Does it help to 'accept' being alone forever?

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BrainPower101
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31 Dec 2015, 7:17 pm

Don't accept it!

Despite what you hear, keep fighting and do your own research on body language and treatments for social issues..
Did you hear about the Sulforaphane experiment they did? It improved social behaviors on Autistic children and adults..

I take Paxil and it did wonders for my social anxiety, at one time I thought I wasn't even autistic anymore but I guess it stopped working but I'm still working on myself and researching ways to combat it..

Believe me, I was a guy who didn't even leave my house but now I go to bars and am much more comfortable.



existentialterror
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31 Dec 2015, 9:28 pm

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Well, it sounds like friendships and other relationships is an area of ongoing concern for you. So could you go to the meeting and say this is an area of coping where I am having some difficulty?

You have to start somewhere, and it sounds like what you have been doing up till now is not working.

What kind of mental health care are you getting, and how are you funded for medical insurance?


I'm seeing a counselor and psychiatrist, which are both covered by my insurance. That is a good idea, mentioning this problem in the meeting. Who knows, maybe someone in the group will relate. The difficulty I have is going alone at night to these things...it is sooo depressing, when I feel that there is a 99% chance I will go home alone. But I guess I do have to start somewhere....



BeaArthur
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31 Dec 2015, 9:49 pm

existentialterror wrote:
That is a good idea, mentioning this problem in the meeting. Who knows, maybe someone in the group will relate. The difficulty I have is going alone at night to these things...it is sooo depressing, when I feel that there is a 99% chance I will go home alone. But I guess I do have to start somewhere....


I hope I'm not misunderstanding .... do you want to go home from a support group meeting with someone from the group? Did you mean you hoped to hit it off with someone there, or are you just concerned about your safety after dark?


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existentialterror
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01 Jan 2016, 8:03 pm

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I hope I'm not misunderstanding .... do you want to go home from a support group meeting with someone from the group? Did you mean you hoped to hit it off with someone there, or are you just concerned about your safety after dark?


I was hoping to go home with someone from the group (as I don't drive). Hoping to hit it off with someone there too. Safety isn't a concern, as I could easily get myself to/fro without needing to drive.



BeaArthur
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01 Jan 2016, 9:55 pm

You could hope that, but not seriously expect it. If you want to pick up a mate, try singles' dances or speed dating. If you want to get and give support for one's autism or depression issues, go to a support group.

I wouldn't preclude ever connecting with a boyfriend at the group, but if you go in with that agenda, I don't see how you can be honest about your problems.


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CryptoNerd
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31 Jan 2016, 1:45 pm

You don't need to accept being alone forever. Just accept that you are alone for now, and don't obsess over finding other people. Learn to be happy on your own, and just tell yourself that love and friendship will come to you when you're ready.



AlanScott
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04 Feb 2016, 8:01 pm

Ah well:-(.



Ashariel
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05 Feb 2016, 10:27 am

Jacoby wrote:
I would say most people that are "happy" alone have some other sort of connection that satisfies them or are experiencing a 'fox and the grapes' type of cognitive dissonance.


This describes me. I've always preferred imaginary friends, and my experiences in trying to bond with other humans have been so miserable that I have zero desire to ever try that again.

And yet, I'm very happy, and never lonely, so I'm grateful that solitude works for me. :)



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05 Feb 2016, 10:54 am

I think you have to be comfortable with being alone, rather than focus on finding someone to fill the void in your life. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else.


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24 Feb 2020, 10:28 pm

Jacoby wrote:
I would say most people that are "happy" alone have some other sort of connection that satisfies them or are experiencing a 'fox and the grapes' type of cognitive dissonance.


i miss my husband very badly.


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Eimaj98
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28 Feb 2020, 7:09 am

I think it helps to learn to become satisfied with your own company, theres always someone out there for you though so never give up hope.

Personally I see it like if it happens then great but if it doesn't then I'm not particularly bothered.



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28 Feb 2020, 7:46 am

I have always had moderate success with going to interest/hobby groups and sticking at them. Expecting to go along and 'click' with someone the first time (or even second or third) is unrealistic for me. Other people seem to do that, and I'm baffled by their ability to do so, but I get to know people and make friends a lot more slowly and that's okay.

So if I'm wanting to be more social I find something I want to do with the expectation that a 'win' is probably just having a some pleasant friendly conversations and enjoying the activities. If I start developing relationships from there-great. But if not, that's not a failure, it's still an activity I can get out and do and be friendly with people if not be friends. I made quite a few friends at uni because I went to a society meet up every week without fail, which led to being invited to doing tangentially related social occasions outside of the society etc, and I ended up house sharing with someone from there too, but it did take time. I'm actually not massively social most of the time (I like my alone time and don't really get lonely) but I'm currently attending a craft group and feel like I'm starting to feel like I'm starting to make friends with people there after maybe half a dozen times going (the last time no one turned up because of the weather except one other lady-and i thought she was going to leave because she wasn't going to want to hang out with just me-but actually she said she was really glad I was there and she did stay and we talked and did crafty things with just the two of us and it was really nice).



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28 Feb 2020, 4:32 pm

Personally I don't think I could stand accepting I was going to be alone forever. Sometimes when I've been alone for a few days I've wished it didn't bother me, but even though I've had a lot of times like that, it's always bothered me, I've never felt quite complete that way. I can't imagine I'm ever going to feel differently about it. I think most humans (even most Aspies) have a drive for company. I've sometimes felt a strong desire to be permanently shut of the rest of the human race, but only when the problems of dealing with the buggers are severely taxing me. Once the pressure they give me is removed I soon calm down and come to my senses.



AprilR
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28 Feb 2020, 4:36 pm

You're never alone though. Chances are there are lots of people in your position but because of where you live and your circumstances you don't know about their existence. I didn't know there were so many autistic people when i was a child who hated herself. I never even dreamt there was a single person who went through the pain i went through but there were actually people who went through it, even worse.

You're always a part of human race, with the struggles. Living is struggling.



Jakki
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28 Feb 2020, 8:44 pm

Eimaj98 wrote:
I think it helps to learn to become satisfied with your own company, theres always someone out there for you though so never give up hope.

Personally I see it like if it happens then great but if it doesn't then I'm not particularly bothered.


had written on here once before , That you are your own best friend,
(PS: so treat yourself like it ). loolz.

Sorry: prefers Saab Sonnet


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Dear_one
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29 Feb 2020, 2:04 am

I once attended a distant event just to meet a couple who were also going. They had both given up on ever meeting a partner, but then they reached for the same book in a store and were still talking two hours later, so they changed their minds. I also have a pen-pal who complained of former wives, and had another marriage during our friendship in which I thought he was rather hopeless, but now he seems to have found the perfect partner.