Are Autistic Men More Likely to be Misogynistic?
The_Face_of_Boo
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androbot01
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The_Face_of_Boo
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VegetableMan wrote:
I agree with kraftikortie. While you might find a larger percentage of frustrated males who have trouble with romantic relationships among autistic men, it's not inherently an autistic trait to become misogynistic. It also completely depends on the emotional maturity and intelligence of the individual.
Agreed. I believe sexual frustration underlies much of the hostility towards the opposite sex you see on the Internet, especially from men towards women. On the other hand, while we autistic guys might be much more susceptible to sexual frustration, it doesn't follow that we all turn misogynistic as a result. The thing about misogynists is that they always blame their troubles on women rather than looking at themselves in the mirror and taking responsibility for themselves. As long as a guy on the spectrum recognizes women aren't all to blame for his struggles with dating, he shouldn't turn sexist.
That said, even if you're pro-gender equality, I've often wondered whether the politics of social justice (which often cover anti-sexism and feminism) might be even more difficult to navigate for autistics than NTs, especially if we're born into generally "privileged" demographic groups. The core tenet of privilege theory, as in male or white privilege, is that certain groups in our society face special disadvantages and discrimination which not everyone can relate to. We autistics already have a harder time relating to everyone else, so imagine how much more vulnerable we might be to the "check your privilege" retort when we interact with less privileged groups!
I think of myself as pro-gender equality, but I've certainly been accused of sexually objectifying women because of all the sexy, scantily clad ladies I like to draw. I still don't see the logic behind it to be honest. It's one thing to believe women are good for nothing more than popping out babies, but you can still appreciate female physical beauty without denying the rest of their humanity.
Sweetleaf
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Rhapsody wrote:
I agree that autistics are more likely to be misogynistic/misandristic due to perseveration of negative experiences with the opposite sex. But where the line of something just being a complaint or humor as opposed to clear misogynistic/misandristic content has always seemed a little blurry to me. I mean, there is obvious stuff, and then there are people who get upset about skeletons taking selfies. >.> Which borders on ridiculous, and makes the things that are actually problematic seem to have less weight because “obviously these #crazyfeminists complain about everything.”
I do not nessisarily mean more likely to be misogynistic/misandristic....but certainly frustrated with opposite gender when it comes to relationships and being misunderstood, and maybe some general bitterness towards normal people. Of course this can turn to a more hateful veiwpoint....but I do not think getting frusterated or noticing things that you feel irritate you about a stereotype is necessarily any kind of hate....generalizations can be made out of frusteration, and I feel its important to point out generalizations don't fit everyone in a given group, but just not sure I would jump on accusing a person expressing any of this of being women hating or man hating if they have frusteration to do with dealing with the opposite gender. I feel that does more to alienate an individual....then help them see things more clearly.
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The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
When you quoted sly and threw this "example" in this way out of blue, you sounded like you were implying or hinting what sly's problem might be (him having high standards), while the problem is more likely to be simply that he isn't attractive in the eyes of the majority of women, sly expressed before that he isn't after models so I can't see why you even threw this example in this context.
Alright, then, Boo. How would you explain the non-literal phrase “won't look at me twice” to Sly? Because apparently I accidentally accuse people of being unreasonable when I try to give an example of it. Got any helpful statistics or graphs for me?
Sweetleaf wrote:
I do not nessisarily mean more likely to be misogynistic/misandristic....but certainly frustrated with opposite gender when it comes to relationships and being misunderstood, and maybe some general bitterness towards normal people. Of course this can turn to a more hateful veiwpoint....but I do not think getting frusterated or noticing things that you feel irritate you about a stereotype is necessarily any kind of hate....generalizations can be made out of frusteration, and I feel its important to point out generalizations don't fit everyone in a given group, but just not sure I would jump on accusing a person expressing any of this of being women hating or man hating if they have frusteration to do with dealing with the opposite gender. I feel that does more to alienate an individual....then help them see things more clearly.
