Homeless soon, grew up in near isolation, lookin for advice!

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I think that you sound very normal, your problem is that you are in a crappy situation and that you have a lot of damage from growing up in an abnormal environment. Shutting of your feelings when it is too much is perfectly normal. What else can someone do in order to keep sane?

You wrote before about distant relatives, but you wrote that what stopped you from contacting them was because you didn’t want to tell them about your family. But could it not be worth taking the chance?

I really only know of my aunt that lives in south America. They are dirt poor in a town of 280 people with no tv or internet. My dad used to mail them vhs tapes of tv from here of like nature shows. He told me they considered us their kids as well because my aunt couldn't have kids. I've never met her but she apparently came here in the late 80's and met my brother/sister.

I can't remember what all I said about relatives or why I don't contact them I'll have to reread. But basically I don't know how she would react or if she would ask my dad about anything which could jepordize my mom staying with him. Recently my mom said it seems like he will let her live with him but I don't know. There is also embarrassment and I wouldn't even know where to begin. I feel stupid that I didn't realize for so long how abnormal my situation is.

I also don't know if I said how traditional my dad's side of the family is. Regarding religion and ceremonies which is why no one would have anything to do with him and especially his "impure" family. I thought I talked about it but if not I could go into it more.

There's so much stuff that has happened all I can do is generalize and summarize a little bit of everything to most accurately describe my situation. I couldn't even get anywhere near just what I had in my first post out to the pastors.

I have no idea how your aunt would react, and since they are so poor than maybe it is a bad idea, it is hard to predict.
How big is the city that you live in? Are there no other cities nearby with more opportunities for you? Could you rent a room from someone? Are there no mental health facilities or some such, with educated people that can help you? I wish I had some good ideas for you; it all works so differently in your country. You are good at writing, maybe you could write a debate article for your local newspaper about the absurd situation you are in? I mean you are stuck in a crappy place and you are hindered to advance because of stupid inhumane rules (like with the apartment).

There is about 2 million population in the one I work and where I'm sleeping. All outer cities are small and a lot more strict on being homeless. They will actually ticket you if you sleep in public areas during certain times and no sleeping in your car at anytime.

I forgot you suggested moving to another state. I would probably enjoy that but couldn't afford it. Both the car and not having a job for a few weeks.

For mental health that was the primary question I wanted an answer to for this thread but I guess I got sidetracked. I mean I was curious if there was something I missed for like housing or resources but it seems I haven't.

I just want some kind of confirmation that I am fixable but I don't even know who to talk to. I believe the normal route is to start with a general doctor, get referred to general psychiatrist and further be funneled down but I can't afford that. I couldn't even afford treatment obviously but if I at least knew where to go and how much treatment would cost then it would be something I could work towards objectively.

I should probably start a new thread and not mention anything other than symptoms and possibly being from neglect. Maybe my story is too unbelievable or just too long.

I also don't want you to feel obligated or guilty to keep replying since its mostly just you and kraftie still keeping up. And I do appreciate it. I did get a few PMs from lurkers early on but I stopped checking back and haven't heard from them since I sent replies.

I had thought about sending my story to newspapers but I'd be afraid it might go viral and end up on Oprah or something. That's if anyone believed it anyways.

I'm about to go to sleep so I don't know if I'll respond anymore today but thanks again to you and everyone else that has replied here. And if there are any lurkers I would like to hear from you. I'll check my PMs more

I forgot to mention an idea I had. To just go to every business within walking distance and see if I could get further with someone other than a pastor. If I hit up 300 places maybe I'd run into someone who knows an apartment manager or has a guest house they never thought to rent out. But I wouldn't know how to approach someone. Like where to begin. Starting as saying I'm homeless or living in my car would definitely not be good since its pretty looked down on to be homeless here. I'm not sure I could handle the embarrassment of all the turn downs especially if they have customers there to hear me.

Holy s**t man this sounds rough.
Sorry I can't be of any practical help as I'm in a different country and my situation is very different from yours.

Maybe car repair shops or such? It sounds like you know your stuff with that. As a side benefit you might get access to some tools / materials to help you keep your own car alive a wee bit longer and keep your expenses down. All I can say is you sound helluva resilient and smart, if you were local and I needed something done on my car I'd be PM'ing you right now.

I've decided I'm not cut out to be homeless. At least not here. It hasn't even been a week yet and I can't make it another.

I just got out of the gym taking a shower and I'm already just as sweaty as I was before going in.

I already look like a tomato like most homeless around here do. I got such a bad sunburn the last few days I feel like I have the flu.

I can't hardly sleep even at night because it's so hot let alone during the day like I should be doing since I work graveyard.

I already need to go to the laundromat but I'm too tired. I'm wasting too much gas just trying to find spots to sleep and restrooms. It's costing me a fortune just to get a fountain drink or food.

Physical comfort was the last thing I had and now that's gone.

I only see two options. Going north to a cooler state or going to the mountains. Neither is really good because I won't have a job and a car. If I just go north then I'm at the mercy of my car making it far enough and will still have the problem of everything costing too much.

It will take all the money I've saved for 2 years and leave me with a broken down car and no job but anything is better than this.

Im going to try and sleep soon then I'll decide when I wake up. If I still have a phone by the time I'm settled in either of those I'll post an update. Otherwise this is the story I was looking for earlier on to know what happens and now one exists.

Only thing I could say to anyone in this situation is to build credit as soon as you can because that was probably the deciding factor in me getting an apartment.