My brother doesn't acknowledge his big issues

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My brother with asperger's is 20 years old, he works with computers and is incredibly great at it, but he has really bad social skills, virtually no irl friends and spends all his free time in his attic apartment with his obsessions. I also have asperger's so I understand him and we're good friends, but he doesn't get along well with my parents any more because he can't see that they're trying to help him by buying him books on how to act appropriately at work and telling him that he has to work on his problems. My brother just gets angry and refuses to talk to them, he thinks everyone else is stupid except him and those of us in his little circle of associates and that he has no issues at all, that the world is just stupid. What can I do to get him to understand that he does have a disability without making him angry at me? Has anyone else gone through a period of denial like that? Cause he has been in it for years and I worry that it will never pass and that he will end up alienating the world and become really miserable and alone.

If he is self-supporting at a job he enjoys, has a small circle of people to talk to, and has space and time to pursue his special interests, then he is a successful Aspie. Maybe you and your family should leave him alone to enjoy his life instead of insisting he work on the issues he still has.

He is probably happy with his obsessions alone which is not wrong and probably he has been taught that these things are just given to him which is wrong. You can't undo 20 years of training quickly especially with people for whom change is difficult. First thing he needs to be taught is that things need to be earned. Just require he do things around the house if he wants obtain things to pursue his interests. Once he gets the concept he needs to sacrifice a bit to get stuff then the concept of going to work to get more stuff requires more sacrifice will not be as difficult. Only by interacting with people over a period time will it be possible for him to understand that bieng different does not mean bieng superior. Professional help will be needed even if it is just for you guys if he refuses it. I would throw out language like appropriate, disability and just present social skills as something needed to persue a strategy just like the computer skills he needed to figure out the best way to persue his interests of if he plays computer games to defeat his opponents.

Even though I identify with AS, and he sounds like me... I don't consider bad social skills and obsessions as a disability, not unless it severely influences his ability to keep a job.

As someone who is in the same boat... I don't like the idea of trying to force someone to gain "social skills" because its normal. In my case that would just bad feelings all around. I figured this out a couple of months ago after leaving my last job (production line... very social environment, unable to cope really) and before I knew what AS was. And from my POV, its taken YEARS (10+ years) around various people to even begin coping with other people. And even then, its limited.

I also think that other people are stupid, unless you prove otherwise. I think this is because most of the people I deal with arnt grown up (mentally) and can't hold a conversation without it turning into some dumb joke involving potty humor or sex....

If he's able to hold a job, why are you trying to change him? Trust me when I say that that can cause some hard feelings all around and will make him more miserable than "being alone". He has internet friends, that may be enough for him.

Change is hard for autistics. Sounds like your brother has managed two really big steps, moving out to an attic apartment and getting job. Now that he has a job, I think he is entitled to some "me" time for his achievements.

Male Aspies are too young to date at 20. Not only does it take longer for us to mature socially--which he will do given time in the workplace, but many women would prefer to date someone who is five to ten years older--and there is nothing he can do about that but wait until he gets older.

I am confused with the phrase "works with computers" . Everybody else is interpreting it as having a paying job working as a consultant in his attic. I interpreted it as as tinkering with computers all day not for money. If he is making money, enough to be happy there is no need to change a thing.

A consulting job is is better in many ways for those on the spectrum then cooperate, but you still need social skills to gain and retain clients. A lot of times what a clients say they want and what the client really wants are two different things. That is often because the client is stupid about how software can be best used for them. That does not mean the client is stupid overall. Constantly underestimating people is a sure way to fail. You end bitter and frustrated wondering how all these stupid people are doing better then you all the time.

Thank you for all the answers
Just to clarify for AsPartOfMe: My brother works at a computer firm building programs to support email addresses or something like that, so he has a paying job that requires him to go somewhere else rather than sitting at home, which is really the best we could hope for