Okay, so how does it work then? If I say something hateful about men, it's a misandristic statement. Maybe it's coming from a frustration of being misunderstood. Maybe I was hurt, maybe I'm angry. Maybe I make sweeping statements about how terrible men are, and whenever anyone pops into the thread to remind me #notallmen, I respond with “but every man I ever met was this way,” or “every man in my area is that way” and because I'm frustrated and upset I completely ignore any attempts at logic, because obviously the people trying to reassure me have a skewed world view. Would that make me a misandrist? Does the opinion change if it only happens once? Or how about if I constantly spout the exact same hateful generalization with no change. Am I a misandrist if I don't mean to say hateful things about all men, but because I'm frustrated with them, I think my limited, and unfortunate, extrapolations are true of all men? Does my frustration and experiences magically make it okay for me to make misandristic comments?
Yes, labeling can alienate people, but sometimes people just need to be reminded that their comments are hurtful/hateful and that they need to rethink their position on a subject because it simply isn't working. We sometimes have issues with filtering our statements, because we have autism, and that makes us more prone to accidentally making unfortunate statements. Does a single statement make a misogynist/misandtist? Probably not. But, apparently it only takes one goat~ (if you don't get the goat joke, I'm not explaining it to you)
Sweetleaf
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Rhapsody wrote:
Okay, so how does it work then? If I say something hateful about men, it's a misandristic statement. Maybe it's coming from a frustration of being misunderstood. Maybe I was hurt, maybe I'm angry. Maybe I make sweeping statements about how terrible men are, and whenever anyone pops into the thread to remind me #notallmen, I respond with “but every man I ever met was this way,” or “every man in my area is that way” and because I'm frustrated and upset I completely ignore any attempts at logic, because obviously the people trying to reassure me have a skewed world view. Would that make me a misandrist? Does the opinion change if it only happens once? Or how about if I constantly spout the exact same hateful generalization with no change. Am I a misandrist if I don't mean to say hateful things about all men, but because I'm frustrated with them, I think my limited, and unfortunate, extrapolations are true of all men? Does my frustration and experiences magically make it okay for me to make misandristic comments?
Yes, labeling can alienate people, but sometimes people just need to be reminded that their comments are hurtful/hateful and that they need to rethink their position on a subject because it simply isn't working. We sometimes have issues with filtering our statements, because we have autism, and that makes us more prone to accidentally making unfortunate statements. Does a single statement make a misogynist/misandtist? Probably not. But, apparently it only takes one goat~ (if you don't get the goat joke, I'm not explaining it to you)
Well first off don't automatically assume its only hate if you make a hateful statement towards males in general, but not if a male does the same thing directed towards females. I would consider both of those hateful, if someone made a frusterated generalization that's not 'hateful' per say I would consider it frustration, with having dealings with people who fit said generalization. That doesn't mean if a female says something to do with some type of male she's had unpleasant dealings with she's being hateful....no they are just frustrated to.
Also the other point was is when people scream misogyny/misandry(if that's spelled right) any sort of generalization ever or even any joke is made regardless of if there are a lot who would fit that generlization towards a gender, doesn't really seem to help anything....when its more than likely seething hatred is hardely what the 'perpetrator' intended. Like how dare that a**hole on sadanduseless.com dress up a skeleton in a dress and have it take common styles of selfies found in excessive amounts all over the internet......because it pokes a little fun at females who spend too much time with that...can't help feeling the same females would be laughing if it was a skeleton dressed up like a guy taking selfies.
Also hurtful and hateful is not the same thing....sometimes non hateful things can hurt, hell like if someone tells me something I did hurt their feelings and I didn't realize it then it might hurt some to hear I caused someone to get upset(emotionally anyways)...but that doesn't mean its hateful to point it out if something I do upsets them. Or if someone mentions a general thing on the internet that bothers them and its something I've done in the past I can't say 'oh you hate depressed people because you found it hurtful when your friend was talking about no one caring, and you feel that you did care and they weren't acknowledging it' would it help for me to chastise them for hating people with depression and putting them on the defense....or maybe more helpful to explain that kind of situation has a lot more to do with the individuals depression than them and its, likely how they really feel and isn't meant to be disvalidating...or you know attempt to explain it without getting aggressive and accusing them for having some hard feelings about a situation.
