How long did it take to figure your life out?

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SageGrouse
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08 Apr 2015, 2:18 pm

Transyl wrote:
As someone who can't help feeling lost, I'm wondering how long it took other Aspies to figure things out?

Like, when did you find a job you were successful at and/or enjoyed doing? When did you discover your talent? When did you become okay with socializing? Or become okay with being a true introvert with only the most minimal contact with others? What helped you reach a place of contentment and personal acceptance?


Oh, I figured it out long ago!... well... maybe not that long ago... in fact... well, you see... I'll get it all sorted out by next Thursday... no wait... er... week after next! For sure! Then I'll... (looks at calendar) On second thought... in a month or so from now... better make that next year! Yeah 2016 defini... let's call it two or three years... for sure!

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09 Apr 2015, 9:02 am

I'm still a work in Progress. There were points in my life that I thought I figured out who I am but then something seems to change that. I still struggle with my communication and I think I know what my career is. Facing a layoff from my employer makes me unsure of what I will be doing next. Sometimes I think I like to draw and other times it seems like it takes too much effort. Lately I am a introvert/extrovert. I talk allot but would rather live alone. When living with people I talk too much. In some situations I can be introverted. When I'm shopping, at the hospital waiting room, at the DMV. In those locations I get sensory overloaded. I have learned what most of my triggers are so I can prepare to avoid them or how to cope with them.


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10 Apr 2015, 6:52 am

I'm still figuring out myself and the world around me. I personally think that is a never ending story and also what makes life interesting. For me there are two very distinct periods where a lot of internal modifications took place in myself and one of them is indeed my late 20's/early 30's like more people here in this topic.

I totally agree wit the posting of abeautifulmind. Life is unexpected and cannot be planned. Life is so unpredictable and everything can change by the minute so live by it :).

For me personally one of the best things I did after my diagnosis in 2011 was to participate in a Mindfullness class for people with autism. I ended up in a small group of 5 people which all had Aspergers. I think that talking to each other about or strong and weak points, our meltdowns, our relationships etc was as important as the mindfullness excersises.

I think I have still not 100% accepted the fact that I'm an Aspie. One strong wish I have is to be a NT for just one day, just to see how non verbal communication works and to experience the full 100% of communication between person to person.

For most NTs I am perceived as a "normal" person, my "script", as I call it is so refined that in most cases I will not stand out. That is until I run out of that same script and say or do something strange or inappropriate at the wrong time :roll: :lol:.

One very important and universal thing that I learned is to keep the energylevel high enough. A day works a lot better with a fully charged battery then a drained one. I luckilly have a wife who accepts that I sometimes need some recovery time when I'm at home after a frustrating day at work.

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7. Life has no meaning really. It is how we see it -either through our own eyes or through the eyes of others. Sometimes we believe our own eyes, sometimes we go by what others see. But, at the end of the day, even if the meaning of life is constantly changing, we have to derive some source of joy/happiness while living life.


I could not agree more!



izzeme
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10 Apr 2015, 7:02 am

My college time did this for me.

I dropped out without a degree after spending twice the time usually needed for a degree, but i learned loads.
I was lucky to live in an accepting dorm which housed several other 'misfits' (though still NT, except for one or two), so i dared to drop the masks and learn who i really was.

Years of semi-independant living were also great for being able to survive; i was supposed to cook and clean for myself, but there still was social control and help available, if i needed it. And the people there got me out of my shell, by asking me to join them (once every other day orso) but still accepting a 'no' without comments. They also accepted my quirks and were willing to work around my sensory issues, as long as i didn't complain too much (i accepted some of their behaviour and in turn they made some adjustments to theirs)



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10 Apr 2015, 11:16 am

When I in my mid-to-late teens, I remember my parents and others talking about being prepared for the “real world”. This concept really confused me. How was the world I perceived as a mid-to-late teen (not to mention as a child) different from the world that existed once I was “grown up”? At what point, will my perception of things change, so that I can then see what this “real world” actually is? Why would anyone have children, if this “real world” was so difficult to maneuver?

I had these same troubles distinguishing between a “boy” and a “man” – when precisely to I transform from one to another? Even at 51, I don’t think of myself as a “man” or an “adult”. Whenever someone refers to me as “Mr. Rocket”, I do a double-take. I don’t feel “grown up” enough to be thought of as “Mr.” anything.

My wife oftentimes makes comments that she has to take care of 3 children - my two teenage daughters and me.

I imagine that probably, it’s because I am so self-centered. I am not egotistical. I do not need to be the focus of attention. Or any of those things. But, I am quite self-absorbed. I don’t see other’s perspectives (I tend to hyper focus on the things that pre-occupy and/or worry me). So, even though I may look older and act older and be assumed to be an “adult”, I have a difficult time seeing myself as such.

