Do you tell your friends that you're Autistic/Aspie?

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MrMagpie
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17 Jul 2011, 4:45 pm

I've told the two close friends I have. They were actually my sounding boards when my therapist and I were working together to figure out if I had AS or not - I spent days and days sending them articles and quizzes and talking with them about my behaviour and the way I objectively seemed to other people, which is very useful for me since I don't have much of an ability to empathize with others and thereby see the impression I make from an outside perspective. I've also let some of my coworkers know, and of course my Mother and my girlfriend. I enjoy talking about AS with others, so if anyone expresses an interest I'm more than happy to talk with them about myself.

If this has changed the way people look at or treat me, I wouldn't really know, but I don't think it has.



League_Girl
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17 Jul 2011, 6:57 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I'm scared to tell people because of their negative reactions to it. The only people who are ''allowed'' to know by me is my doctor and my employment advisors. I don't like to tell all of my friends, even though it will make life easier for me, in the long run. But there's just something about it that I feel afraid of, and I can't quite put my finger on why I feel so afraid. I mean, surely they like me for who I am. Why would their thoughts change about me after so long, just because I've told them that I have a disability? Having a disability may seem shameful to me, but to them it might just be the same as somebody telling them that they have asthma or diabetis. They wouldn't think any less of them then, so why would they feel any less of me just because I have a disability? But I just still feel embarrassed and shy to tell them. I mean, if I'm good at hiding it, I think is it that worth telling them about it? Or shall I tell them that I just have some learning difficulties, and any social misconduct I do might just make them think that it's associated with my learning difficulties, since I'm generally so good at hiding my AS that I don't show enough AS to make people think of AS, if that makes sense. I know they don't. It's just that if I did start telling everybody that I have AS, and they ask what it is and I have to explain, they might take it a bit seriously and assume that I get too overly sensitive and anxious quick, and they might start speaking to me like I'm a baby, or they might think, ''oh, glad I ain't got that!'' and so on. Just little thoughts start swirling round in my head, making me keep quiet about my AS.

Does anyone else feel like this?



I feel this way all the time. I am afraid if I tell them, they will use it to describe me and make all these assumptions about me. I am afraid they might say I don't have it and not take me seriously because I don't fit their profile about autism. I feel I am too mild to tell them so I don't see the point. Sometimes I want to just tell them to make them feel like a dumb ass for how they were treating me because they didn't believe me about my honest mistake I made. But I am also afraid what if it had nothing to do with ASD and it was just them with the problem, not me? What if my mistake had nothing to do with my ASD? Then I have embarrassed myself.



Whosinabunker
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18 Jul 2011, 1:13 am

I approached it slowly and most of my friends were very understanding right off the bat, though one had to slow down and basically have that quiet "Oh...." moment. He came around though. I was surprised actually.



EdWood
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20 Apr 2015, 10:11 am

The only person that I have told is a very close friend who also has ASD, she seemed very surprised and we spent the rest of our class talking about similar expieriences, I refuse to tell anyone else because the people at my school couldn't wait to make fun of me for it.



Adam55
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20 Apr 2015, 11:14 am

if i trust them then yes and so far i haven't regretted it.



Kate.com
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20 Apr 2015, 11:29 am

My mom knows in being about my dad and then seeing much of the same in me.

My best best friend knows. She helps me out if I'm not having a good day.

I don't bother with the rest. #1 Most peeps don't get it/get what it means in how I understand and perceive, and #2 I don't really know anyone else I'd call friend. I don't trust peeps, so it's a miracle to me to have 1 friend who won't give up on me.



Random42
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20 Apr 2015, 12:24 pm

I told 3 people. I told one person becausenshe already guessed it, another person who said she suspected she was an Aspie herself, and another person who said she was diagnosed. In those types of cases I feel comfortable telling them, otherwise I don't.



