Researching aspergers has become my new obsession.

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GoldTails95
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02 Apr 2015, 1:57 pm

will@rd wrote:

It seems to be the most common reaction among those who lived with the disorder for many years before they discovered why they had always had such difficulty assimilating into NT culture. Its very cathartic to finally have validation that the problem isn't just your own individual personality, but an actual neurological dysfunction that's essentially beyond your control. All those years people kept telling you it was your fault, you were "just shy" and if you'd "just try harder" you could overcome your inner obstacles and you knew they were wrong, but had no way of explaining why.

Suddenly the explanation falls in your lap and it all fits together so perfectly. How can you not become immediately obsessed with knowing absolutely everything there is to know about it? Its like someone has been observing you all your life - someone who gets you - and writing a comprehensive, detailed book profiling you and you just stumbled across it in a drawer. Of course you're going to be compelled to read every page.

I see less of that obsession in those who were diagnosed very early and have grown up knowing about their AS as long as they can remember. Instead of being thrilled to learn more about it, many seem to tend more toward self-pity and despair, hate everything about their disabilities, resent the label, and are convinced they can cure themselves through sheer force of will.

I did not know about autism nor did I know I had it until I was 10 years old. But before then, though I had fewer symptons of autism, they still had an impact but very mild. Plus, I saw the world in my very own wierd way and in fact my childhood was my prime time for exploring the world in my very own view. I would have wierd imagination based on the dteail and texture of looking at a very absurd thing like the wall. The music texture, especially at many times the octave of that song, which varies to me from one octave to the next shaped the way I view the world even more and it still deeply drives me to this day.
I switch obsessions from one time to the next. I become like if I am a pro in that area within a very short amount of time like months or even weeks, depending on how focused and obsessed I am about that subject. I then obsess about detail about that topic. Then, I switch to the next obsession. My current one I had is autism spectrum, which I had started 6 months ago and now I am a pro at that. That is one reason why I got into Wrong planet. But however, I still have extensive detailed knowledge about my strong previous obsessions I had years ago. To me, obsession with autism is the problem. But I should not forget why I am the way I am since Socrates say, "Know thyself." My solution is to remember ONLY the parts of autism that affect or had affected me. I try to "obsess" in another topic like Oceanography, which is something I like yet do not know much about. But when I do try to obsess, it fails because my focus is still on autism because of it's strong tendancy to obsess. So, if I did not pay attention or care about autism at my moment and did my very own focus on oceanography without mentioning autism spectrum in my brain combined with my ability to obsess and may even make that gift grow stronger, I could be like a savant BUT IF AND ONLY I do not obsess in any new unrelated topic that gets me off track.

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goldfish21
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02 Apr 2015, 3:20 pm

Jdibbs25 wrote:

I'm 23 m bioengineer, recently self diagnosed and I just have to say it's absolutley fascinating to read other aspies experiences and finally understand whats been going on my whole life.

Did anyone on here ever have an obsession over researching aspergers?

Yeah, kinda. I'm sure there are others who have read more, but I've read a few books, many websites, tons of threads on these forums.. as of a year or so ago I had read more than 10,000 pages about it. A fair bit more since, but the bulk I've what I've learned was back then when I read about it rather obsessively.

Then I wrote a bit about it & my experience successfully treating my symptoms via diet/intestinal cleansing & probiotics. If you'd care to read my story as part of your research, feel free to pm me an email address & I'll email you a copy of the text file. I have my story, just no lab tests to back it up as I wasn't conducting a medical study, only treating myself asap out of necessity as I learned how. As a bioengineer, you might be able to make some additional connections from what I've written.

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02 Apr 2015, 4:16 pm

will@rd wrote:

I've noticed that too, Willard. I think there is a lot of truth in your observation - relief in the older group, despair in the younger group - (there are exceptions in both groups of course, but generally..) - you see a fair bit of evidence on WP to support your observations. I think you put this beautifully:

Its like someone has been observing you all your life - someone who gets you - and writing a comprehensive, detailed book profiling you and you just stumbled across it in a drawer. Of course you're going to be compelled to read every page.

My theory of what underlies the difference is that the older group didn't grow up with stigma, specifically aimed by society at ASDs, while the younger group has always been exposed to the stigma and have internalised it to a greater or lesser extent. However if you have other theories, I would very much like to read them.

