How long did it take to figure your life out?

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I spent half a century working on that.

Then they gave me an autism diagnosis and I had to start again

Still workin on it...

22

depends on what you define as "talent" i'm not really "talented" by any stretch of the imagination but i'm good at the things i like doing, does that suffice?

24

i'm still working on this unfortunately

I am 26 year old and I am still looking - at least for my dream job and relationship.
But I pretty much accept myself since the time I was 14 year old and realized that trying to be normal is too tiresome.
And I never had much trouble socializing except the time of 10-13 when I had a social phobia. Sure. I am still bad with body language and social cues but it doesn't prevent me from interacting with people and having fun. Of course - as a introvert I need a lot of alone time to replenish energy afterwards but it's mostly due to sensory and information overload, not the socializing itself.

5 days after my 18th birthday, which was about 3 months after leaving school. Though my success and enjoyment were always limited. I've rarely been unemployed but working became harder and harder for me.

I was labelled the brightest kid in my first school (ages 5 to 7), but I gradually sank to a somewhat mediocre level and I decided against university because I figured I'd probably fail there. When I was 19 I started building multi-track tape recorders, and it became clear that I had an unusual talent for that kind of geeky thing. My success there reassured me that although my academic performance had deteriorated, my brain hadn't.

The social thing has always been rather up and down for me. I didn't notice a problem until I was about 11, and I still managed to limp along until I was 17 or 18 when I got in with some fairly OK peers, formed a band with a couple of them, went to parties with them, and got my first serious girlfriend, and married her when I was 24. Although I was doing quite well, I still strongly sensed the precarious nature of my social successes, and was determined to turn that round. When my marriage broke down a couple of years later I was very lucky to find some more OK people in my new neighbourhood, and I went through a social "golden age" among bohemian types until I left that and tried to settle with a new wife when I was 29.

I managed to reproduce, but did less well without my bohemian friends, although I had my moments. I tried to fix that by moving town and joining a worker co-operative when I was 34, but my marriage soon broke down. I still had some social success, and was never partnerless for long. I knew I was becoming more comfortable with women, but when my relationships became close, they still became stormy and problematic. I settled with a wife again when I was 45. My social life became rather thin and unsatisfying again, but by the time my wife left me when I was 56, I was beginning to do a little better, though to this day it's not a patch on what it used to be. I stopped worrying about it so much, and formed my current relationship when I was 59, and I'm still doing a lot better there than I've ever done with a close relationship.

I've never accepted the "introvert" label as being me, because I hate loneliness and because of that golden age I experienced. I see my current minimal contact with friends as rather a bad thing, and intend to fix it, but I expect the process to be slow and careful, and as long as my relationship remains excellent, it doesn't worry me very much.

In as far as I have reached that place, I owe a lot to the eccentrics and alternativists I've associated with, and I think I'd be long dead if I'd only ever had the mainstream to hang out with. Also, since my 30s, I've been very introspective and willing to examine myself critically, pondering why my friendships and relationships failed so much, and my Aspie diagnosis when I was 56 gave me a lot of new angles to think about, and my ability to cope with close relationships improved greatly after that. To some extent I haven't reached that place of contentment and personal acceptance, I'm a dreadful worrier and fault-finder, and I'm rather mindful of the notion that I'm broken in some sense of the word, and I still feel acutely that I'm on the wrong planet, and I rue that fact. I can't tone down my perfectionism, I still feel I've had a bad day if I've had to walk around an ugly urban landscape or deal with (what I see as) emotionally ugly mainstream people, i.e. most of them. But there is a kind of serene ease about me, something you could almost call spiritual - there's a side to me that's achieved enlightenment. That's been there since I was about 24, and it never completely lets me down.

Buckminster Fuller was once quoted as having said, "The Universe consists of non-simultaneously apprehended events." ... and since I don't exactly have a counterargument.

I feel like I've changed a lot in the last fews year, I've matured and think a lot differently now than I use to and hopefully that is a step in the right direction of becoming a fully functioning adult person. Age 30 maybe? I doubt it.

~30/31yo. Figured out my diagnosis at ~30, then figured out how to treat & minimize my symptoms. I've been back to work and life fulltime+ for the last year and a half or two now. Working towards much bigger entrepreneurial goals. Life is pretty good & getting better.

When did you find a job you were successful at and/or enjoyed doing?

Just recently. I'm a secretary. Not a very manly job, but it pays well, and I'm good at it. I've finally realized I shouldn't let people make me feel "less of a man" because of what I do. I would have preferred a more "manly" job, but I wasn't being allowed in the door. I pay taxes and don't live off welfare, that should be enough for anyone who wants to be critical of what I do for a living.

When did you discover your talent?

I knew of my "talent" many years ago, but I have no useful outlet for it...at least not one that's socially acceptable.

When did you become okay with socializing?

I've been "okay" with socializing for some time...in limited quantities. Indeed, I have to force myself to make an effort because I'm equally happy just spending my time at home.

Or become okay with being a true introvert with only the most minimal contact with others?

Same as above. I'd advocate every introvert make an effort to get out and meet people if only for the chance to work on their people skills.

What helped you reach a place of contentment and personal acceptance?

Learning about AS and Autism. Once I began to understand myself, I gave up on believing I'd just wake up one day and "arrive" at being "normal" like everyone else. I started to learn how to accept who and what I was rather than wonder why I could never figure out what I was doing wrong.

