Accepting what you missed in life

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Well, I missed out on life, in that I was diagnosed late in life whereabouts the many opportunities both of an educational and occupational nature tended to elude me up until this point. I'm not able to revise the past simply acknowledging the fact, I was one of many whom fell through the cracks but, I'm trying to make up for all of the as best as possible and press onwards too..

I have enjoyed reading these above posts.
I live with aspergers and was diagnosed at age 55, Just 12 months ago.
I have experienced a lot of self hate over the fact that I am different.
I can't make friends and that really gets to me.

I've missed ALOT in life because of this and never had the normal childhood and adolescence life and experiences I wish I had but I'm hoping that the rest of my life gets better and I could somehow compensate for all the things I didn't do.

...Yeah .

It's never too late. I too have regrets about things I wish I had done differently, or that my life could generally have been better, but thinking about these things distracts me from the only real goal I have now, and that is to have one day in my life where I am truly happy, free of regrets, sadness, or self loathing- even if it is the last day of my life!

I've always excepted it cuz it's all I've known. I have lots of disabilities in addition to my Asprgers that really limit me my whole life so I had no choice to to accept it.

The thing that bugs me the most is I missed having a family. I will never be a father because I am short and have asperger's... either one would be forgivable, but not both... I can't even donate sperm. The world should burn for this.

I missed thousands of buses. Wait, never mind, let's not get on the bus, it is a silly place.

You could hire a surrogate or find a teenager who's pregnant & cant keep her kid but doesn't want to have an abortion & offer to pay her medical bills if she lets you adopt the baby.

I've often lamented over stuff like...

1. Never racing in a Soap Box Derby or getting to build such a car.
2. Never landing the role of the "prince" in the Nutcracker ballet.
3. Never getting elected a Cub Scout youth leader called a "denner".
4. Never getting to appeare in a "big-screen" motion picture, even as an "extra".
5. Never having a "one-man show" of my artwork.

I don't know if I would now call it "acceptance", but I've learned over the years I have to replace the "missing out misery" thoughts with "pride in accomplishment" thoughts regarding things I HAVE DONE that others might be envious of.
This is the only advice I can offer those struggling with voids in their pasts that might be "eating" at them.

At one time I used to rue the fact that I had never been to a nightclub. But now I have resigned myself to being a social misfit for my entire life.

I could take or leave nightclubs. Rest assured they're usually terrible - a good rave's a good rave no matter the venue.

So you're envious of this guy?




Pride and envy are sins, and I've learned that just replacing one sin with an other only perpetuates the misery more. It sounds like to me that you want to be better then everyone else. And it that's part that making your life miserable, Not the fact that you missed out on things.

I never went to a high school prom.

I didn't see the point. A friend of mine was upset because no one had invited her to the prom and I was like, "why is this important?"

So I did miss out on a "normal" adolescent experience, but so what.

I'm sorry that more of the things that I tried to do never came to positive fruition, and I do see this was a result of my ASD; but at least I tried, and I give myself credit for that. I have no relationship at all with my son, but I do have a nice relationship with my daughter. My first marriage ended in divorce; I'm confident my second is "till death do us part."

No prom for me, either.

Nightclubs are a dime a dozen.

I sort of regret not having children.

Thanks L.L. for posting that news story. I very much admire that dude and YES I'm also naturally envious of him. Though he and I both share being on the spectrum, the reason I was never cast for a "partnering" role in the Nutcracker ballet (ala the prince) had nothing to do with my ASD, but was entirely as a result of my build. I don't believe any respected dance company would ever be ready to exhibit a short and stocky prince that would have to look UP at most of the females on the stage, even when they weren't "en pointe" regardless of how accurately the "moves" could be carried out. I suspect most artistic directors would rather cast a tall and slender crossdressed female for that role than a male with my proportions. If you look at the Aspie dancer, it's clear he's got the right physique for the part, which I never would have posessed, even in my younger years. FWIW, I began ballet classes not that much earlier that the subject of the video, but in my case as therapy for my clumsiness, and most who knew me initially thought I'd hate them. Not the case as it turned out. I ended up staying active in dance productions as late as around age 35.
With that said, my envy and regrets are NOT making my life miserable, however equating pride with sin would indeed accomplish that for me. So would the belief that excelling in something requires "besting" all your peers in that area. Thus it is very appropriate for me as well as my self esteem to treat the weakness of my envy with the strength of honouring my own achievements. In regards to that #2 of my lamentation list, I'm free to tell myself, "so I would have made an oddball looking Nutcracker prince, but I still looked way awesome dressed for the role of Fritz Stahlbaum when I was younger, and also the wind-up soldier in later years."
Being totally non-religious, I've concluded that in order for a "sin" to occur, it must involve victimisation of another being. I have to believe that despite the negativity of an issue like envy, it would take a rash act like traveling all the way to Tampa and pulling a "Tonya Harding" on that dancer dude to constitute my definition of "sin", as it's clearly the wrong way of dealing with the matter of the "missing out" feeling. Instead, I watch him practise in the video and choose to fondly recall MY OWN days in the dance studio, genuinely hoping he'll have as much fun in ballet as I did. My position on this subject is perhaps summed up best in this William DeVaughn song released way back in 1974 which was around the time I began taking interest in ballet classes...

Some may want to call my attitude "ego", but it's still the right course of action for me.