Why is there so much drama on these forums?

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DestinedToBeAPotato
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11 Feb 2016, 1:14 pm

EzraS wrote:
DestinedToBeAPotato wrote:
Completely agree, dude. I did not expect to come to a forum occupied by "autistic purists", its either they invalidate the experience of HFA/Aspergers or they imvalidate the experiences of women on the spectrum because apparently "easier" being a female autistic person. I acknowledge, of course that it is not everyone here, I have encountered more nice people than I have mean people, in fact this forum is one of the nicest forums I have encountered. There are arguments here and there but they get resolved in most cases.

However, there has been a laughable increase in such posts that have been described by OP and I absolutely abhor the. Everyone has a right to an opinion, of course but the moment you make posts that ooze with righteousness and pretension and basically say in other words: "your experiences do not align with mine.. MY personal experience is THE EPITOME of the autistic experience and I therefore have the authority to decide whether your experience is valid or not. You know despite not knowing you on a personal level and disregarding the fact that autism is a SPECTRUM of different experiences". At the end of such silly posts these people either threaten to leave the forum to go somewhere "better" and more suited, and I say fair enough.. leave if you want to, I guess. You can't stay where you're unhappy, right? But then what gets me, is that when called out on.. Excuse my language, their BS logic. They will throw a strop and whinge about people "silencing them". I guess the motto "talk s**t, get hit" is very much applicable in these situations. If you have verbal diarrhoea online or in real life, don't be surprised if you get some liquid s**t on your blouse/shirt. I am inclined to believe that the people who make such posts are either extremely frustrated with their own lives and have therefore decided to take it out on those who they perceive to be doing "better" than them out of spite or jealousy or they're trolling and are purposely causing distress and annoyance to users who fit the apparent high functioning criteria because it probably amuses them when chaos ensues and everyone gets enraged, and argues non-stop.

These autism functionality threads go absolutely nowhere, I believe they serve the function of "trolling" or in some extreme cases "griefing". I say users who will most likely be annoyed by such threads should avoid them like the plague. It's not worth surrounding yourself with such negativity.. :/ I don't like negativity very much... (the irony is that my post is most certainly negative in nature. XD)

Edit: Just to clarify, I am not specifically criticising EzraS or ZombieBride, I have come to understand why they said those things and it's frustrations that every teenager experiences, it's a little more heightened when you have autism. It's kind of the same way we envy Neurotypicals too.

I guess this post degenerated into a generalised rant about all the posts I saw that fit into this criteria.


A lot of the stuff you said I was not really aware of or only vaguely aware of. Like the thing about females with autism. There have been plenty of girls in my school. One of the people I have identified with the most here is a female with Aspergers. Every time she posts a problem I am me too 100%. Me and ZombieBride just stuck our foot into a big pile of s**t without knowing it and then the s**t hit the fan.


I ventured off into other parts of the forum and saw some very silly things. Some of these silly things have unfortunately spilt into the general part of the forum too. Thankfully this does not happen all the time, it thankfully is sporadic in nature, thank goodness. It is already frustrating enough.. Imagine it happening everyday.. Oh goodness.

There have been multiple arguments that have erupted in the women's section of forum, because some users were questioning the validity of females with autism - some of these users thought that autism is a "boys" disorder and that women, therefore, have it easier. Such a mess.


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Tawaki
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11 Feb 2016, 1:33 pm

Drama?

Where?

This board is the least drama free place on the on the net.

Sometimes topics turn into toddler slap fights, people beat dead ponies, and some people get hung up on very tiny detail, but welcome to life!

Everyone has been nothing up nice to me, even if we don't do the group hug/we agree with everything all the time.

*shrug*



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11 Feb 2016, 1:40 pm

DestinedToBeAPotato wrote:
EzraS wrote:
DestinedToBeAPotato wrote:
Completely agree, dude. I did not expect to come to a forum occupied by "autistic purists", its either they invalidate the experience of HFA/Aspergers or they imvalidate the experiences of women on the spectrum because apparently "easier" being a female autistic person. I acknowledge, of course that it is not everyone here, I have encountered more nice people than I have mean people, in fact this forum is one of the nicest forums I have encountered. There are arguments here and there but they get resolved in most cases.

