Why Do People Hate Self-Diagnosers?

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You mean quit WP? Has someone left?

I think people can take them the wrong way. They think because they are self diagnosed, and every once in a while these topics come up, that they are not welcome here and that it is a very hostile environment. Some posts can seem rude but they are just being blunt. This much bluntness can take a while to get adjusted to and it can lead people to quit if they take it the wrong way. I mean I'm not saying there are no people here that are hostile, just that there are far fewer than what it looks like if you suddenly enter this thread after recently joining.

First you say self-observations are enough, now you are saying that feedback from others is also not enough. Yes, you are correct that non-autistic people can get treated poorly by others for various reasons. But, you are ignoring the fact that "self-diagnosis" is a synthesis of all the information. My point in talking about the feedback is that it is evaluated along with the self-observations. Together, they point to the spectrum. The feedback from others supports my self-observations.

I trust my research, analysis, and synthesis skills pretty well, and I have an educational record to back that up.

I self-diagnosed and then got diagnosed soon after. $400 after, lol. That wasn't official enough to the government so I got diagnosed again. It was mostly free this time. I really don't understand how bulk billing works.

Personally, my self-assessment was more thorough than the doctors who diagnosed me. The psychologist did an alright job but with the psychiatrist (who made my dx official) I was diagnosed in under an hour.

It's pretty obvious I have autism. I stare up a lot when overwhelmed. And just today had to tell my sister I do things at specific times because I have a routine.

I'm never sure if I really have the condition when in the self-diagnosed phase. Currently it's bipolar, but I just call it a mood disorder because I'm not yet diagnosed. I only want to get diagnosed when the condition is serious and it's pretty damn serious.

Regarding people who self-diagnose and don't get an official diagnosis: it's expensive, it might stop them from getting a job, or into the army and they might just feel better finding out they could have it but don't really require a diagnosis for treatment and to be put on special services. This forum is a great place for us to meet and talk about what it's like living with autism. That includes people who feel different and relate to Asperger's but don't think they require a diagnosis. I'm actually glad they're here, because they teach me what it's like to have AS mildly. Even on a mild level it's still impairing for them. There's relationship problems because they are high functioning enough to date and have lots of friends, and may have more independence. They could have anxiety and depression as well.

I don't feel that comfortable with "official" psychological diagnoses. It seems to me they're just guesses most of the time. At least that's been my experience.

I remember the first time I was diagnosed with anxiety--I filled out a checklist and five minutes later was told I needed antidepressants. I was shocked. I later learned this is a fairly standard practice.

Another psychiatrist said only to take the drugs if I felt that I needed them. He put the onus back on my own observation of my condition.

Still another said he thought I might have ADHD. He told me to try Ritalin and if I seemed to feel better, that probably meant I had it. I related this to a therapist who refused to believe that a professional could be so cavalier. Then she referred me to still another psychiatrist who proposed the same "experimental" diagnosis with a different medication!

The following is simply a guess (as I am by no means an expert on human behavior)...

I think a thread like his makes someone quit because it leads them to question the fundamental ways in which that person identifies with the world as a human being.

While I don't interact with a lot of people in the real world, I have found that at work (which is where I interact with others the most), it seems that most people establish a world view based upon a platform of beliefs. These beliefs are layered, one atop another. Sometimes, the lower-level beliefs are based upon a series of flawed assumptions. If you are able to successfully attack one of those lower layered assumptions, the person's entire world view (and, I suppose, their identity?) falls apart leading that individual to become a shadow of who they were. Rather than do that, they either attack the person questioning those flawed assumptions or they simply retreat.

I am guessing (and, it’s only a guess) this is why people "hang around" others who share their world view. First, it is comforting. Second, it becomes self-reinforcing.

I am also guessing that people avoid me, because I have a tendency to attack their flawed assumptions. This is not to be mean or rude. It’s simply my automatic mode of operation. During the last couple of years, I have tried to better regulate/control that better (by constantly reminding myself to keep my thoughts to myself).

Again, I am not an expert in this area. And, I could be very wrong.

As an older Aspie, you might come here provide advice to younger apies so that they can learn from your experiences. But, why would you do that you constantly have to deal with the issue of the accuracy of your diagnosis? As if we don't have enough issues to deal with.

Some of us, like myself, come on here to realize we are not the only ones who are *like* us. I came on here first for support because I realized I was still having meltdowns. I enjoy some of the discussion. Like Facebook, it is some of the only interaction I get with people outside the family. I'm kinda lacking friends....like a lot of people on here. WP is better than FB, though, because most of the discussions are "real", though sometimes heated.

Cognitive dissonance strikes again....

Those that I have met who were self diagnosed, and I am not tarring everyone with the same brush, just those few I have met. These people were no way in Hell on the Spectrum and used it to try and ingratiate themselves with me when everything else they tried failed. I found this to be manipulative, deceitful and offensive.

