Recently Diagnosed, How Do I Tell Family?

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So I've been diagnosed with ASD recently, after going to therapy for a while for what I thought typical post-partum stuff. It didn't surprise me because it was something I had suspected for a while (but had pushed to the back of my mind because I thought I was being silly and just making excuses for myself). I've told some "friends" and they didn't take me seriously. Even my husband has had a hard time coming around to it (though I think now he's really seeing all of my quirks and meltdowns for what they are). I'm traveling back home in a few days and would like to tell my parents then. They don't even have a clue that I've been seeing a therapist. I need to tell them because I need their support. I can't help but care what they think. In fact, between them and my hubs, they're the only people who's opinions matter. My parents aren't the most educated people out there. They don't realize it's a spectral disorder. They also have a tendency of blowing things out of proportion, which results in them shutting themselves off to reason and fact. I know they will question my psychologist's diagnosis. And they will have a hard time taking me seriously because I will probably end up having a meltdown (to which their usual reaction is to not take what I'm saying seriously because I'm obviously in a bad mood and being dramatic). I need to bypass all of this. How can I go about telling them? Keep in mind they have no idea what autism really is. How do I convince them? How did you do it?

Have a third party tell them. Whether its an informative short video on autism that you get them to watch, or a friend, or your husband(assuming you have got him to the point of understanding necessary to explain ASD to someone else). Even a written letter by yourself can sometimes act like a third party and helps bypass other's ability to ignore you.

My parents don't know, as they don't believe things like Aspergers exist and people just use them as an excuse.

So needless to say, I did not tell them and do not plan on it, though some family members do know.

I like the third-party suggestion.

Also, here's what you can do if you're nearing meltdown. Leave, tossing over your shoulder "I'll be back in a little while."

Remember that they may have some aspie traits themselves, so if you were an aspie parent, how would you like the news broken to you? They may have rigid, inflexible ideas, black and white thinking for instance. They may resist change. They may need the volume to be quite low. And so on.

I like the third party suggestion too. Maybe the therapist or your husband could tell them? Should you tell them in person or over the phone? I would definitely have husband on hand if you do it in person.

I wrote my Mom a letter and had my therapist review it first, then sent it through email. I included a couple of links that had a list of the symptoms. I pointed out that this was not her fault and that I was just born that way. In my case, it was pretty clear that my Dad had it too (he passed away years ago). Mom was skeptical at first, but once she read the list, she agreed that Dad and I had it, and that she might have it too!

I'm not sure what works best for you--I put a lot of scholarly stuff in my letter because my Mom's is a retired teacher and she respects research, but the third party solution may work well for you, if you think they are more likely to listen to another person.

Another alternative--deliver the letter in person and have them read it in front of you, if you think that you'll have trouble getting the news out without melting down. I had to write a letter because I get very tongue-tied and stutter when I'm nervous, and can even go nonverbal briefly.

If I were you, I wouldn't tell them. They will still give you support. People just don't get ASD. It's a whole education... a long education. Telling someone you have a something going on with you they they can't see, but now I need more... understanding from you, just doesn't cut it for most people.

You made a kinda poetic malapropism, when you wrote, "My parents aren't the most educated people out there. They don't realize it's a spectral disorder." You meant autism spectrum disorder... I think.

spec·tral
of or like a ghost.
synonyms: ghostly, phantom, wraithlike, shadowy, incorporeal, insubstantial, disembodied, unearthly, otherworldly; informal spooky
"a spectral figure darting about in a purplish fog"

I wonder if it could be explained while avoiding the term or whole concept of Autism? Just stick with calling it Aspergers and talk about the social aspects or issues you have, but do not bring up Autism as a part of it at all and don't refer the Autism Spectrum or 'High Functioning Autism'.

For some reason, people won't believe you because they think Autism can only apply to Low Functioning people, those who are nearly catatonic, or essentially like the guy from the movie Rainman.

I think you might want to weigh up, if your parents will finally accept that you have ASD and how stressful the process will be for you too. As above, some people will just reject the concept completely. (This is my experience.)

It might be better to break it down and focus on each of your most prominent individual traits first, talk about one trait in one meeting. After you have covered the main topics, bring the whole thing together and present it as ASD, Aspergers, whatever you choose to call it. It might seem to be a long way round, but it could reduce the stress for you and them. This avoids the shock factor of dropping the A(utistic) bomb in their laps.

Oh I love it! I didn't intend for it to read that way, but if I stretch my imagination, it creates a nice metaphor. To call ASD a specter isn't completely incorrect, since both can be present but not seen.

But I didn't mean it in that sense. I do still mean the word as 'of the spectrum', which thanks to my buddy Google, I now know for sure is an accepted, though secondary use of the term.