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02 Apr 2015, 4:28 pm

I spent most of my time researching it when I first self diagnosed. However, since I've gotten the formal diagnosis I very rarely research it.. I mean, I've lived it every day of my life.. Why would I need to read about it? I think it's normal to be consumed by it at the beginning and then for most, it lessens as time goes on.

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02 Apr 2015, 4:43 pm

nyxjord wrote:

I agree with this. But I must add there was certainly tremendous value in researching it to the nth degree in the beginning as it shed a LOT of light on my life to date. Even though I've lived it forever, you don't know what you don't know & won't realize all of the things that are AS traits until you learn what they are.. then you can look back w/ 20/20 hindsight and realize an awful lot about your life - as well as consciously improve your life from the present moment forward as you alter & improve your behaviour that you didn't even realize ought to be changed in the first place.

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02 Apr 2015, 10:51 pm

I like to research autism too and other things about brains too.
Yummm, brrrainzzz...

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02 Apr 2015, 11:54 pm

Yes, its a super interesting thing.

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03 Apr 2015, 2:22 am

Autism has been one of my primary special interests for approximately the past three years. I'm to the point now where I give guest lectures on it to the psychology classes at my old community college, and got into my current university in part by writing my obligatory "why I'm unique" application essay on autism and how it's benefited and challenged me. I literally have yet to meet a professor in the psychology department (my major) who knows more about ASDs than I do. I'm really excited, because I may just have found one this semester. He's one of my new professors and a doctor of psychology, who's had his Ph.D for 35 years and made autism one of his primary fields of study. I'm really hoping to learn more about the disorder from him.

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Keiichiiownsu12
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03 Apr 2015, 6:48 am

ever since realizing what aspergers really meant in reference to the difference in my behavior compared to other people, I have obsessed with researching and talking about it. and it's to the point where i can never get it off my mind. . .which can make trying to use all those social skills I know I've learned. . .rather difficult XD

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03 Apr 2015, 7:07 am

I got obsessed with AS after I end up getting over it.
At first, it's only the psychological parts. Then which turned into neurology related.
Now I'm trying to find the links between AS and in-between cultures. How NTs, within different cultures treat towards aspies, how would they perceive them? And why aspies has a lesser or different kind of cultural filters apart from NTs regardless the culture? Culture relies on it's own language and it affects views, but aspies/auties have a hard time getting that part. NTs relies on their culture which majority goes, but how come aspies/auties end up not getting it? And so on, and so on... (And I wish I have that monthly internet. )

Currently, I'm looking for cultural relativism. Despite that social studies is one of my weakest suit, it just came... :lol:

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Keiichiiownsu12
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03 Apr 2015, 7:16 am

when people refer to obsession with this topic, what do they usually mean? for me it's the differences in behavior, the various misunderstandings that crop up between aspies and NT's, and above all, what asperger's means to me personally. when people refer to this as an obsession, what sort of things do they look up? my "research" is usually on things like stubbornness, depression, anxiety, social stories, how individuals cope, aspie success stories (love em, but get the feeling that they actually aren't helping me all too much. . .), things like those. . .

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03 Apr 2015, 8:12 am

Keiichiiownsu12 wrote:

For me it's the behaviours of those with Asperger's/autism, our unique thinking styles, and how autism can be comorbid with other disorders.

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03 Apr 2015, 8:47 am

Keiichiiownsu12 wrote:

For me it's:

What is it? How is it defined? (DSM wars) Why is it defined that way?

What causes the symptoms? How much do genetic factors contribute to it? What about fetal or peri-natal environmental factors? Gene-environment interactions?

How do social constructs define it? How is it seen in different cultures? What is it like looking at the same symptoms through different conceptual lenses?

How much does personal psychology impact the expression, experience and perception of autism?

Trying to understand these things in the way that works best for me requires that I learn at least enough about a variety of subjects to feel that I have some understanding of what experts in these areas are discussing. This means learning a little neurobiology, molecular biology, genetics, psychology, and social psychology. It also means reinforcing my math studies and R skills to get a better handle on the statistics I am seeing and the researchers' methodologies.

If I won the lottery tomorrow, I would begin a crash course with tutors in certain topics and then return to university to study this intensively. I am not sure which area would pull more strongly: neurobiology or genetics...

These fields and this focus seems like an infinitely delightful place to explore and discover. I get really, really happy when I learn something new because I am pursuing this interest, an I am learning new things often!

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