And so, it’s along this line, that it seems almost impossible to “figure things out”. Because what exactly is it that I have to “figure out”?

Other than:
1) There is a reason why I am different from others
2) I cannot count on anyone to take care of me. I need to figure out how to survive by myself, so I am prepared if/when the worst happens.



AliceKathleen
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10 Apr 2015, 11:22 am

I found out I was an aspie in my 60's. Just by chance. Before this, I just figured I was clumsy, nervous, shy,
could not remember faces due to selfishness, and could not drive due to "bad vision".

I would not say I have figured things out, but at least am not superstitious or overly bothered by others or
modern culture at this point in life. Am 70 years old.



Wrenton
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10 Apr 2015, 1:09 pm

I still feel lost and confused in a cruel world that's out to get me..I've felt lost and confused all my life but didn't feel like the world was out to get me until my parents died 10 years ago..



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10 Apr 2015, 1:19 pm

Rocket123 wrote:
When I in my mid-to-late teens, I remember my parents and others talking about being prepared for the “real world”. This concept really confused me. How was the world I perceived as a mid-to-late teen (not to mention as a child) different from the world that existed once I was “grown up”? At what point, will my perception of things change, so that I can then see what this “real world” actually is? Why would anyone have children, if this “real world” was so difficult to maneuver?

I had these same troubles distinguishing between a “boy” and a “man” – when precisely to I transform from one to another? Even at 51, I don’t think of myself as a “man” or an “adult”. Whenever someone refers to me as “Mr. Rocket”, I do a double-take. I don’t feel “grown up” enough to be thought of as “Mr.” anything.

My wife oftentimes makes comments that she has to take care of 3 children - my two teenage daughters and me.

I imagine that probably, it’s because I am so self-centered. I am not egotistical. I do not need to be the focus of attention. Or any of those things. But, I am quite self-absorbed. I don’t see other’s perspectives (I tend to hyper focus on the things that pre-occupy and/or worry me). So, even though I may look older and act older and be assumed to be an “adult”, I have a difficult time seeing myself as such.

And so, it’s along this line, that it seems almost impossible to “figure things out”. Because what exactly is it that I have to “figure out”?

Other than:
1) There is a reason why I am different from others
2) I cannot count on anyone to take care of me. I need to figure out how to survive by myself, so I am prepared if/when the worst happens.


Dude, you just explained somewhat of myself and my thought process...just that i am younger, have no spouce and lonely and have slightly more autistic behavior that I subconsciously do...good to know I'm somewhat not alone in how I think.



Rocket123
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10 Apr 2015, 6:15 pm

Wrenton wrote:
Dude, you just explained somewhat of myself and my thought process...just that i am younger, have no spouce and lonely and have slightly more autistic behavior that I subconsciously do...good to know I'm somewhat not alone in how I think.


1. I love being quoted. It means someone actually read what I wrote (which I presume isn't often - LOL)
2. I love being called a dude.
3. I remember being lonely when I was really young (in elementary and middle school). Until I learned how to play games with myself. I used to entertain myself playing solitaire, poker, blackjack and even backgammon. Thank goodness for the internet. That was a game-changer - LOL
4. What does "have slightly more autistic behavior that I subconsciously do" mean?



LucySnowe
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10 Apr 2015, 6:18 pm

I'm 31, and I'm still figuring stuff out! But that's the beauty of life, I think; we don't stop learning and growing until we're dead.



BiffWellington
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11 Apr 2015, 11:07 am

Early 20s (currently mid twenties). I grew up being pushed to do well in school and be busy in high school, in college I went the opposite extreme and lacked control socially and academically because of underdeveloped assertiveness; between therapy and hitting rock bottom a year before graduation, I learned that having everything I want in life is directly related not only to my own actions but to my own initiative...I didn't grow until I had to motivate myself without anyone pushing me. I tend to think that we in general mature (not just socially) slower than everyone else, something that ties into "seeing the big picture".



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11 Apr 2015, 2:31 pm

peterd wrote:
I spent half a century working on that.

Then they gave me an autism diagnosis and I had to start again


My very words.


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11 Apr 2015, 3:20 pm

I don't expect to ever have my life figured out. I just try to take things as they come and figure each thing out on its own. Some things take me longer than others.



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11 Apr 2015, 4:47 pm

What does it mean - figuring ones life out?


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nikkiDT
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11 Apr 2015, 6:13 pm

I know what I want for the most part, but I'm still scared for some reason.



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12 Apr 2015, 3:39 am

OK, It´s about when we knew, what we wanted.....I knew at the age of 19, but along the road reality happened and changes had to be made. I stand before a possible shift now, - that is, if the social system will let me.


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