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Ganondox wrote:
Let's ask ourselves which is more likely: that 4,000 out of 4,000 women are douchbags, or that you are the one being the douchebag.
how can i be a douchbag when they don't even talk to me. no first message, nothing. they just post a list of requirements and say don't bother messaging them f you don't have those. also never said they douchbags, just mislead by a society that is super superficial . some of their reason are legit and I understand. me dating a far left anti gun, hipi would be just as bad for me as for them. we'd fight a lot.
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sly's best chances is to work on his diet, or to rely less on online dating and try to build a bond with some girl he knows, I say he has better chance with overweight girls if he's still overweight himself (he's tall and that's an advantage especially when it comes to face to face meetings, a problem that I struggle with because I get a lot of replies on dating sites ...thanks to my toned physique basically*, most don't read I am 5'3 on profile and that led them to being disappointed and unpleasantly surprised when they find out if they turn out to be taller than me).
the women I know are from work. all but one are dating/married. the one isn't interested. not that I'd date anyone I know or met at work. well ok I did try, and was stupid too, could have and likely has affected my place at work.
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
They won't see much of his attitude/posture in a photo.
sly, what's your BMI?
sly, what's your BMI?
BMI?
people here tend to talk just in weight. the army said my weight should be 211 pounds, but both them and doct agreed that given my body type that would be unhealthy, that number they came up with was 240 pounds as idea. with eating less and mostly keeping to it I'm at 260. though i weigh myself too often. it went up after december, but I'm just about where I was pre holidays. from 280. so lost 20 pounds so far. 20 more to go. up from year ago when I was 250 pounds before losing all my friends, being told no by military and tons of rejection. hoping to join a gym so I can speed up the weight lost. main disadvantage is living with people who eat whatever they want. i did over for my bday as planned,.... sorry I can drag on.
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ganondox wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
*My personal experience proves that women are as visual as men, I am someone who went from zero replies from women over years to a full inbox - the only changing factor was my new physique (and pic), nothing in profile or messaging content changed. That's why I grin and hysterically laugh at heart when I hear someone claiming that women aren't visual, it is a very false belief.
That doesn't prove anything. When there is largely only visual information to work with, like whatever you're referring to, obviously a change in visuals may lead to a change in response. Does the fact that in my psychology class all of the men listed looks as being important (most the men framed it as wanting their mate to "care about their appearence", but I'm not going to lie, I don't give a damn whether someone cares about their looks or not, I only care if you're not ugly or not because I'd prefer for the people in my life, male or female, to be people I can stand looking at because I'm superficial like that ) while none of the girls did?
A psychology class is public and non-anonymous, girls are so conditioned into believing that they don't care about looks, and hence conditioned to way less likely admit it in front of others, they always like appear that they don't care about looks and totally non-shallow.
Public involuntary reactions to sexy male celebs, and what they look at behind the doors are more reflective of the truth.
Uh-huh. Sure. I never said women don't care about looks at all, but all the evidence points to them in general not caring about it as much as men do.l
_________________
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sly279 wrote:
Ganondox wrote:
Let's ask ourselves which is more likely: that 4,000 out of 4,000 women are douchbags, or that you are the one being the douchebag.
how can i be a douchbag when they don't even talk to me. no first message, nothing. they just post a list of requirements and say don't bother messaging them f you don't have those. also never said they douchbags, just mislead by a society that is super superficial . some of their reason are legit and I understand. me dating a far left anti gun, hipi would be just as bad for me as for them. we'd fight a lot.
Well maybe you should find some women somewhere where they don't have a big list of requirements to talk to you because while that might work on the internet, that's not how real life works.
