My parents with Aspergers - manifesting as narcissism?

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Now that I've been diagnosed with AS, it is blatantly obvious that both my parents are on the spectrum too.

Of course they're in denial about this but that's not really my issue here. I just read the new Goop article on Narcissistic parents - I didn't expect it to be good, but it actually was. It described my relationship with my parents, especially my mum, spot on. The article is here: http://goop.com/the-legacy-of-a-narcissistic-parent/

Study choices and career choices were forced upon me all the time. I suppose I shouldn't even call them choices. I had to be a certain way, dress a certain way, act a certain way and when I didn't, all hell broke loose.

Now in my early thirties I have severe issues with depression, in fact I've had them since childhood. And I found it interesting that the following also applies to my life:

"Children like Audrey often end up in therapy. They are trying to discover who they really are. They often don’t trust their instincts, and they have trouble expressing their feelings. The boundaries between mother and child become so blurred that surviving childhood means catering to their parent and subverting themselves. Children like this worry that if they assert themselves in their adult relationships, they will risk losing love. This is what happens when a parents’ narcissism engulfs their children."

So in my adult relationships I am all the time on the lookout for the other person's needs, frantically trying to please and appease them. My marriage broke up a while ago but I still see this dynamic in my existing relations with people. I am a total people pleaser at heart and it is making my life a misery. I try and "rescue" people even when they don't need to be rescued, and then I feel abandoned and become a martyr when it turns out (as it nearly always does) that my "rescues" were not appreciated at all. It's crazy -- I am so worried about upsetting others that I rarely even start thinking about my own needs in life. Yet if you asked my ex husband apparently I am selfish. But this could be because our loveless marriage left me free to focus on me for the time being -- I simply stopped caring about him, but surprise surprise, could not walk out for 5+ years, because 5 years ago THIS happened:

Me: "Mum, I don't want to be with Husband anymore. I am going to leave."
Mum: "That is child abuse! Think of what you're doing to your child! Besides if your grandmother heard this she would have a heart attack and die"

Me, still thinking of leaving as I saw no way out, to husband: "I/ve packed my things, I'm going"
Husband: *smashes his hand against the wall, breaks the bones*
Me: (thinking to my self: he is in a vulnerable state so I cannot possibly leave him because of course I care about him, he's a human, and also most importantly he won't be able to cope being a Father if he's in that state)

So.... it took half a f*****g decade before the whole sham marriage exploded and I am finally free.

However, it is interesting to note how my people pleasing dynamic still plays on in all my other main human relations. I don't know what to do. It is horrendous to realise I was brought up by narcissistic Aspies - and my son is probably currently suffering the same fate. I don't know what to do. I do see myself not 'being there' enough for my child. I just don't know what to do. And when I read that Goop article and how narcissism is passed on in generational cycles, I just thought, oh s**t, this is me.

I think my parents are Aspie cases whose difficulties in theory of mind manifest as Narcissism. I am not sure whether that's narcissism,or just aspergers. My mum clearly always had a difficulty in realising that my mind is different from hers. Whenever I acted differently to how she saw she would've acted, horror ensued. Even the dress example in that Goop article is straight from my life! It is uncanny.

I have disappointed my parents in every possible way. I could never be the daughter they wanted me to be. I still carry guilt from this, although less so the older I get. To make matters worse, now that my marriage is over, I am completely dependent on my parents for financial support, at least for the time being. It greatly upsets me -- and I have never known how to manage my finances. I am guessing it is an aspie trait, although some other aspies I know are very very good at managing their finances. Oh, like my Dad, for instance, the eternal Scrooge. I have to keep begging him for money and he visibly asphyxiates every time and talks of killing himself as I am now living on his retirement funds.

What the f**k should I do? And how can I have future relationships as equals instead of immediately letting my whole world revolve around another person and trying to guess their every whim and need even when they don't need me to do that? It's like I'm a Soviet circus animal constantly doing tricks to impress for fear of being beaten up. Even when I may not need to be, anymore. But it is the only dynamic I have ever known in intimate relations.

Any comments much appreciated as always. Big love