Anyone get overwhelmed and lost in a conversation?

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bearded1
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06 Feb 2015, 9:38 am

When I am in a conversation I tend to get lost quickly. If there are questions I get a huge amount of anxiety when it is going on. The questions are coming at me so fast and I get overwhelmed. The other day in a job interview I did horrible when I didn't know some questions. I actually felt bad about myself. Even in it I kind of went into a defensive mood which was totally not good. When I am talking to my wife I misinterpret 90% of what she says and get defensive. Currently I email my thoughts and that seems to work well. Anyone else suffer from this and what do you do to help?



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06 Feb 2015, 9:52 am

It happens to me at times and one trick I try to use when being asked questions is to "pin" a word or two of the question into my mind if it's still to be answered this way I don't get too lost or anxious. It helps me and as time goes on I've noticed I remain calmer during conversations.

As for misinterpretation well it happens to me too and to get round it I ask the speaker to expand on what they are saying providing me more time to think about my answer.

On one occasion I was accused of being arrogant because I asked the person to expand but I talked my way round it by saying I wanted to give him a more informed answer than I would have previously.



bearded1
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06 Feb 2015, 10:04 am

That is a good point I have never thought really of pinning a word or two in the conversation. I have felt that slowing the conversation down would help tremendously.

Sometimes I have used the trick of asking my wife to expound on the point or question. However she gets really frustrated with me. But I keep trying.



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06 Feb 2015, 10:35 am

I think you have to do what helps you best this method worked for me and I'm sticking with it.

Basically what happens in my mind goes something like this..... s/he is asking me if I take sugar in my tea. So I pin the word sugar in my mind and then because it's stuck there I can answer and tell them I dislike all sweet drinks.

At the same time I'm remembering another pinned word and working on my answer.

So because my answer is more than a simple "no" I gain more time to think about the next question and at the same time it looks like I'm providing a more insightful answer.

You might want to practice this technique at a pace more suitable to you. It has the advantage of slowing down the conversation and enables you to keep up.



bearded1
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06 Feb 2015, 10:38 am

Oh wow I like that. I will try that and set a pace that works for me.



bearded1
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06 Feb 2015, 10:39 am

I really like that advice.



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06 Feb 2015, 10:41 am

if it helps use it and in the process you can refine it to suit yourself. Let me know how you get on with it.



BlueYellowBrownGreen
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06 Feb 2015, 10:43 am

It depends who I am talking to; not so much overwhelmed, but sometimes you just don't click with someone. When you click, talking is easy. Also self-acceptance helps (takes time), so you are not so self-conscious about how you appear to others (or if they are thinking you are weird). That's my take on it but others have told me to 'get to the point'. I usually talk through movies too but I am working on it-it really bugs people.



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06 Feb 2015, 10:49 am

I stopped caring years ago about people thinking I was weird; I do however make an effort to get along with most people and the odd few i cannot get along with I simply ignore, my sister is one of those people.

It's been more than twenty years since she and I last spoke and another twenty can pass for all I care.



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06 Feb 2015, 10:52 am

BlueYellowBrownGreen wrote:
It depends who I am talking to; not so much overwhelmed, but sometimes you just don't click with someone. When you click, talking is easy. Also self-acceptance helps (takes time), so you are not so self-conscious about how you appear to others (or if they are thinking you are weird). That's my take on it but others have told me to 'get to the point'. I usually talk through movies too but I am working on it-it really bugs people.



Be yourself and don't let anyone try to change you or determine how you ought to live either. It's your life and only you can live it, if others cannot accept you as you are it's their loss.



dianthus
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07 Feb 2015, 3:28 pm

I get overwhelmed when people ask me a lot of questions. If it is something I am not prepared for my mind just goes totally blank and I can't think of anything to say. Sometimes it's almost like I have no concept of what the other person is talking about.

It's really tough with something like a job interview. The best advice I can give on that is to prepare yourself ahead of time as much as possible. Do some reading on job interview questions in general, but also research the specific the company you have an interview with. Check out websites like Glassdoor and Indeed where people post employee review. There are sections where people write about the interview process they went through so others will know what to expect. Try to find out what kinds of questions will be asked and think about how you want to answer. I find if I can write things out ahead of time, it is easier to put things into words when I speak.



ScottieKarate
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07 Feb 2015, 8:44 pm

The job interview thing is a tough one because one of the key things an employer is looking for is how well you keep your head if you don't know the answer to something. I would practice some stock replies when you find you don't know the answer. Something along the lines of "I don't know the answer to that, but I never hesitate to ask questions, and I'm really good at finding the right answer quickly." That kind of thing.



ToughDiamond
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07 Feb 2015, 8:59 pm

I can still have a lot of difficulty with conversation, yes.

I don't worry if people ask me questions, as long as they keep quiet long enough for me to answer. I enjoy trying to answer questions (which is what we do in WP most of the time).

With me, it's the sharing I have trouble with. The constant input from others distracts me from completing my own chains of thoughts, which makes me feel like I'm failing to keep a coherent grasp on the subject matter. It's crazy of course, I should realise that a shared conversation is shared, that the other person is supposed to be equally responsible for guiding the subject matter, but somehow I always get a slightly panicky feeling when my thought chain isn't allowed to run to completion, as if I've just got to get it all out. It explains why it's been hard for me to avoid talking past the point and going into lecture mode. If it's just one other person, I stand some chance of approximating to an equal dialogue if I try hard enough, but in a group, the subject matter can change much too quickly for me to keep up.



SIDWULF
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08 Feb 2015, 4:42 am

Quote:
Currently I email my thoughts and that seems to work well.


lol



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18 Feb 2015, 5:24 pm

SIDWULF wrote:
Quote:
Currently I email my thoughts and that seems to work well.


lol



If it helps clear your head then use it by all means, use what works for you.



kenya2k1
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18 Feb 2015, 5:45 pm

I get lost constantly. And when someone asks me a question i can't speak. Then the anxiety starts and i get way to over whelmed and every one notices. And as a result my mutism comes into play and i don't talk for days.
I have tried to write things down when in meetings at work so i dont get to lost. For me its a work in progress i guess. But i thinki will try the one word thing ewhen questions are asked or ask to elaborate. .i really like that advice. :wink: