Relationship based on lies - feeling inferior

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Hello, guys and girls. I'm looking for some insight - or at least to get something off my chest. For many years I suffered from low self esteem.
You know the feeling. Seeing everyone getting on with their lives,
finishing their education, finding love, getting a good job. Feeling like like a legless runner trying to catch up in a race where "everyone else"
was given a head start - an you're lagging more and more behind. When you have ambitions for love, happiness and success but find yourself a social pariah.
Once bullied and ridiculed now ignored and cast out. Finding that most people are not willing to give you a chance and those who do go from liking you to hating you.
The more people got under my skin, the more they resented me for realizing I'm not like them. There are ways to deal with this.
I figured that if everyone else has the upper hand, why play by the rules. Why be honest to people who's only going scorn you for it.
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There's this sense of pride and entitlement that comes with being told that you're so intelligent most of your life.
Having an incredible hard time concentrating, organizing. No accomplishments to match those IQ scores, a mix of bitterness and resentment fo
r people who are perceived as less intelligent - yet has accomplishments to boast about.
Feeling ignored by girls for years. Never cracked the code until I realized how competitive the dating marked is.
Even average guys problems finding love, then realizing that girls think of dating an average guy as "settling".
Point being. My value in the dating market is low. Even so I did manage to find someone. I met this girl whilst on holiday and we've had a long distance relationship for almost a year (with me visiting).
I made the mistake of not being honest to her because I figured It wouldn't really help my "game" to say that I've been trying to get a bachelor degree for 5 years, has no job,
been struggling with depression and that I don't even have a driving license. So I lied when asked about all of those.




She has a masters, been contacted by facebook for a job. Very driven, ambitious, travels a lot, has a lot of friends, a close relationship with her parents.
So many plans. In the beginning I felt kind of intellectually superior to her.
She'd always tell me how intrigued she was by my intelligence, I'd always have the answer to any question, great sense of humor and never failed to make her laugh.
Naturally women want the guy to have an upper hand and she's no exception she likes when I feel confident, but actually I'm starting to realize how brilliant this girl is.
She's actually really smart AND works so hard. Really, she's one of a kind - at least I'd be lucky to find better, probably I won't.

We have a really good chemistry and she's really in love with me. Truth is though, I don't have a masters degree and I don't have a job.
I can barely afford visiting her. She's making plans for us to move together - but I wouldn't get a job outside my country.
She's so adaptable and flexible, while I'm so uselessly rigid. The only reason she hasn't realized how messed up I am is because we haven't spent more than a 3-4 weeks together in total over a year.
She hasn't seen how messy my room is, how I'm doing basically nothing every day. Having barely no friends - and even if she met them they know I'm not employed. Though she might have accepted that I'm a loser and rather
love me for our incredible chemistry - there's no way she'd accept all those elaborate lies. Honestly I find it hard to stop as well,
just getting more and more stuck in a web of lies, whilst falling more and more in love with this girl. I find it incredibly hard to be honesty, and quite frankly I couldn't bring myself to saying "uh you know what..
I have Aspergers so you'd be better off dating some 15 year old kid who can at get a job at McDonald." . I guess the advice I'd get is "you don't deserve" her or be honest.
Apart from being dishonest about my insecurities I've treated this girl like a princess, there's a reason why she loves me,
but I do understand that this love is bittersweet and at the same time I'm acting selfish because I'm so hopelessly drugged on these emotions. Anyone had similar experiences?

Not all women want that. Some women would rather be with an equal, and some want the upper hand over the guy.

Maybe she truly loves you and she would love you just the same if she knew the truth. But you haven't given her that chance which is incredibly unfair to her and unfair to yourself to. If you don't deserve her, it's because of the lying. Not because of the things you feel you have to lie about. But I think it's her call whether you deserve her or not, not anyone else's.

It's likely the truth will come out eventually, either she will figure it out, or you'll confess or someone else will tell her. It would be best if it comes from you.

It sounds like you understand how wrong this is so I won't harp on that. What worries me is if you let things go on like this, it is going to devastate you emotionally. No matter what happens, you've got to live with yourself and who you really are. Even if she loves and accepts you in spite of everything it's not going to fix how you feel about yourself and your life. In the long run, lying about who you are is just going to make you feel worse.