Possible BPD/ASD?

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Hi guys,
Not after a 'diagnosis', just if anyone can offer any experience and advise whether it is worth looking into further.
I have been diagnosed with BPD, which suits me well. I have a history of abuse throughout my childhood (sexual and emotional, including my mother not beleiving me about the sexual abuse- in denial as it was her partner and she continued to see him for awhile afterwards. The partner lived with us from when I was 7-14)
I have a huge fear of abandonment in my relationships, I get dellusional at any slights, acuse partners of cheating etc, I can really turn on them. My relationship cycles repeat, obsess, devalue, discard- I've been in two previous relationships that lasted 3 years.. they were very intense and rocky. I have threatened suicide when they have had enough and want to leave. My moods are up and down like a yo-yo.
I am not like this with friends, just partners and my mother when I was a teenager.
I experience disassociation with stress and suffered depersonalization as a teenager during the worse part of my life aswell as adrenal fatigue.

Before the abuse was apparent I was always a very different child. Always felt sort of alien. Extremely withdrawn in social situations, a lot of trouble making friends. I always generally had one close friend, wanted more but I just didn't know how to go about it.
Family would always tell me to smile- always had a blank expression and daydreaming.
I mumble pretty bad and am monotone in speach. I have trouble making eye contact unless I havd known someone a long time and feel comfortable with them- I find people imtimidating.
I am clumsy and uncoordinated. I cant stand hugs and affection (except from my partner, at the start of relationships I can't get enough and am very clingy.. by the end I cant stand them touching me at all)
I was always very picky with foods as a kid, i couldn't even eat rice until I was about 14 as I couldn't stand the texture.
I find it extremely difficult to even say I love you to my mother.
I am very independent but have always had trouble organising anything I find boring, taxes for example.
I dont consider myself manipulative but as a child I would frequently have temper tantrums if things didn't go my way (often screaming out "no one loves me- it's not fair)
, I would nag my mum to her wits and always very impulsive.
When I was home alone and comfortable at a young age there were times where I'd be almost hyperactive, jumping around and singing- but only while alone.
I still to this day hold my pen differently, I was a late learner when it came to riding a bike and still don't drive a car (I'm 23) I didn't stop picking my nose and eating it (gross I know!) until about age 7.
Always prefered solitude and spending hours on the computer rather than socializing. All my boyfriends have been courted online as I just don't know how to go about it in person.
I was gifted in some ways though, the teachers loved me. I was always a very creative writer and best at drawing. I loved animals and bugs, always found them fascinating and obsessed while I hated dolls. I dressed like a boy for a few years, always felt more boy than girl growing up. I would talk to animals more than people and lived in a fantasy world of imagination.
I had odd fears, I couldn't use the downstairs toilet in my house for years as I was terrified of it as a young child.

I go between craving affection and love to not wanting to be around anyone at all.
I learnt to rely on alcohol as a teenager as a way to socialize and make friends- it still takes me about a year of spending time with someone to feel comfortable around them. I am so self concious. I get overwhelmed very often and get very irritated, desperate for some time out.
I would say I have trouble with empathy and can come across self centred but I don't mean this at all- I do care about others.

I have a cousin with ASD and I suspect strongly my brother and aunty also have it.
My father is NPD and mistreated my mother- I never really knew him as they split while I was quite young.

Any thoughts are greatly appreciated!

A lot of what you said here reminds me of myself (though I'm more Schizoid than BPD, so I don't seek relationships). Many of the things you listed are ASD traits, so I think it's worth looking into. Whether you choose to seek an official diagnosis or not, learning about ASD can be helpful in coming to understand yourself, and how to cope with these issues. Welcome!

Thank you very much I think learning about ASD is about to become my new obsession haha.

I can't say I know much, professionally, about bipolar disorder and autism occurring together. My best friend has BPD2, which is the one that doesn't include delusions. This sounds like what you're describing. My mother has BPD1, which DOES have delusions, and is similar to schizophrenia when she's wound up. Are you on medication for BPD? When my friend finally got on the right thing, Lamictal for her, it completely changed her life. She was still "her" but everything just got easier. When she'd have a fight with a boyfriend it was just a fight, not something that would keep her from going to work and threaten her life. You know?

So THAT being said, autistic people often respond to medication a little differently than other people. So if it turns out that you are autistic, you might need a lighter dose of whatever they give you. So I might try taking 1/2 or 3/4 dose of whatever it is. Keep in mind that I AM NOT A MEDICAL DR and don't even have a PhD (yet)! This has just been my personal observation from studying autistic adults for a few years and being from an autistic family.

My third recommendation is that you study up on autism as it relates to women. Autism in women is a little different than in men. Some women are very empathic, almost to the point of seeming psychic, and this is hard to deal with. Others are like chameleons, taking on the characteristics of those around them. People can think they know them, but they're only getting to know a mirror. And then some women are autistic in more of the standard "male" way, but suffer a lot of pressure from others to "act female." Lots of pressure to look at people in the face, to smile, to touch and be touched. Very stressful. So anyway, look this stuff up and see what makes sense for you.

Glad you're here!

I thought from the description that the OP was using the acronym BPD to mean Borderline Personality Disorder. I didn't see bipolar traits in there at all.

Opps sorry, should have specified! I mean Borderline personality disorder, developed from years of abuse.

Thanks for the replies
I am not currently taking any medications (haven't had much luck with them) but I've always been one to self medicate with cannabis- which seems to have considerable benefits for both disorders.
My partner is ASD which got me reading into it, as soon as I came across how young girls with ASD are different I felt it was quite a lot like me. I always presumed I had social anxiety from a young age but this explains things much better.