However, there has been a laughable increase in such posts that have been described by OP and I absolutely abhor the. Everyone has a right to an opinion, of course but the moment you make posts that ooze with righteousness and pretension and basically say in other words: "your experiences do not align with mine.. MY personal experience is THE EPITOME of the autistic experience and I therefore have the authority to decide whether your experience is valid or not. You know despite not knowing you on a personal level and disregarding the fact that autism is a SPECTRUM of different experiences". At the end of such silly posts these people either threaten to leave the forum to go somewhere "better" and more suited, and I say fair enough.. leave if you want to, I guess. You can't stay where you're unhappy, right? But then what gets me, is that when called out on.. Excuse my language, their BS logic. They will throw a strop and whinge about people "silencing them". I guess the motto "talk s**t, get hit" is very much applicable in these situations. If you have verbal diarrhoea online or in real life, don't be surprised if you get some liquid s**t on your blouse/shirt. I am inclined to believe that the people who make such posts are either extremely frustrated with their own lives and have therefore decided to take it out on those who they perceive to be doing "better" than them out of spite or jealousy or they're trolling and are purposely causing distress and annoyance to users who fit the apparent high functioning criteria because it probably amuses them when chaos ensues and everyone gets enraged, and argues non-stop.

These autism functionality threads go absolutely nowhere, I believe they serve the function of "trolling" or in some extreme cases "griefing". I say users who will most likely be annoyed by such threads should avoid them like the plague. It's not worth surrounding yourself with such negativity.. :/ I don't like negativity very much... (the irony is that my post is most certainly negative in nature. XD)

Edit: Just to clarify, I am not specifically criticising EzraS or ZombieBride, I have come to understand why they said those things and it's frustrations that every teenager experiences, it's a little more heightened when you have autism. It's kind of the same way we envy Neurotypicals too.

I guess this post degenerated into a generalised rant about all the posts I saw that fit into this criteria.


A lot of the stuff you said I was not really aware of or only vaguely aware of. Like the thing about females with autism. There have been plenty of girls in my school. One of the people I have identified with the most here is a female with Aspergers. Every time she posts a problem I am me too 100%. Me and ZombieBride just stuck our foot into a big pile of s**t without knowing it and then the s**t hit the fan.


I ventured off into other parts of the forum and saw some very silly things. Some of these silly things have unfortunately spilt into the general part of the forum too. Thankfully this does not happen all the time, it thankfully is sporadic in nature, thank goodness. It is already frustrating enough.. Imagine it happening everyday.. Oh goodness.

There have been multiple arguments that have erupted in the women's section of forum, because some users were questioning the validity of females with autism - some of these users thought that autism is a "boys" disorder and that women, therefore, have it easier. Such a mess.


That is something I never considered. I basically never go into the other sections. I just stay in general discussion and sometimes random discussion. So there is that much more that goes on in WP that I am unaware of.

But of general autism discussion, from my point of view, it has been 95% help and support and 5% drama. Anytime anyone asks for help they get lots of really great answers/advice and lots of support.



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11 Feb 2016, 1:46 pm

Every forum has drama. Not all threads here have drama in them. People disagree, people will debate, argue. I know of one forum that removes posts because they want zero drama. It gets annoying because then things don't make sense and you are left wondering where you post went because you don't even know if you have posted it or not and the fact I get a notification saying someone replied to my post and then that post isn't there, utterly annoying. Also there might be more drama on autism forums than other places because of the black and white thinking and not getting different perspectives and some things might be more abstract than others for them to understand which is common in autism.


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Jo_B1_Kenobi
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11 Feb 2016, 1:49 pm

I've not noticed any particular drama. People sometimes disagree but that seems healthy to me so long as people are reasonably polite about it.


