Living independently

Post Reply New Topic

I came across this great quote

"A person raised in a healthy family is equipped to live a confident and independent life; someone from an unhealthy family is filled with fear and self-doubt. He has difficulty with the prospect of life without someone else. The devaluing messages of control and manipulation create dependency so those who most need to leave their family of origin are the least equipped to do so.”
― Christina Enevoldsen

Sadly I can relate to that. I was emotionally abused by my family growing up and I'm still living with my mom while I'm in school.

Left home when I attended college and have never been back. Home life can be a challenge.

I think that dysfunctionality has different effects on everyone.
Both me and my husband are products of similar type of families but my husband is supremely confident and independent. Yet, he grew up in a more unhealthy /worse environment. His family continue to manipulate him and create dependency in him still. But it does not bother him and he is very self assured/successful. How we are raised, matters a lot but I think that males don't care that much about their family upbringing. Females mostly hold on to their past and let the past affect their present. I want to clarify that this is just my personal observation and I do not want to stereotype any gender in general. More so because, I have seen in dysfunctional families, where both siblings are treated badly by parents, yet a sister may grow up to be supremely confident whereas the brother may feel handicapped by his past. Dysfunctionality has different effects on everyone -it can maim some yet some can see through it and escape from the past.

Maybe the results of a bad upbringing (Nurture) effect different people differently according to their genetic capabilities, (Nature).

I was brought up horrifically, made to feel I was hated, constantly beaten for just being there, mocked and laughed at, endlessly being told I was stupid and thick, I grew up with no confidence in myself whatsoever and complete self-doubt.
But it didn't make me want to stay at home, I left after school and joined the Navy for a few years then lived on my own forever.
The abuse made me want to completely avoid living with other people, it made me so avoidant that my natural intelligence and abilities had to be relied on to the extent I do literally everything to be independent, I can do everything, fit my new bathroom and kitchen, completely rebuild my car.
As soon as I retire I will try and find a place in the woods to live and grow my own food so I can be completely independent of mankind whom I am still afraid of.