I've heard the poor fine motor skills thing before too. It seems accurate enough for my son, less so for me.
My fine motor skills were assessed several years ago in a battery of tests and they were "low average". However, I have very neat handwriting, can draw well (only things I can see), and play clarinet and violin.
Being able to draw real life very well is another stereotype...which conflicts with poor motor skills.
It sounds to me like you want to play drums and want to know if it's worth it. I vote yes.
While I admit, that I tried to play in a handbell choir and had to quit due to sensory overstimulation, learning to play an instrument is well worth the effort! I think it depends on your motivation. If it's to learn to play drums--do it. If it's to connect with someone else who plays drums--maybe, but keep your options open.
Will you be learning by yourself, with an instructor, in a group, or in a band? (None of these options are bad, but it helps to make a plan that works for you.)
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So you know who just said that:
I am female, I am married
I have two children (one AS and one NT)
I have been diagnosed with Aspergers and MERLD
I have significant chronic medical conditions as well