_________________
Cinnamon and sugary
Softly Spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through other people's eyes
Autism FAQs http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt186115.html
androbot01 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sly's best chances is to work on his diet, or to rely less on online dating and try to build a bond with some girl he knows, I say he has better chance with overweight girls if he's still overweight himself
This is the kind of faulty thinking that leads to misogyny. There are no standards that if met will result in a girlfriend. Relationships form organically out of life.
........
Sly, stay off internet dating sites. Spend some time out in the real world. Personally, I think you're a sweetie, but the pot won't boil if you don't stop staring at it. Relationships are things that happen naturally as a result of living life.
idealy and in the past yes. but todays world no. people have super high standards, perhaps from all they everyone is #1 you're entitled to success. you can do anything. you're super amazing. nonsense they've been told growing up. meeting the requirements won't guarantee you a gf, but not meeting them will guarantee you won't get one. you have to meet thier requirements to be allowed to talk to them and that is where the organic bonding happens.
kraftiekortie wrote:
I think this is mostly about Sly "cleaning his slate," so to speak--and starting from scratch.
Forget your "failures" in the past, Sly. They mean nothing within the context of the future.
You're still a young man. There's still time.
I didn't marry until age 34.
Forget your "failures" in the past, Sly. They mean nothing within the context of the future.
You're still a young man. There's still time.
I didn't marry until age 34.
my past failures only come into effect during dating and relationships problems I will have to deal with, and wouldn't' mind talking to someone about. they however don't' effect my getting a date. its more a external problem. I'm 27 not a young man anymore.
kraftiekortie wrote:
I think this is mostly about Sly "cleaning his slate," so to speak--and starting from scratch.
Forget your "failures" in the past, Sly. They mean nothing within the context of the future.
You're still a young man. There's still time.
I didn't marry until age 34.
Forget your "failures" in the past, Sly. They mean nothing within the context of the future.
You're still a young man. There's still time.
I didn't marry until age 34.
my past failures only come into effect during dating and relationships problems I will have to deal with, and wouldn't' mind talking to someone about. they however don't' effect my getting a date. its more a external problem. I'm 27 not a young man anymore.
kraftiekortie wrote:
I'm "gay" as in "gleeful." Nothing else.
Ever heard the word "gay" used merely to mean "gleeful?"
Ever heard the word "gay" used merely to mean "gleeful?"
yes in civil war era songs and writings. still throws me off a little
"we'll all be gay when johnny comes marching home"
Ganondox wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Ganondox wrote:
Let's ask ourselves which is more likely: that 4,000 out of 4,000 women are douchbags, or that you are the one being the douchebag.
how can i be a douchbag when they don't even talk to me. no first message, nothing. they just post a list of requirements and say don't bother messaging them f you don't have those. also never said they douchbags, just mislead by a society that is super superficial . some of their reason are legit and I understand. me dating a far left anti gun, hipi would be just as bad for me as for them. we'd fight a lot.
Well maybe you should find some women somewhere where they don't have a big list of requirements to talk to you because while that might work on the internet, that's not how real life works.
i think they hold the same requirements in rl as online, they just don't walk around with them on a sign hanging on their chest. so they talk to the guy and ask questions to find out if he meets them, and when it turns out he doesn't then stop talking to him and move on to the next guy. if anything dating sites are better cause people are upfront about this so the guys/women don't wast their time. still hurts though but far less then if i dated them for a few times spent 200 dollars and have them stop when they find out i work as a cashier.
I've considered moving, but i can't afford to. I'd likely have to move to montanta or indiana and those are super far away from me. I'd have to get out of the west coast bubble. this if even possible would also mean leaving all my family and what friends I do have. so becoming a complete loner with no human contact. then if i did meet a girl the issue comes of shes now my whole life. nope just gotta to deal with where I live. I often look at people in the middle east and think why don't just move. i mean they know isis hate them. I realist though likely it is cause they can't afford to and this is the only home they've known. for most people just moving to escape a problem isn't possible.
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