You sound exactly like my Sister who has BLPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)

Do you self harm?
Feelings of Self Loathing?
How do you feel and react when treating unequally or unfairly IE. if one person were to get 10 dollars while you get 5 dollars?
Growing up did you go through phases, like the Punk phase, skater, artists, intellect, constantly switching between different 'fads'

But autism is always a possiblity however i didn't see any mention of Sensory sensitivities.
As a child did you cry, scream, plug your ears in the presents of loud noises, even if they werent THAT loud to other people like Airplanes, Trucks, television (think of the loud THX thing before movies)
Do you find fluorescent lights Painful and intolerable or having trouble looking at older computer screens. Light sensitivity can also cause words to 'virbrate' or move around, headaches, disorientation, nausea, irritablity.
In general, in overstimulating environments how to you fair, as a child did you have meltdowns or shutdowns? and even in adults sensory sensitivity can make people moody and still cause meltdowns or shutdown.

Hi
I have superficially self harmed before, only when disassociated as otherwise it kinda creeps me out and I am too sensitive.
Self loathing comes and goes but was much more apparent when I was younger.
Being treated unfairly makes me mad and frustrated (explosive depending who I am around)
I'm definitely a scene hopper, gone through loads of phases; goth, punk, hippie etc

I am very sensitive to touch, I cant stand people in my space (except my partner) I have never been able to handle hugs.
I get irritable with noises when I am trying to focus on something, I can be sensitive to loud sudden noises more than other people.
I get overwhelmed and irritable in overstimulating environments, need time out to get back to baseline and sort my thoughts. I had lots of tantrums with screaming involved as a kid, when things didn't go my way mostly. Socially I would withdraw because I was too fearful to act out in public.
I get very very irritable when interupted while trying to focus, I cant stand it.

Which of these symptoms do you have more than the other and which symptoms are more intense?

BPD:
-Feelings of being judged constantly (Most people with BPD have a hard time reading facial expressions and body language usually interpreting any face as aggressive or uninviting)

-Self loathing; feeling that you don't deserve something or not worth the time

-Keeping up appearances. constantly putting up an act to impress people never telling others about the real you (this can be confused with autistic passing. The difference between autistic passing and BPD is BPD people will never bring up theyre own likes/dislikes, preferences and personal experiences that contradicts what they are trying to protray to another person or people. Autistic passing is using learned behaviour and social skills in a social setting)

- Self harm (sometimes used manipulate but mostly due to self loathing

- manipulation of others (sometimes using abusive behaviour. blackmailing, bribing, explosive behaviour to get a certain reaction from someone, this is a subconcious thought process and the perosn with BPD will not relize they do this)

- Impulsive behaviour ( it can be intense like jumping out of a moving car or it can be small like leaving the house unprepared and within the first thought or sexual promiscuity )

- Social Anxiety

- disregard for others emotions


Remember Borderline Personality Disorder is a Mental Illness and also a defence mechanism.

ASD

inability or great difficulty socializing and communicating:
- difficulty or inability to ask for help or something that you need.

- Inability to maintain eye contact (people with Social Anxiety also experience this but people with Social Anxiety avoid eye contact due to the fear of being judged while people on the spectrum avoid eye contact because we cannot listen to a person and look at their face at the same time.

- Failure to pick up on and react to facial expressions and body language ( again, can be mistaken for Social Anxiety, a person with SA will become afraid of a faces true meaning and have difficulty interpreting its meaning)

- Saying inappropriate things WITHOUT knowing what was said was wrong.

Sensory Sensitivity:
-Difficulty functioning in over-stimmulating environments, causing Meltdowns (loss of emotional control) Shutdowns (a mind shutting down information processing)

- The need to stim ( flap hands, flick fingers near the eyes, hum, hit self, bite self, throw self on the floor, scream, sing, pull hair,)


RORR (Repetition, Obsessions, Ritual, Routine)
- Repetitive movements and behaviour (pacing, stimming, turning lights on and off, repeating phrases,) MORE than once or twice,
- The need and dependancy on a single topic, collections or object to the point where needs such as eating, bathing,work, and socialization is neglected
- Ritualistic behaviours such as following a series of steps in a specific way each time without justification.
- the dependancy on a strict routine, when broken causes anxiety, depression, meltdowns, shutdowns and panic attacks,

Executive Functioning Issues;
- Difficulty maintaining focus
- starting and finishing tasks
- difficulty with self control and impulse control (screaming at random, bolting into busy streets,)
- difficulty doing tasks that require more than 2 or 3 steps
- difficulty remembering appointments, jobs, and dates

PS. The symptoms of ASD are ALWAYS present at the latest age of 18 months while BPLD develops later in life

I can relate to both group of symptoms quite well. The ASD symptoms I can look back and see them within myself since I was a child. As for the BPD symptoms, I would say they became apparent around age 14 or so.
I do have trouble replying to someone while looking at their face, I'll often look at their face while they are talking (looking away if they make eye contact with me) but I will have to look away while I am replying.

I have also been told I highly likely have ADHD, which is extremely common to be comorbid with both of these disorders.
I have extreme difficulty maintaining focus unless I find something highly interesting, then I seem to hyperfocus. Has gotten even harder after going through abuse and developing depression/BPD, although these days my MDD is gone I still have bouts of it come and go.

I just completed an online quiz for ASD, I scored 37 and this particular quiz says anything over 34 is likely ASD.