, like having a SWAT team bang down my doors and search my room while I am trying to sleep.

Is this the case for other Aspies/Autistics here? I am still in the process of trying to discover what I have and so I was wondering if this is common for others here.

Incessant chatter seems to be something of a 'Western' symptom (no offence meant - observation and not a criticism).

Some cultures praise silence.


If you keep your mouth shut, no-one can swing you around by the tongue - add this quote to your arsenal, and use it when someone asks why you aren't saying much

I don't like to talk for exactly the same reasons you gave. It's stressful, irritating, and a feeling of dread overwhelms me from the start. I can communicate fine via computer, because the distance and anonymity are comforting and I can take time to figure out what I want to say and how I want to say it. But as soon as someone else wants to have a direct conversation with me, I'm out of my element. When I do manage to get the words out I am frequently ignored, contradicted, or interrupted, and I can't stand that. Why do people bother talking to us if they're not going to pay attention to anything we say?

I agree with sonicallysensitive's quote about the benefits of silence--and another good one is, " 'Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

I have a tendency to piss people off with my views and opinions. Most people, when the do get where I'm coming from, will then twist my words around, getting other people even more pissed off at me. I just get tired of people getting their jollies doing this.

When I was a child my father thought it was clever to put little children down and demolish them with sarcasm. It made me seize up with fear whenever an older person asked me a question. My mother is not as intelligent as I am and belligerently contradicted everything I said, trying to put me in my place. I became secretive and kept my words to myself.

When my children were teenagers one said I was terminally self-centred so now I am careful never to say anything about myself. Another said she felt manipulated when I spoke my mind so I am careful never to say anything that can be manipulative. A third, when I say almost anything at all starts shrieking "we're not going there, we're not going to talk about that" so I am careful to say nothing at all. All my children cut me off with silence for months at a time if I say anything about them personally or try to give advice. People in my family probably think I am a deaf mute.

I guess I just never developed the skills to have a proper conversation. I can talk to people who are good listeners and they find me fascinating but I can only do it once. The second time I start thinking "am I being self-centred, am I boasting, am I .....? Sad really. I would love to be an easy conversationalist.

And then there's always the danger, which increases with the length of the "conversation", that you will ask an inappropriate question or just say the wrong thing.

If I have a lot of coffee and I concentrate every ounce of energy on it, I can pull off the smalltalk necessary for a job interview. But that sort of focus is impossible to recreate all of the time.

That's how I got my current job. Two years in, I'm sure my boss is wondering where that person went.

I can't see any point in acquiring the skill of smalltalk. It would just mean spending more of your time engaged in an activity that you find boring and pointless. At work now the main topic is the SuperBowl. I can't think of anything more mind numbing than talking about the possible outcome of a sports match.

I just have a hard time coming up with responses to things people tell me.. like if someone tells me something funny that happened to them, I have no idea how to respond and just laugh and say something roundabout like "oh my gosh that's crazy" etc and the conversation ends there. I also am practically unable to talk about myself. I know the "rules" of social interaction, I know WHEN it is appropriate or expected to talk about yourself (e.g. after conversation partner tells funny story, it is expected for you to tell a funny story or experience somehow related to what your conversation partner just told you about). I really just can't though, I HATE talking about myself D: I just get so anxious that the other person "doesn't care anyway" and freak out because I don't want to bore them. I get on well with super talkative people because I just let them come up with all the conversation topics and do most of the talking and I just laugh and comment on what they say.

I wouldn't say I don't like talking per se. I probably like talking. However, I often don't know what to say, feel very awkward and end up saying something weird. Many people get put off. For some I'm a laughing stock and others simply show raw hostility. Most interactions with people end up that way. So I actually avoid getting to know people and naturally avoid talking with them. I even avoid greeting people. Once you are on greeting terms with someone, you may have to actually talk with them eventually.

Social interactions are exhausting. On the Internet, I find it easier to converse with people because all of physical aspects of social interaction are not needed, I don't have to change my voice tone, smile or make eye contact - I just type what I have to say, and that's all.. The Internet is a great medium, where you can find a place where individuals have the same interests as you.. And you can endlessly talk about your special interest, so not much effort is required for the most part.

I do admit, that there are times where communication via electronic devices, become a bit of a chore.. The problem with the Internet, and instant message apps such as WhatsApp etc, is that the social interaction seems to never end.. And you are expected continously interact with people, and engage in small talk for hours on end, which can be a pain in the arse... It almost becomes just as tiresome, as it is in real life.

Secondly, I cannot comprehend the concept of small talk. I find it to be a great hindrance to communication, why can't we ever get straight to the point and talk about what we came here to do? For instance, when I am at school and I am required to work within a group, my peers will often start conversations about what they did over the weekend, and it ALWAYS escalates into a conversation about their sex lives and their escapades at a party that involved the consumption of drugs and alcohol, or its brainless, empty chit chat about some gossip that is completely unrelated to the task that has been set by the teacher... These people will waste 30 minutes engaging in small talk and it is absolutely frustrating for me, because I want to get the damn work done - This is partly the reason why I prefer to work on my own and avoid any interaction, if possible.

Also I forgot to add, that I don't really talk much because I don't know how to respond to them. There was a time when a girl was going on about how her boyfriend had done something sweet for her, and I didn't know how to respond. All I could think of was the generic "aww that's so sweet", I couldn't think of anything else to say about it. There are also instances where someone will share a funny anecdote and I will "freeze" and just awkwardly force myself to laugh because I don't know how to respond as well..