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DestinedToBeAPotato
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11 Feb 2016, 2:02 pm

EzraS wrote:
DestinedToBeAPotato wrote:
EzraS wrote:
DestinedToBeAPotato wrote:
Completely agree, dude. I did not expect to come to a forum occupied by "autistic purists", its either they invalidate the experience of HFA/Aspergers or they imvalidate the experiences of women on the spectrum because apparently "easier" being a female autistic person. I acknowledge, of course that it is not everyone here, I have encountered more nice people than I have mean people, in fact this forum is one of the nicest forums I have encountered. There are arguments here and there but they get resolved in most cases.

However, there has been a laughable increase in such posts that have been described by OP and I absolutely abhor the. Everyone has a right to an opinion, of course but the moment you make posts that ooze with righteousness and pretension and basically say in other words: "your experiences do not align with mine.. MY personal experience is THE EPITOME of the autistic experience and I therefore have the authority to decide whether your experience is valid or not. You know despite not knowing you on a personal level and disregarding the fact that autism is a SPECTRUM of different experiences". At the end of such silly posts these people either threaten to leave the forum to go somewhere "better" and more suited, and I say fair enough.. leave if you want to, I guess. You can't stay where you're unhappy, right? But then what gets me, is that when called out on.. Excuse my language, their BS logic. They will throw a strop and whinge about people "silencing them". I guess the motto "talk s**t, get hit" is very much applicable in these situations. If you have verbal diarrhoea online or in real life, don't be surprised if you get some liquid s**t on your blouse/shirt. I am inclined to believe that the people who make such posts are either extremely frustrated with their own lives and have therefore decided to take it out on those who they perceive to be doing "better" than them out of spite or jealousy or they're trolling and are purposely causing distress and annoyance to users who fit the apparent high functioning criteria because it probably amuses them when chaos ensues and everyone gets enraged, and argues non-stop.

These autism functionality threads go absolutely nowhere, I believe they serve the function of "trolling" or in some extreme cases "griefing". I say users who will most likely be annoyed by such threads should avoid them like the plague. It's not worth surrounding yourself with such negativity.. :/ I don't like negativity very much... (the irony is that my post is most certainly negative in nature. XD)

Edit: Just to clarify, I am not specifically criticising EzraS or ZombieBride, I have come to understand why they said those things and it's frustrations that every teenager experiences, it's a little more heightened when you have autism. It's kind of the same way we envy Neurotypicals too.

I guess this post degenerated into a generalised rant about all the posts I saw that fit into this criteria.


A lot of the stuff you said I was not really aware of or only vaguely aware of. Like the thing about females with autism. There have been plenty of girls in my school. One of the people I have identified with the most here is a female with Aspergers. Every time she posts a problem I am me too 100%. Me and ZombieBride just stuck our foot into a big pile of s**t without knowing it and then the s**t hit the fan.


I ventured off into other parts of the forum and saw some very silly things. Some of these silly things have unfortunately spilt into the general part of the forum too. Thankfully this does not happen all the time, it thankfully is sporadic in nature, thank goodness. It is already frustrating enough.. Imagine it happening everyday.. Oh goodness.

There have been multiple arguments that have erupted in the women's section of forum, because some users were questioning the validity of females with autism - some of these users thought that autism is a "boys" disorder and that women, therefore, have it easier. Such a mess.


That is something I never considered. I basically never go into the other sections. I just stay in general discussion and sometimes random discussion. So there is that much more that goes on in WP that I am unaware of.

But of general autism discussion, from my point of view, it has been 95% help and support and 5% drama. Anytime anyone asks for help they get lots of really great answers/advice and lots of support.


I agree, the general autism section is extremely helpful - in fact the majority of the forum is very helpful. Drama tends to be sporadic and rare.


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Ashariel
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11 Feb 2016, 2:03 pm

I would prefer a world in which people treat each other with kindness, civility, and respect. I truly don't like drama, and my childhood experience was one of extreme pacifism - of turning the other cheek, and allowing people to abuse me.

