just started college..

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and i want to kill myself again. that's not even cynicism talking college is honestly hell on earth
not as bad as high school but at the same time i'm even more lonely at college because at least i had friends in HS. here i'm mostly just by myself since all but 1 of my friends stayed on and i only feel happy when that certain friend is in. i struggle to fit in and feel at pace due to anxiety problems and it's killing my motivation. it also doesn't help that i was put into a course for people with Asperger's and it f*****g sucks the life right outta me. i hardly learn anything new apart from getting to know my classmates. whoop dee f*****g doo. also one of my aspie classmates is really f*****g annoying he's always shouting out the most random and stupid s**t and he normally touches people on the back for literally no f*****g reason at all. he pretty much holds back the class because he acts like an absolute ret*d. my lecturers are also very pretentious and they treat me like a f*****g child. i thought College was all about acting all grown up?? oh wait sorry i can't grow up because i have aspergers and i need smug teachers who think they need to my bloody hand all the time even though i'm more than capable of looking after myself. i'm just so embarrassed about the course i'm in and i'm fed up with being put in special ed all the time. i don't think i'm honestly gonna do anything worthwhile with my life so i'm probably gonna kill myself shortly if things don't improve. also my mum won't let me switch courses because i need the "help" apparently. f*****g horses**t
thanks a lot Autism such a f*****g gift it has been to my life.

sorry if i upset people with the use of the r-word. it's 5 in the morning right now in the UK and im deprived of sleep so i really needed to blow a fuse. also my comma key is broken and im tired so don't bother giving me s**t about my grammar.

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" i was put into a course for people with Asperger's and it f*****g sucks the life right outta me."

I'd say whoever designed that course needs to check in with their students more often. If it's having that effect on you, it's probably not fitting some of the other students, too. And if it is structured to say, match a professor's unproven pet theory about AS/Aspies, well, it could do more harm than good. Is there a counseling center? Do you have a good academic advisor?