Too emotionally involved, embarrassed for others?

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I'm new here. I'm in my 30s, female, very, very introverted with an AQ of about 35. I've thought about getting diagnosed but at this point, it would be just for curiosity sake.

Something I'm interested to see if anyone shares with me -- difficulties with getting *too* emotionally involved in something that they're not directly a part of? I know that I've heard folks with ASD lack empathy but I've also heard the reverse -- too MUCH empathy and that makes so much more sense to me.

Ever since I was little, I've had this thing about embarrassing situations for others. Like tonight New Kids on the Block were on American Idol (if someone likes them, I'm sorry! I'm not judging your tastes!!) but to me, their performance was really painful. Like, embarrassingly painful that I felt physically anxious just listening to them and had to listen to something else while my family watched the performance in the next room.

I've been like this all my life. If someone near me or I was in the audience and something embarrassing or unexpected happens, I cringe and have to physically remove myself or not witness the situation (hear/see) or I'll meltdown. Even in fiction, say if a character acts out of their established role (like, body switching, personality transplant, OOC, etc. vs. character development), I can't watch/read or I'll meltdown.

It's weird and I don't understand it. I'm wondering if this is ASD related or if I'm just... odd.

Nobody?

Hmm I don't feel that. Is it because you feel confused, as in things are not the way they should be? Also what is AQ

I can't say I can relate.
I think I generally fit the 'no empathy' thing when it comes to humans but have always had a heightened sense of empathy for animals, though even that's died down a bit now.

OP, I understand what you are talking about.

Sometimes, I feel an extreme amount of empathy. Other times, I feel very little.

When I get the "extreme empathy" feeling, I almost imagine that I *AM* the other person. It is like I am there up on that stage, etc. One time in high school, we were told that someone stole money from the band room office. Even while I knew I was completely innocent, I felt extreme guilt and anxiety.

That is just one example.

I experience the same thing, but I think that it only happens with embarrassment. I can't recall being overly emotionally involved with other feelings.

I don't think that I'm experiencing super-empathy because it happens when I've no way to be sure that the person(s) around which it revolves actually feel(s) embarrassed, and I don't feel especially tuned-in to their emotional experience. I think that it's more about me projecting something inside myself onto the situation, some sort of strong aversion to the social dynamics specific to embarrassment.

I've been told I have too much empathy, and I know my brother has a strange sort of empathy as well. For him, though, he has strong empathy towards animals rather than humans.
For me, I can't watch things like Laurel and Hardy as a comedy, or I Love Lucy. I cannot watch I Love Lucy because of how embarrassing it is, it gives me a lot of anxiety. Laurel and Hardy just makes me really sad. If I watch something with a torture scene in it, I freak out, like I can feel it myself.

I felt very strongly when a group of kids were trying to destroy a black harvester ant nest and ended up taking a baseball bat to the knee just to protect the ants... Yet I have no clue what to do when someone I know has just found out their mother died and has collapsed on the floor. I just felt awkward, and very distant.

I can totally relate to OP. I get so absorbed in the performance I feel a sense of being cheated if it doesn't meet my expectations. At the other end of the scale I have learned over time to reduce my exerburance for the things that I love which others find my behaviour off putting when I express myself. It's not that I don't recognise effort in others when they perform and make appropriate allowances for that. It's just that others seem just to care about social niceties of artists, appearances, superficial behaviour that is non-offensive to anybody, political correctness and conformity. I actually love artists like Lucille Ball, Laurie and Hardy, Charlie Chaplin, early Woody Allen and Andy Kaufman because they challenge me with their ineptitude which I can identify with. While seemingly socially inept and clumsy they rise above their embarrassment with sheer unpredictability and cleverness. That's more a reflection on life to me than the boredom of the entertainment we get these days.

I've always gotten this as well. Like, there was one time 4 or 5 years ago an overweight person in my class had their trousers slung too low when leaning over, and there were other people around, and I became so anxious and concerned that someone would comment. I feel very protective of other people's self-esteem so I worry when I see people say or do things that other people might perceive as socially inappropriate, etc. Therefore, I experience exaggerated levels of discomfort on their behalf unless the situation is immediately resolved. It is not embarrassment that I feel, it is more like discomfort because I feel like when people say or do "embarrassing" things then I worry what other people will say or do in response.

same. a lot of the time, i feel more empathy for characters in books or tv shows than real people, as well as animals. irl, not so much.