Do you tell people you have Aspergers?

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PurpleButterfly30
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22 Jun 2015, 4:19 pm

Hello,
I have just found out I have Aspergers and would like to tell my co workers to help them understand me better as I find I can get easily confused in work even though I have worked there a while and it would be helpful if I could be more open and explain why I get confused. My boss does already know I have Aspergers. I was just wondering how you find people react to you telling them you have Aspergers? Do people understand it? Do you keep it on a need to know basis or are you pretty open about having aspergers?



jk1
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22 Jun 2015, 4:27 pm

I don't. I'd say you shouldn't. Once you do, you can't undo it. I believe some will just brush it off and think you are just seeking sympathy or making an excuse.



Lintar
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23 Jun 2015, 1:00 am

I don't tell people either. It's no one else's business. Let them figure it out for themselves.



Lukecash12
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23 Jun 2015, 1:35 am

Tell only knowledgeable persons who are familiar with the disorder, people who might have noticed your symptoms and are wondering about the disorder, etc. Otherwise, they more often than not don't know how to handle such a foreign idea.


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yellowtamarin
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23 Jun 2015, 1:43 am

I'm very open about it and have found it nothing but a positive experience. I've had so many difficulties at work which were not improved by trying to hide it, that it's now a rule of mine to let employers know about it BEFORE they employ me, so I can better explain what sort of employee I'm going to be. How did your boss react? If they reacted fine, I'd say most other people would too. I find that a lot of people respond with something like "oh, I have a nephew/cousin/friend with autism".

It might be a bit more confronting to tell your co-workers now, though. I tend to say it somewhat off-handedly to people I have recently met, which is easier. When I've told people I already know, I've often got "Ohhh okay yeah that helps explain some things", or "oh I never would have guessed. Okay cool."



cberg
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23 Jun 2015, 2:01 am

I do so very selectively, never have at work though. I work in technology so it's always in the back of people's minds, particularly the obsequious coworkers or bosses though. Sometimes it makes relating to people easier, sometimes it makes less tech-savvy managers territorial, sometimes it makes people straight up deceitful. I'm trying to get past contracting in technology and move to greener pastures within engineering largely because of the fact that you can't always tell who your allies are at work, and because something like AS is basically a forgone conclusion within sciences & academia.


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Skilpadde
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23 Jun 2015, 2:18 am

jk1 wrote:
I don't. I'd say you shouldn't. Once you do, you can't undo it. I believe some will just brush it off and think you are just seeking sympathy or making an excuse.

And others will treat you differently, like you suddenly dropped 100 in IQ, or everything they don't like about you will be chalked up to Aspergers and dismissed.
I don't recommend telling people about it.
I don't. Not including professionals (doctors), I've told 6 people, half of them related to me (and thus needing to know in my eyes, though I likely won't tell my other rels). None of the other 3 are people I'm in touch with.

The likelihood of being perceived more positively/being met with greater understanding is low. I'm lucky to have a good family, so it didn't backfire with them. But most people will become uncomfortable when you tell them you have something, especially something that isn't a 'regular' disease.
It's better and easier to keep quiet about it IMO.


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BirdInFlight
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23 Jun 2015, 3:20 am

I generally don't tell people, no. It's not commonly known among the people in my real life.

Of the people who know me whom I've told, it was on a strictly "need to know" basis. If there was a pressing reason it would be best that they know, then I told them. But that has had mixed results, confirming to me that in my own case it's probably better people don't know.

One reason is because a majority of the general public really don't know enough about Asperger's and autism to not get the totally wrong impression. They know a few stereotypical things enough to actually make things worse for you if you tell them, not better. They don't understand the correct facts about the condition. You can wind up getting treated like you're stupid, dangerous, incapable of things, etc. even if you actually don't even display ANY of those things. But it's what someone may have read in a headline, for example.

I feel it's like telling people you're from a certain location/town/city/state/country that has a lot of no-longer-correct stereotypes attached to it -- it's better just to avoid talking about it or else the next hour will be spent trying to disabuse the person of their misguided assumptions.

Having said that, I guess it depends on not just the person you're telling and how open they are to understanding, but also on who you are. There are some people on the spectrum for whom lots of factors about their unique personality and even how their autism presents somehow makes it be that having everyone in their life knowing about it actually helps them and it's all a good thing.

There are other people for whom, everything they seem like, combined with trying to tell someone, will just make for a truckload of jarring information that causes more confusion than not. It depends on who you are and who they are, I feel, as to whether it works out well to disclose or not, and how widely to disclose.

For me, I think it's best people in my life don't know, I keep it private, and only share it with a chosen person I feel it would be more helpful to both them and me if they know.



MarkOrbit
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23 Jun 2015, 3:59 am

Lintar wrote:
I don't tell people either. It's no one else's business. Let them figure it out for themselves.


That's hilarious



MarkOrbit
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23 Jun 2015, 4:07 am

I havn't ever. But I might do it.

Yeah like the others have said, people have no clue what it means. Smart people will get it and the uneducated people will think you are dumb down or slow.'



PurpleButterfly30
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23 Jun 2015, 4:42 am

Thank you so much for all your replies. They have been really helpful! :) I think because I have only just found out about Aspergers I have no idea how people would react. I think it is best I don't tell them and keep it on a need to know basis.

yellowtamarin wrote:
How did your boss react?

Luckily my boss reacted okay to it. I think my boss already knew to be honest as she has someone in the family with autism. I think it be great how open you are about your Aspergers.



Meistersinger
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23 Jun 2015, 4:49 am

As they say in the military, only on a need to know basis.



Skilpadde
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23 Jun 2015, 6:05 am

PurpleButterfly30 wrote:
I think because I have only just found out about Aspergers I have no idea how people would react.

It was the same for me. Everyone I did tell about it, I told when it was new to me, before I saw the wisdom in generally not sharing the information.


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23 Jun 2015, 7:41 am

OK first of all, I apologise if this comes across as being rude in any way, as it is really not meant to. I'm imparting some real hard won wisdom here.

I am not sure if I would tell people at work as I haven't had to confront that issue. From what I can see the problem is in the question. You have a J O B. The workplace and ASD do not mix. I tried all through my twenties and it was pure hell. So when I was 30 I went back to university and got my degree. University was fabulous, obviously I fit right in there as I could get right into one of my special interests and be liked for it lol. Then ever since I have either worked as a freelancer or have run my own business. I really believe that for people on the spectrum this is the only way forward in order to avoid huge daily stresses, such as commuting and god forbid - meetings! Yikes! It's really not that difficult to run your own business. Less able people than you make money for themselves every single day.

Now because I don't have bosses and colleagues to worry about, I tell people that I get close to without a second thought. So, I have told my family, friends and my landlord at appropriate times, but I wouldn't tell my cleaner. I have told a few of my clients and a few of the freelancers that work for me. It really doesn't worry me what people think about it.

I have a friend who is really open about it on public forums such as Facebook. He says thank god he has ASD or he wouldn't have the skills to do what he does. He is now a famous DJ and travels all over the world. He is totally open about it and has always had tons of friends.

So I would say, be self sufficient, dictate your own terms of living, then you haven't got to worry about issues such as what will other people think of you.

Best of luck,


Karen :D :heart:



Gaara
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23 Jun 2015, 8:44 am

It's a need to know basis really, most people don't need to know.



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23 Jun 2015, 9:39 am

Yep....like HIPAA--a "need to know" basis.

There's no purpose to telling every Tom, Dick, or Harriet.