BTDT - I have no idea if this comment was directed at me. In any event, I am an older Aspie who initially struggled with accepting the accuracy of my diagnosis.

As I thought about it (particularly over the course of this thread), I think I finally get it. It’s not whether your diagnosis (or self-diagnosis) is correct. After all, does the label really matter? What’s more important is really understanding and accepting yourself.

I know, for me, I struggled with understanding myself. For me, my “self observation” (of who I was as a human being) was severely flawed. Oh, I knew of my behavior. And, I have a pretty good recall of events from my past. But, I never was able to take a step backwards and get that objective understanding of who I am -- “from the outside”. And, for me, understanding that, has been a key step to really “knowing” myself.

And that (first “knowing” myself and more importantly, accepting myself) is far more important than having some diagnosis.

All medical diagnosis that are not confirmed by lab or xray or sight are guesses. They are just educated guesses. All psych diagnosis are guesses because there is no lab or xray or visual to confirm them. They are based on observation and on what the patient tells you as well as what others tell you. The only way to confirm a psych dx is to treat for the condition you think they have and if it works, you were probably right.

There is a difference between a guess and an educated guess. Before ultrasound, if you presented with a clinical belly, lower right quadrant pain and tenderness, rebound pain on palpitation and possibly vomiting and fever they took you to the ER and took out your appendix because thats what it looked like. They were guessing. Many times it wasn't the appendix but they were there anyway and you don't need it so they took it out then looked for something else. Most of the time it was though, and it was better to take out a healthy one than let it bust while waiting for the pain to get worse or fever or vomiting to show up. So it's ALL a guess. Well, not orthopedics, but thats a different story. Orthopods have xray to confirm, the rest of them, for the most part, don't. Imaging can help dx a whole lot of things now, as do lab tests, but without the education to make the guess to order the tests, they don't do squat.

So, you can make a guess that you have any psych condition out there, and a psych can make an educated one about it. He stands a better chance of being right because of the education. However, without successful treatment based on his diagnosis, there is no way to know. Also, treatment for many things is the same so he could have been wrong about the actual dx, but in the general vicinity.

"Diagnosis" is a medical term for the naming of an ailment and it's what they base the treatment on. Without being in the medical field, you cannot make an actual diagnosis because you don't have the credentials to do so. You can be right all day long and tell your doctor and everybody else you have something, but he is the only one who can make an official diagnosis, because medicine is the property of those in the medical field. I'm just saying.

Because many of the posters here have been consistently told they are faking their problems or are attention seekers arguments against self diagnosis in general may be received as yet another person invalidating them. Similar situation with Autism/Aspergers is overdiagosed threads. This is probably particular true if a poster specifically cites attention seeking in their post which from my observation occurs more often in Asperger's threads the self diagnosis ones.

It's funny, I could take an attitude with even professionally diagnosed aspies who ask questions like "should I let my friends know?" or even "Should I let my family know?". Sometimes I think "that must be nice". I sure don't have to tell anyone I have autism, they can see it a mile away. But anyone that relates to and deals with asd related difficulties should be at home here I think.

There is only one possibly self diagnosed aspie I dislike who is on another (NT) forum. He's probably 50-60 years old, so that's why I suspect his claims of having aspergers is self dx. It's just that he is such a stereotype, it's more like he read "this is what aspies do" and simply acts out the "symptoms". He really doesn't resemble anyone I have come across here.

I was dx'd in middle age. A lot of older people get diagnosed when they seek therapy about another issue and the therapist notices something after a while. Most of us who weren't diagnosed young and have worked and done the "normal things" in life have learned to "pass" even after we quit having to make an effort to do it and it's second nature you can still notice a thing or two but usually you just write it off as a quirk or something. However, in therapy you spend a good bit of time with a professional who is not only listening to you to help you with your problem but constantly observing you for anything else they think might be going on that could contribute or anything else you just didn't tell them. Sometimes they notice things and bring up AS. That's how it happened with me. So, it's very possible he could be actually diagnosed, but then again it's possible he's not.

Also, older aspies who were dx'd late in life and who pass don't usually come across as autistic. To the untrained eye we may be shy, or weird, or have anxiety or have some other kind of obvious mental thing going on that causes us to be certain ways at certain times, but autistic isn't what comes to mind to most people. If you have done like a lot of us have done and forced yourself to be like everybody else until it was second nature, you still have your autistic stuff going on, you just don't follow your urges or your instinct or whatever you want to call it. You put up with things or make excuses, you force yourself to talk to people smoothly and when you do get tongue tied or do spazz out and be obviously somehow not normal you make excuses and start over. Too much caffiene, nervousness, bad day, etc. You apologize, admit that you went off the rails for a second and try and pick up like you were before. So it's overlooked. You make excuses for your sensory issues. Allergies, eye trouble, headache, etc. You talk about how clumsy you are and make jokes about the way you can't do cartwheels or whatever it is you can't do like walk across a dry well lit floor stone cold sober in a flat room with no furniture without tripping over nothing (me). You don't talk about certain things with people like why you dont like this or have that "phobia" or whatever. You play off saying the wrong things with "I'm up front with people and I expect them to be with me. I may sound like I have no filter or limits to what I say but I think dancing around things is silly" while you are really wishing you hadn't said what you said. You learn to grow a very thick skin so insults or people disliking you will roll off and you miss the very things you should be upset about or you go the other direction and be a perpetually pissed off old fart that nobody can please and it just becomes part of your personality. Nobody else knows whats up with you. But the therapist gets it out of you. They ask why. They ask what would happen if. They ask do you ever, have you ever, do you want to. It's comfortable there, they don't judge and you think your answers, which you never give anybody, might help you with what you came to see them about and then after a while they say "Have you ever heard of Asperger Syndrome?" and then you go off for testing and there it is. You have it. Oh.

