do you enjoy being with other people?

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ResilientBrilliance
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26 Nov 2015, 8:49 pm

It was here on WrongPlanet, about 2 years ago, that I first came across the term "emotional connection." And it wasn't until last month that it dawned on me that people feel good when talking to other people. They talk to people because they enjoy it. The same way I might like going for a walk, they like chit chat with people. Like you, I found it hard to believe. I do not enjoy being with other people at all. In fact it makes me very uncomfortable, tired, and other negative feelings. I'm not going to feel guilty about that. Even if people didn't make me anxious, I still do not feel a connection with anyone.

I understand what you mean by enjoying an activity more than enjoying the people. I joined a sports team in college for fun and fitness. Making connections with my teammates didn't even enter my mind. But yeah I learned the hard way that they were there to socialize and that being on the team is secondary. One girl even asked me once why did I join the team. I ended up leaving the team soon since it seemed that I was weird for being more interested in the sport than bonding or whatever.



Omerik
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26 Nov 2015, 8:55 pm

It depends which people.

As a child I was "strange" for wanting to be alone while having friends over. I can remember that.



C2V
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26 Nov 2015, 10:14 pm

I think it depends on the situation, me, and the other people. At times it may make whatever I'm doing more enjoyable if I'm with someone I like well enough or find to be a interesting person, plus being in company can provide social lubrication for situations you are expected to be in company - like eating out or going to movies.
I'm always holding out hope that by interacting with and being around others I can learn something valuable or interesting from them and be exposed to new ideas. This is by no means the norm unfortunately. I also tend to want to be around others out of boredom/stir craziness - if I have nothing to occupy me and am alone and bored stiff I'll be more likely to want to interact to provide distraction.
But what you're talking about - a feeling of connection and pleasure just being in close proximity to other people? I'm the reverse.


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Deb1970
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28 Nov 2015, 8:37 pm

Because people always read my facial expressions wrong I prefer to be with them in short intervals. They always think I'm sad, mad, or tense in my expressions. I would like to be around people but they just stress me out too much. And being touched causes me to automatically stiffen up. Even getting my nails done causes this. I'm always told to relax and not be so tense. Easier said then done. I'm in my 40's now and my face is wrinkling prematurely because my facial muscles are so tense. My forehead has been wrinkled since I was 30. Even now my forehead is tense. I don't know why it is, it just is.


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em_tsuj
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29 Nov 2015, 10:52 pm

I hate being around people. The only way I can tolerate it is in short doses with little interaction. I think being alone and getting lost in my special interests makes me feel the way NT people feel when interacting with others.



Lockheart
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30 Nov 2015, 2:40 am

ResilientBrilliance wrote:
It was here on WrongPlanet, about 2 years ago, that I first came across the term "emotional connection." And it wasn't until last month that it dawned on me that people feel good when talking to other people. They talk to people because they enjoy it.


Odd notion, isn't it. :D Even with the closest friends I've had over the years I can still feel a bit on edge. I recently saw one of those friends interacting with someone else, so effortlessly and warm. She obviously wasn't in any way reserved in that interaction and neither was the other person. I confess I felt a bit jealous because I don't feel that with people and I wish I could.

ResilientBrilliance wrote:
I understand what you mean by enjoying an activity more than enjoying the people.


I understand that completely, too.



andrethemoogle
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30 Nov 2015, 11:32 am

I don't like being near others unless it's my mom and to a certain extent my dad.



kraftiekortie
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30 Nov 2015, 11:47 am

I like to have ACCESS to other people......speak to them when I feel like it (while not using them!)

But, all in all, I like my own company better than the company of other people.

I am delighted when I walk deserted streets, thereby allowing me to howl like a Wolfman at will :mrgreen:



zkydz
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30 Nov 2015, 12:08 pm

I spent the entire holiday in my studio working on models and stinking up the place with spray paint enamels and lacquer. The Thanksgiving holiday is great because from Wednesday afternoon until Monday nobody bothers you. I do feel for my wife though. Fortunately, not being American, the holiday holds no special meaning and for her, it was business as usual.

So, yeah, I like my special interests and my alone time with them. Seems to run in the family. My Grandfather, my Father, my brother, me, my Son and Grandson. Friendly, but not sociable.


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TheNameless
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30 Nov 2015, 12:33 pm

I get major anxiety whenever I know I have to spend time with people, even family. I'm only relaxed around my children and husband. I'm generally polite and talk as much as I have to but deep down I'm just counting down until I can leave or they leave.



Varelse
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30 Nov 2015, 1:16 pm

I enjoy being with some people, sometimes. I need a lot more alone time than most people I know. And I've never gotten used to people talking to me "just to talk".

I also have weird reactions even when I do enjoy the company of others. A pleasant half hour conversation with a stranger or a casual acquaintance might make me happier initially, and yet still leave me so drained of energy that I'll hide away in my home for two days afterwards.

On the other hand, I can enjoy working with other people with far fewer problems - because the focus is on accomplishing a common goal, and not on "being with other people". I'll still collapse for hours once I get away, and I still prefer working alone most of the time, but it's not as draining as the purely informal social interactions.



goatfish57
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30 Nov 2015, 1:39 pm

Varelse wrote:
I enjoy being with some people, sometimes. I need a lot more alone time than most people I know. And I've never gotten used to people talking to me "just to talk".

I also have weird reactions even when I do enjoy the company of others. A pleasant half hour conversation with a stranger or a casual acquaintance might make me happier initially, and yet still leave me so drained of energy that I'll hide away in my home for two days afterwards.

On the other hand, I can enjoy working with other people with far fewer problems - because the focus is on accomplishing a common goal, and not on "being with other people". I'll still collapse for hours once I get away, and I still prefer working alone most of the time, but it's not as draining as the purely informal social interactions.


Thank you, that sounds like me. I spend days processing and analyzing all my encounters. I still have a headache from Thanksgiving. Work and activities are easier, less time to decompress.


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Last edited by goatfish57 on 30 Nov 2015, 3:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

kazanscube
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30 Nov 2015, 3:52 pm

Well, sincerely I'd like to be around people though at times in a conversational manner I just can't do it cause, I tend to get very nervous not knowing the properly executed social norms and all. Even though I'm here at the library a favorite place of mine and there are people within close proximity of me I'm not seemingly go into a talkative mode. I simply keep to myself whenever I'm in social scenarios for the most part.


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nick007
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01 Dec 2015, 1:26 am

I love being with my girlfriend but other than that: I enjoy being with people sometimes but mostly in small doses.


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02 Dec 2015, 3:43 pm

I sort of know you're supposed not only to spend time with other people, but also to enjoy it. This makes me doubly guilty: I've never socialized enough, and, what little I have, I didn't enjoy.


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02 Dec 2015, 3:59 pm

Sometimes. And when I do it's pretty great. But a lot/most of the time I don't. It is, however, something to do with my time.


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