Somebody help please!! !! !

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OK so for about two weeks now I've been obsessing about whether I have aspergers or not. I have a cousin who does and his mom, my aunt doesn't believe I do. I also see symptoms in my 4 year old and 9 year old, but it's too overwhelming to think of going to the psychiatrist for all three of us!! Geez. Also I will say I was addicted to pain pills and anxiety pills for roughly 9 years, I've been clean 2 years and all my issues are back...but it feels worse..maybe BC of the ocd aspect. Also, I had a somewhat traumatic child hood BC my mother was an addict, possibly bipolar, and neglectful. Ok so here's what's going on with me:

Definite ocd. I have intrusive thoughts, I'm a clean freak, can't leave house unless everything is in it's place. When I like a song it will play over and over in my head. I've been googling aspergers, ADHD, ocd, SPD obsessively. I go back and forth with what I think.

SPD: I can remember having sensory issues my whole life. I hate chalky things, hate being barefoot on a unfinished floor. Plates rubbing together. Certain tones of voice, especially if I'm tired. I will rub my hands together if I'm excited. And I rub my hands together and kind of make a shivering face sometimes when I use the bathroom (wonder if it's a coping mechanism from when I was a kid, knew I had to do in private? Maybe? I don't freaking know)
I startle very easily, and I prefer comfortable clothes. Still will dress cute, but can't stand anything overly tight.

Social Anxiety: I love people, never had problems making friends. Just keeping them because I get overwhelmed with a lot of social events. I can enjoy small talk and gossip but do get uncomfortable when it's time to get off phone, or when there is breaks of silence. I get a little uncomfortable with eye contact, and am very insecure about how I'm talking, what I have talked about etc. I will beat myself up after socializing if I feel like I embarrassed myself etc. I can get overwhelmed by in really loud or chaotic situations and feel confused etc. Get very nervous when I have guests. Want my house to be perfectly clean or feel insecure. Can't share or speak in front of a group of people, anxiety gets so bad, it feels like an out of body experience.

Hyperactivity: I feel that I'm shy BC of my anxiety but friends and loved ones disagree. I'm hyper and can be fun to be around. When I was a kid I could
Be overly hyper and in people's personal space. Now when I get excited I may dance or sing or play silly games with my kids.

School years: Could read college level in 5th grade, husband it amazed how I can spell most words. Used to love to write, pretty good at it. Interested in biology, psychology, paleontology (as a kid) Did ok in school but teachers always said I had more potential. I was accused of staring more than most, I was just zoned out. Never did to well in math.

What is worst: The ocd, obsessing, the anxiety, feeling overwhelmed by a task on the calendar (no big deal once I do it) The feelings of insecurity when I have someone over and the way I beat myself up after conversations about what I did wrong.

If you read all of this thank you, I feel better getting it out. Please help me figure out what's wrong with me so I can be a better mom and person. Oh yeah I'm definitely affectionate and have no problems with I love yous. But please someone give me some insight BC I'm appending way too much time worrying myself sick. Please!! !! !! !

Sorry about my spelling mistakes, didn't proof read before I submitted and was typing as fast as I could.

You seem to have a considerable amount of insight. It is often said that insight is the "first step."

To me, what matters is that you take care of your kids well.

Where are you located, and how set are you financially? If in the US, I would get the kids assessed first, then assess yourself later when you're more financially set. It's far easier for kids to be assessed and treated for things like Asperger's than adults.

My impression, based on what you wrote, is that your most pressing issue is the OCD.

Thank you, I know I need to. I guess I'm just scared. Thanks for your reply.

You seem like a sensible person who wants to get better. That, in and of itself, is important.

Your screen name says it all LOL

Sometimes, I need to "just chill," too!

Do you have any particular "special interest?"

I do believe in indulging one's self, in addition to fulfilling one's responsibilities.

From what I said do you think I have aspergers? Or could this all be the ocd? I was an annoying kid but I went through a phase before the drug use that I did really well and felt all around pretty good and "normal". I'm tired of being stuck in my head all day worrying and I feel like I'm wasting my life, then again I identify with a lot of characteristics that some aspie women write about, just don't know.

And as far as special interests I don't do crap for myself, can't find time with a 10 month old, 4 year old and 9 year old. I'm always stuck in the house and it can be an ordeal to do day to day things. This may be part of the problem. Thanks in advance.

Read this book. It should help you figure it out for yourself a little clearer & also be a good guide to use when discussing it with a psychiatrist if you go down that path.

http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Guide-As ... ny+attwood

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

If you really want to know, you should get assessed.

I see someone who has OCD traits and feels overwhelmed by taking care of the kids. I see some Aspergian features...but I don't think they dominate, based on what you wrote.

If you feel like you need a friend, you could send me a private message.

It's unclear what disorders you might have or whether you are having a hard time coping without having any disorders, which happens to a lot of people and probably most people during some periods of their lives.
It is best to avoid self-diagnosing with any mental disorder.
It is best to see a professional to talk about issues like feeling overwhelmed/anxious/insecure, obsessing over things, etc.