It can be traumatic to a kid or young adult to be diagnosed because you don't know how it will effect your life or what you can do. To a middle age person it's usually not, I wouldn't think. You know what you can do and have done and how it has effected you and it's not a progressive disorder so it's not going to get worse. It explains a lot of things about yourself to you. Some of it is just interesting in almost an academic way because you have gotten past a lot of the struggles by then, but some of it is a relief and you learn that some things are not your fault and how to avoid them happening again (meltdowns for being overloaded and needing time alone without being selfish, needing your own way and things being SO OVERLY IMPORTANT ITS INSANE to you, etc) and you figure out how to watch for these things and how to avoid them. You learn that you aren't bad or selfish or childish and then you figure out a plausable reason to use to explain to your family and spouse why you do need something this way or that, or cant to this or that and you make sure you get to do what you have to do to prevent your meltdown or shutdown without pissing off your family, most of whom won't really believe the dx or change any kind of expectation of you at this stage of the game. So, we react differently when we have been dx'd in older years. There wasn't any AS back then for the most part so nobody got dx'd hardly. We were on our own. We did the best we could with what we had. For some who did worse than others there is a lot of regret and bitterness that they could have done better with early intervention, and for others like me there is a relief they weren't diagnosed because we know we never would have tried as hard as we did because it was almost a superhuman effort to change the things we changed like we did and carry it on so long. You aren't changing back, your 'passing' is just part of you now. It's not even 'passing' anymore, it's your personality. So you are there with a huge new piece of information and nothing to do with it. So we can end up acting funny about stuff. Everybody processes it differently.

Also, youll find more of the people diagnosed in adulthood who had to learn to pass and muscle through life as they were with no excuse or help or reason for others to cut them some slack, are like me and advocate very hard for others who have it to work on changing things about themselves to make things easier for them. In a perfect world they wouldn't have to, but we don't live in a perfect world and it's more likely that you will be able to change some things about yourself before the world changes to include and be nice to everybody. So many of us are as*holes about it and give people those "tough love" speeches. We are probably just as hard on the nerves as the bitter ones who blame the lack of a dx for all their troubles in life, and it is to blame for some but probably not all. They hate everybody who was dx'd young and who are getting help. They begrudge anyone accommodations because they never got them so why should anybody else? They will make you want to slap their mothers. They take the stance, many times, that you would expect from a tough love, get up and do it, you can do it, anything is better than nothing, don't give up until you are dead from a natural death or get hit by a bus hardliner like me. So, if this guy is like any of the things I've mentioned, that may be why.

Also, for people who can't get a professional dx because of money or insurance, I would be more prone to thinking they were doing more than just searching for a reason or excuse online or being some form of psychiatric hypochondriac if they were to at least make an appointment and have one visit with a professional and tell them they suspect AS but can't afford a dx and discuss that with the pro. They may never get a pro dx, and may never need one, I didn't. Most adults don't unless they need accommodations or something, so I don't see much need in getting one if you are at a certain level or age, but I think if you suspect it then it would help you greatly to discuss it with a pro one time. You could get a pretty good idea about it by doing that, and it's not life or death anyway anymore, or really quality of life at our age. Now it's a matter of curiosity because if you think you have it, you can still do the things you would do if you had a dx to help your behavior and feelings. If you are wrong it hurts nothing and if you are right it helps maybe. It's just when people start spouting off like a self dx is the same as a pro that bothers me. Also when the self dx'd want to start doing activism as a person on the spectrum. Thats not a good idea. They can do it as a person who suspects themself to be on the spectrum, but I don't like it when they sell themselves as having it when they are only guessing and never even talked to somebody about it. That would be like me going around and trying to speak for autistics who are very low functioning and say that I'm speaking for them from the same place they are coming from. Not at all. I'm not and can't. It's not truthful presentation at all. I'm nitpicking but thats what I do.

I rambled on enough, my new pot of coffee is ready and I'm on a typing on the internet binge.

I was invited to help out at Roses for Autism as an example of a successful older Aspie but that gets into the activism issue you talk about. Instead, I do the best I can to help out, yet keep my actual identity a secret.