First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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Ok I have a question for the NTs. I often say stuff that shopkeepers find offensive, eg they might give a high price and i say something like 'that's BS!' or "no way jose" (I try not to swear but sometimes it just slips out). So when I make a Feux pas is there a way to take it back? Also why on earth do they get so offended? They shouldn't care what I think.

Hi bushratcandy, Honestly I do not think this issue of shopkeepers being offended is a uniquely AS issue. Anyone with a forthright manner will do the same thing. I do it at times and am NT. My motivation is maybe a little different however. I basically like shopkeepers to know when I consider that they are ripping people off. To answer your question though, if someone, anyone is offended by a comment that may be a bit forthright or lacking in tact, the best way to diffuse the situation is with a little humour. Possibly say something like "wow, can't believe buying this item means I will be living on bread and water the rest of the month" or just use the word " Seriously?" After you outburst. This gives the other person a chance to either come back with an agreement, like yes the prices have gone up, or another type of agreement like, " I have to add on my transport costs to get this item here." Hope this helps.

Hello bushratcandy

First post/reply on this site. I am NT (diagnosed/confirmed), well educated, and married to an AS.

I think the reason shopkeepers become offended is that the language and circumstances you describe are those most NT's are taught is indeed "offensive." I live in the US and few shopkeepers would tolerate such and would ask you to leave or possibly call the authorities to have you removed. Awareness of what others might be thinking (or how they are about to act) is an NT trait. It is quite possible they "fear" what might happen next.

It seems likely that if you apologized immediately, in a manner that recognized the nature of the faux pas, you would have a good chance of "getting past" a faux pas. This is what I would do in an attempt to ease the shopkeeper's fears. Displaying what NT's recognize as apathy towards them will likely cause an apathetic response. Even if a business transaction goes through after a harsh beginning you are much less likely to get the full value of the transaction. In short, why would anyone give full value to someone who causes unnecessary work/stress?

Your statement, "they shouldn't care what I think," is indeed accurate. However, I suspect they "care what you think" to the extent necessary to conduct business in the easiest and most pleasant fashion possible. Beyond the transaction, I doubt they have much interest in your thoughts at all. Generally, NT's don't concern themselves with caring about what other NT's think beyond what is necessary for the endeavor at hand.

You forgot Curley!

Why only Moe and Larry?

I left Curley out because the line "Moe, Larry...cheese" is my favorite of the 3 Stooges skits.

Gotcha!

Maybe I should have clarified that I live in South Africa, where shopkeepers, or more accurately shop attendants are frequently probably ruder than the average customer. So i may not be the best person to have answered the above question. Unfortunately to have most transactions processed in an acceptable manner here one needs to have a sense of humour and a thick skin. In fact when one does have the pleasure of being served by a friendly helpful person, one remembers it and is more likely to return there simply because of their customer service. I am married to an AS man, although unless you know him well and are in his inner circle you would not know as he has highly developed coping mechanisms and learnt social skills.. He is more likely to clam up and not say anything when confronted by a rude person than say whatever is on his mind unless of course that person happens to be giving me a hard time, in which case he may be ready to teach that person a lesson in manners. He is protective and caring even if showing the associated emotions are a bit of a challenge for him, but once I knew about Aspergers, I have been able to understand and accept that.

Hello Aspiespouse. I think you wrote a very warm and useful post. I too often use humor in such situations. In the Southern portion of the US (where I live now and was raised) humor is typically accepted openly and in many situations expected and welcomed. I live in what might be best called a "University Town." The main attraction to the area is the University and all its activities. Folks move here from all over the world and culture clash is frequent. Humor tends to soothe the fears of those who must live/work in the University's culture and do daily business with the locals.

This is a great thread idea! I have a question for anyone with AS: is it common to have difficulties with sleep, and/or very vivid dreams? My boyfriend has AS and he has the most intense dreams I've ever heard of, and remembers so much of them. Also, he seems to have a different sleep pattern where he wakes up every few hours. I just wondered if this is unique to him or typical of AS. Thank you!

I know a lot of Aspies have trouble with sleep; luckily, I am not one of them. As for dreams, though, I thought it was common for us to have very boring, monotonous dreams. For example, I recently had a dream where I was brushing my teeth. That's it.

Question for NTs: Why do so many of you constantly break the law even though you've been told countless times that it can have dire consequences? For example, speeding, not wearing a seat belt, underage drinking, drugs, etc. This stuff gets hammered into people's heads during their adolescent years, but it's still so inexplicably common. What is it that makes people want to do that stuff? I hope I'm not coming across as condescending here, because that's not my intention; this is just something that has baffled me for years, and I've never gotten a clear answer as to why these acts are done so often when the consequences have been stated time and again.