GodzillaWoman wrote:
Sometimes NTs expect us to tell "polite lies," to pretend something is true when we know it isn't, to keep them from being embarrassed. This may be to act like they are correct about some trivial fact, e.g., some sports trivia. It's not really important to say they're wrong about who won SuperWhatsitCup #15.
NTs use polite lies a lot, and hate it when we don't play along. I find it really difficult to tell when I'm supposed to use one, especially if I know I am right about some fact and they are not. People don't like to be corrected and shown to be ignorant, and sometimes we are expected to use polite lies to pretend our friends are correct when they aren't.
I use the "pick your battles" test--is it really important to show someone that they are wrong and I'm right? Why do I need to tell them this? Am I showing off how smart I am, or trying to prevent them from making an error that might hurt them? Of course, if their error will cause them pain, money loss, embarrassment, or legal troubles, then I tell them, preferably in private, so they aren't embarrassed in front of their friends.
I think you've just pinpointed the reason my mom gets frustrated and says, "You're alway correcting us!" to me a lot. I didn't really understand what she meant, but I realise now that she was referring to the fact that, every time she or someone else tells a story, if they get details wrong, I always interject to fill in the right ones. I didn't know they got so defensive about this, I just feel compelled to make sure the details of stories are accurate, otherwise they feel like a lie. If I'm telling a story, and I can't remember exact details, I'll tell the listener that I can't remember exactly, but that, "I think it was like this", and my friends and family never seem to do this; they state their incorrect facts as if they're certain of them, which is the part that really bothers me, and makes me feel like I'm condoning lying if I let it slide.
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"Survival is insufficient" - Seven of Nine
Diagnosed with ASD level 1 on the 10th of April, 2014
Rediagnosed with ASD level 2 on the 4th of May, 2019
Thanks to Olympiadis for my fantastic avatar!