As an adult, I am finally learning to stand up for myself. So when I perceive someone behaving unkindly on here (toward me, or anyone else) - I sometimes feel the ethical thing to do is to call the person out on their inappropriate behavior.

I'm trying to learn to do this in a way that leads toward a resolution of the conflict, rather than exacerbating the problem. But I'm still learning, and I apologize for cases where my attempt to 'stand up against injustice' has been carried out in a blundering way, and has only made the situation worse.

I'm definitely guilty of being driven by emotion rather than logic, but that's something I'm trying to work on - and I actually appreciate those who have pointed it out to me, so that I understand how I'm coming across, and where I need to improve.

So I appreciate having a place to practice my social skills, and I've come to understand people on this forum a lot better as a result of some of the more 'dramatic' discussions we've had here. I'm learning to accept that not everyone will share my opinions, or even respect me as a person, but that's okay.

Anyway, thanks for helping me to learn - this is the only place where I try to socialize, and I do appreciate it.



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11 Feb 2016, 2:40 pm

When I see drama going on here, I usually just hit the back button and find another topic to read and/or respond to. If I do read it, I usually don't post a response even if I do strongly feel one way or another because I don't want to get involved in the mess. Luckily, there usually isn't too much drama here (at least not so much that you can't ignore if you don't want to get involved in it).



WisteriaRaincoat
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11 Feb 2016, 2:51 pm

One word - Anonymity



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11 Feb 2016, 3:13 pm

Disagreement and argument are fine in my view.


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11 Feb 2016, 3:33 pm

Some people here are angry, some complain, some are looking for understanding, some are really actively looking for solutions.

When you ask for help to overcome a precise difficulty on this forum, a lot of people will try to help you. :)



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11 Feb 2016, 3:34 pm

A lot of the time the drama doesn't make sense to me and I have trouble following the conversation so I reply around it according to the actual topic of the thread. If the drama does make sense to me I tend to just read and watch and process my own reactions. I don't have the energy or the care to get involved.



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11 Feb 2016, 3:37 pm

Are you talking about drama between you and others here, or just other people in general? From the few posts you've made, the responses you're receiving are nothing but support..unless we're missing something.



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11 Feb 2016, 6:06 pm

oSovereign wrote:
I don't get it. I thought forums like these were designed to genuinely help everyone diagnosed with something like aspergers, pdd-nos, or other forms of autism. Most of you guys just seem to want to piss eachother off. If I wanted to join a forum for pissing other people off i'd go join a gaming forum (oh wait, i'm already a part of one of those and it is pure cancer). I came here looking for advice and help, but i'm not gonna sit here and make fun of other people diagnosed with asperger's for "not having all the symptoms" or whatever you guys say. There's certain things about asperger's which, while you can try your hardest to be proud of, are life-inhibiting traits that cause so much more harm than good. Everyone here should seek to help one another, but there just seems to be so much drama for no reason...


So, on a forum filled with Autistic people for whom a particularly major feature is being socially inept, you find it odd? that people would have difficulties with communication leading to disagreements, angst, and drama? Huh. Color me amazed. /sarcasm <-- just in case you were wondering.

gnat



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11 Feb 2016, 6:49 pm

People with autism(especially aspergers) can be extremely judgmental, critical, sometimes arrogant, nit-picky, overly-analytical to the point where it can overwhelm others.

I myself used to be guilty of this, and have seen it in non-autism forums. My guess is because we are safely behind a computer, have all this rage/build up and then just let our thoughts fly lose.

Haven't seen that at all here however, for the most part everyone is well behaved..probably because we all understand where we are coming from...so yeah I'm puzzled by the OP.



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11 Feb 2016, 7:40 pm

For me,
1) I can read things wrong and that's not good. For some reason, I can invert the meaning of things I read.
2) Some things are, as mentioned before, hot button issues. That will bring out the passion
3) with passion can come bad wording
4) with someone like me with weird communication issues incoming or outgoing, it can get bollixed up even worse.


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