I prefer the company of non-autistic people

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This has come up a few times; I tend to get along poorly with other autistic people. I can kind of do it here because the whole interaction ends with a mouse click, but in a face-to-face interaction I tend to find the whole thing emotionally disturbing. Shorter contact just leaves me sullen and unnerved. Too much of it for too long has actually triggered depressive events for me; I tried this program for AS students at one college. It helped a lot of students, but caused me to drop all my classes and spend the next few months holed up at home. The head of the program (herself autistic) later told me a handful of other students had similar experiences. So this might not just be a "me" thing.

Now and then, I'll meet someone else with autism who I can actually get along with. It's really nice when that happens (like... seriously, pretty amazing), but it seems extremely rare. Like... one person out of a hundred, rare... at best. I notice I pretty much never explicitly talk about autism with these people. It's always subtle and oblique, just hinting at certain things we have in common. That's totally fine with me. I kind of like that.

"NT" people, on the other hand... they usually can work with me on things. Adapt quickly, reach out, and help bridge gaps when I come up short. There's some jerks, but I find most of them pleasant enough to be around. I tell them I have an issue with something, most will listen. Maybe it's because I live in the Seattle area, where people tend to be a little more low-key... but it wasn't that much different for me when I lived in Albuquerque, which isn't like that at all. Sure, these interactions can be draining... but they don't have the same devastating "emotional punch to the face" impact. Six hours surrounded by NTs? I feel pretty tired but emotionally stable, or even refreshed if I've had a good time. An hour with another aspie? I'm not as tired, but my mood has probably taken a nosedive.

I don't get it. You'd think the opposite would be true, right? I'm curious if anyone else just finds NTs easier to be around. Not necessarily to this degree, but to the extent that given the choice you'd prefer not to be around other aspies. Alternatively, maybe someone has ideas as to why I have this reaction. Or maybe you think I'm just weird, in which case you should totally explain why you think that!

Or, maybe you feel the opposite way. You probably do. Explain! I'm trying to figure this thing out! It would be nice if I could have face-to-face interactions with other aspies without freaking out.

It's human nature, a person is more likely to want to belong in a group of plenty than a group of little.

I personally like, what i call "autistic at heart" friends. They were never diagnosed and probably dont have autism but theyre not socially talented, they have strong interests. The gamer, nerd type but i also like my autistic friends, its just sometimes they over do it, talk too much of their Special interest or stand too close to me but i can take that- i probably do that myself i cant blame them. I like my autstic friends because were all on the same level, we all had bullies, we all dont understand body language and we all cant tie our shoes.

I have a few NT friends and these are STRICT NT friends, not nerdy, not socially awkard, straight up extroverted NTs and they are HARD to hang out with because i have to pass when im around them, i cant just me, i cant talk about sonic, i cant talk about all the research i just did, i cant talk about movie reviews, I dont even know what to f*****g talk about! which is hard because one of my best friends is severely NT, She dresses up, goes out drinking, has sex, has boyfriends, spends all her time on her phone and has lots of drama in her life that i just dont get...

Company of NTs.. How am'I able to compare when I never met an autistic adult, more so a high functioning one in real life?

I cannot and I don't keep up with NTs. Introvert NTs seems fine with me. Extroverted ones are those I cannot keep up with. I choose not to dumb down or expect anyone trying to level at me whether they could or not... I prefer having their social masks broken. Unless it's only business.

All I can say is that I prefer the company of those who talks about their life, and experiences. Not those who talks about the media, or their interests even if it's mutual interest. I can listen to almost anything, yet I cannot contribute a thing.
When it comes to activity, it's either just myself or anyone else leads but me.

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@ZombieBrideXD: Yeah, that kind of makes sense. For me it's more "quality" than "quantity" and I often don't feel I get much of the former when I interact with most other aspies. There's not a connection, just me getting beaten over the head with whatever they want to talk about. I usually don't have much to say, myself. It's a lot of me nodding my head while I'm just coming apart inside.

I don't have a special interest right now; I'm grateful for that, personally. But aspie conversations often seem to revolve around the things. What you're describing as "autistic at heart" sounds great. I've known some people like that, and I get along with that type of person just fine. It's less intense, I guess? When someone's actually autistic though; I usually avoid them. My experiences with other aspies have not been good in the past.

I really like introverted NTs.

Now, I can actually really like extroverted NTs, too. Someone asked my about my ideal romantic partner once and I described someone like that. I do often need someone to drag me out of my own head and into the world. I like this from friends, too. I don't really care for most parties, but if a friend asked me to just go on a pub crawl I'd probably resist... and then be there the next morning with a raging hangover going "Worth it!" I just need a bit of a push now and then, and I find the more extroverted NTs are great for that. I understand that a lot of aspies just aren't down for it, but for me I'm just kind of particular about how it happens.

Sort of feels like those people are the Yang to my Yin.

I don't know where another aspie would fit in. They tend to upset me. It's like trying to interact with a wall that's falling on me.

@Edna3362: I dunno. You should try it sometime, it seems to be a much more positive thing for a lot of folks here than it has been for me.

Absolutely relate to the "anyone leads but me". I do a little better when I'm following someone's lead. I often do in interactions with NTs. Just... "ok, we're doing this now? Cool." What do we talk about? Hm... whatever comes up. I think learning to just go with the flow is something I've been working on a long time. It's not a natural skill for us, I think. When I can do it, it's pretty amazing. It doesn't seem to work with other aspies. The conversation either remains regimented or moves along in a rapid, disjointed way that just makes me feel like I don't matter at all. Sometimes that happens with NTs, but it's much easier to hop back in and get on track again when they do it. They're rarely as invested in what they're saying.

Not I.

I'm an equal opportunity misanthropist.

I have been in school with autistic kids 6-18 most of my life and can relate to what you are saying.

For me being around autistic people isn't all that great and being around NT people isn't all that bad.

I find other autistic people hard work; they tend to be self-absorbed and very stubborn....and quite childlike.

I'm sure I've seen you post this before.

I'm starting to find the people on this forum to be boring and irritating, and I don't fit in at all. Which is exactly what I think about most NT's as well. I certainly don't see an advantage to talking to other autistics at the moment.

When I could attend support groups I got along with them.But still I assume most autistic people I have met I did not know they were autistic and neither did they.

My Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinic hosts a book club every month. I attend sometimes. I get mostly ignored and, though they are fun, interesting and nice, I have a hard time relating to the other members except the NT moderators.

NTs don't like and accept ALL other NTs, so why should we like and accept all other autistics? I believe it comes down to everyone's different personalities. The advocacy groups that want seemingly to homogenize us into one group of identical individuals have it wrong. We can sometimes understand each other and still not like each other.

^^^ precisely, you're all individuals! Why make it NT v HFAs? There are people worth knowing, or not, both ends of the spectrum and in between.