I'll let you know when I figure it out - might take a while.......

That took a fair amount of time--I was pretty indecisive in college, took two degrees, before finally settling down, and still had trouble finding a job. I did freelance and temping before i got hired at my current job. I am now successful at it (making decent money, well-respected) although I wouldn't say i enjoy it.


In this job--my talent is spotting errors, which as a web programmer is pretty handy to have. It had little to do with what i went to school for (graphic design) but just was something I'm good at. Plus I did a LOT of studying, taking more classes. Talent without work only gets you so far.


I got better with socializing over time, forcing myself to go to small gatherings or meeting one or two friends. I think it will never be easy, but it's something i want to work on. The contentment? Still working on it. I think what comes easily for other people will always be WORK for me, a big effort. But, on the other hand, there are things that seem like a snap for me that other folks think are hard (like figuring out a web page coding).

I still am lost. Lost in my own mind and in this world. I am 31 years old and it only seems to be getting worse as I get older. I don't see reality in the same way as other people, I see past it. I see the world and life as pointless, cruel and sad.

I don't think I will ever figure my life out, or maybe I have figured life out and it seems so pointless.

like many others in here, i havent.
were simply useless.
not only that i have an essentially debilitating disease im suffering from and i cant really do anything, and definitely cant focus on anything like that.

In a broad sense, idk if it's possible to figure out the direction my life will take, what I've experienced so far is that change is definate and what seems permanent today could be different in a months time. On the plus side, I think we never stop learning, and that new information promotes personal growth if it is applied. I think success is relative to individual context and perspective.

I have to confess to still being a work in progress, but don't mind that as much as I once did. I think at my age, 52, I am better equipped to deal with a lot of the stuff that gets thrown at me. I don't always manage and still have meltdowns, but they are far fewer and less intense than they were.

I have been "lucky" enough to be able to get most jobs I have ever gone for, the problem was/is holding on to them once I was through the door. That helped in the logistical sense of being able to pay bills, but put me directly in the stress firing line when it was clear I wasn't a 'team player' by their definition. My point was always that I WAS in that any team has to have different facets to make it work, so my value was that I offered a unique perspective. Not many saw the value after a while though! My CV doesn't look very good with so many chops and changes on it, but my current employer, a leading UK Autism Charity, understood that and have given me a shot anyway. It was a massive boost to me.

Getting a formal diagnosis helped me as it allowed me to finally put a name to the way my head works - keep in mind my age means I was trying to make sense of this when nobody was using the name. Having multiple wrong diagnosis, and subsequent incorrect treatment, really didn't help my sense of self or self-worth. I am currently in the process of joining our training team to utilise the experiences I have had in number of autism acceptance training events. That is good.

I worked for a few years in an agency that helped men come to terms with childhood abuse and we found that the average age for the men who contacted us was approx. 30 - 35 years. Many of them spoke about reaching a point where something "just changed" and they simply weren't prepared to put up with the crap any longer. I recognise a version of that in myself.

'Hang on in there!' is pretty rubbish support I accept, but like many clichés it is actually true. It can get better. I am taking great comfort and positivity from the new wave of activism I am reading about on a daily basis, that excites me and I hope it helps many more people to find themselves and improve their situation.

Although knowing about life is a life long process, yet, I have noticed that most Aspies become " aware" of this process itself in their early 30s. Most Aspies would agree that in their early 30s, they start questioning about life and decide what to do for better or worse. Decisions such as whether to get married or not, whether to do a job for money or for passion, whether to lead a solitary introverted life or mix with others, whether to please others or whether to be oneself and not care that much, - these vital decisions are taken in this phase of life.
Anyway, this is what I have figured out :

1. Life is very unexpected. You cannot predict much. Anything can happen anytime. Everything can change in an instant. Therefore, we have to live in the present moment, i.e. "today" or this instant-Unless we are aware of the value of the time that we have in our hands/ in our control-right now,- then everything will seem worthless or useless later on.
2. When we look back in our childhood and lament that "those were the best years", we forget that the time that we are living in NOW, i.e. this month or this year will also be "the best year" when we look back 10-20 years from now on. If in our 30s , our childhood seemed to be the golden years then, in our 60s, our 30s would seem like our golden year. So utilize best you have NOW.
3. Another thing I have noticed is that with age, even if something gets better, something gets worse too. That is why, we have to live in the NOW.
4. As an Aspie, as you grow old, no matter what, you have to learn to "pretend" in a world dominated by Neurotypicals. In fact, if you can pretend a lot or mask yourself, life will get more easier. My method of masking/pretending is to do "minimal talking" and "maximum listening" when interacting with NTs. Listening is an art that will save you a lot of headache. Listening has also helped me in understanding the world better. Do as the psychologists do-Listen to the patient. Observe.
5. Reacting/responding/arguing/questioning, etc.etc. has not proved much beneficial for me. Listening and observing and accepting others as they are - these three things has helped me a lot.
6. Love. I can't overlook its importance. Find at least a person or thing you can love. It may be a person, a hobby like art, traveling, writing, gardening, volunteer work in a orphanage/old age home-something you are passionate about-something that you interact with constantly that makes you even forget yourself for a while.
7. Life has no meaning really. It is how we see it -either through our own eyes or through the eyes of others. Sometimes we believe our own eyes, sometimes we go by what others see. But, at the end of the day, even if the meaning of life is constantly changing, we have to derive some source of joy/happiness while living life.