Jensen
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20 Apr 2015, 2:30 pm

I disclosed to a friend, who disclosed to others.....I don´t mind, but sometimes I´m worried, that friends may be pulling back out of uncertainty.


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20 Apr 2015, 3:12 pm

I admit I sometimes worry about how people may react to such information, hard not to after years and years of being picked on at school...of course I was not diagnosed with autism, but people still could tell something was different about me and if I had a dollar for every time I got called 'ret*d/ret*d' I'd probably be a very wealthy person. But in reality the now of reality anyways....I don't really have any long term friends who never knew all these years to worry about telling. But yeah usually I mention it to people if it seems a good time and place and it hasn't backfired thus far. I have made friends with some of my brothers friends, one of them I know is aware for sure...some I can't remember if I've mentioned it though I doubt they'd care. Also though most people I hang out with are quite different in their own ways...I am certainly not the only one who's been in the hospital for mental health reasons. So I suppose there is the fact I don't really hang around with any really 'normal' people, I mean me and my friends/acquaintances are those rock music listening to people with piercings, wearing black(other colors to but people always b*tch about the black) and deviating from gender stereotypes that the normal people glare at, while walking around at the mall for instance.

So yeah I tend to be fairly open to people I know/meet if it comes up...but I don't feel the need to mention it as the first thing when i introduce myself. Like if I am hanging out and someone brings over someone I don't know and I introduce myself I am not going to say 'hello, I have autism.' I'll just say hi...exchange names or whatever and then if they wonder what it is that seems weird about me or it comes up I may mention the autism. I feel like with a lot after they know me for a while they probably would not be surprised to find out. I guess sometimes I worry about coming off as a b*tch since I am not good with eye contact/initiating interaction so people could take it as giving them the cold shoulder or something...also if there is a lot of talking or other kinda noise its easy for me to miss people trying to get my attention so they might think I am ignoring. Though I suppose I try and keep in mind if someone does ever call me out on those things then I can try and explain it and make it understood i don't have an issue with them...I suppose I don't worry too much if its someone I probably wont ever see again.


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20 Apr 2015, 4:36 pm

If I had any real life friends I would tell them, that way they might be understanding of any social miscues on my part. I've told all my online friends, they still love me just the way I am. :D


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20 Apr 2015, 4:56 pm

I allude to the fact that I didn't speak until age 5 1/2.

I haven't really told anybody that I'm on the Spectrum.



EzraS
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20 Apr 2015, 10:40 pm

It's blatantly obvious in real life that I'm autistic.



kraftiekortie
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20 Apr 2015, 11:43 pm

It's blatantly obvious in real life that I'm cuckoo. Nobody knows what to make of me. :wink:



nick007
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21 Apr 2015, 2:02 am

Where I come from lots of people including docs think of autism as something like higher functioning mental retardation so I don't think any good will come by telling people who won't get it.


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21 Apr 2015, 8:15 am

I wanted to tell when AS was new to me. Now I'm older and wiser and glad I didn't have a whole lot of people to tell.

Every friend I have had have been from two ASD sites and one other forum where I was open about being aspie, so it has been a moot point.

Years ago I told one former classmate, that's as close as I have come to telling a friend. Now I regret that, because I don't know how to deal with her now if I meet her again. Nor do I know is she's told anyone.

I doubt I'd tell anyone else IRL. No need to tell them everything. Extremely few people can be trusted to keep things to themselves. And it's none of their business anyway. Most will just treat you worse for it, like blaming everything on Asperger's, or be condescending and dismissive, treat you like you suddenly dropped 100 in IQ etc.
If I ever do end up with an NT friend, I won't be eager to tell them about something as poorly understood as AS. I'm not even comfortable talking about my asthma, allergies or other more well-known medical problems.

The only people who are part of my life who knows, are my parents, and one of my aunts.

Be careful who you tell, guys. Once the info leaves you, you can't take it back and you don't know who ends up knowing or how they'll take it.


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